“Lo has been in and out all day. She’s been gone for a few hours though.”
Bile burned in the back of her throat at the idea of her friend traipsing through town among the very enemies who sought her life. If Olwen was here, surely more from the palace would be too. Someone would recognize her. The king would know her on sight.
Lia squeezed her eyes closed and panted. She couldn’t have another life on her conscience. Loshika could not end up like Dahlia’s mother.
“Hey, it’s okay,” Cosmos crooned.
Nothing was okay. Everything was a disaster, and Lia was going to get everyone killed.
Her brother wrapped her fingers around his wrist so she could feel his pulse. “Take a deep breath. Count my heartbeats.”
She focused on the life thrumming beneath her fingers. Cosmos had her place her other hand on her chest so she could feel her own heart.
Slowly but surely, she was able to breathe again.
“Thank you,” she said, squeezing his wrist once and letting go. “How are you doing? Any episodes?” Cosmos tended to seize up when things overwhelmed him.
He shook his head. “No, not since Lo made me that tonic. I haven’t had one since Mum...” He swallowed hard. Cosmos blew a long curly strand of hair from his face and bit his bottom lip. A sure sign that he had something on his mind.
“What is it?” she asked gently, moving her left leg that had fallen asleep. The tingles bothered her, but the burn on her shin and leg was worse.
He huffed. “When did you start having attacks?”
Since the royals threatened to kill her entire family. Since she’d lost her mother and her brother in the process. Since she betrayed the one man who helped her realize she was enough.
Lia glanced away, blinking the tears back. She needed to be strong for her brother. “It’s been a stressful couple of months.”
“Was this . . . was this my fault?”
Her gaze snapped back to Cosmos’ dear freckled face, and the devastation there just about gutted her. Lia slowly sat up and wrapped her arms around her brother. “No, love, no.”
“I messed up. I’m the one who brought the Giver into our life. It’s my fault Mum is...” his voice broke.
Lia leaned back and cupped his cheeks, wiping tears as they fell. “You listen to me, Cosmos Skysinger. Our mum made a choice to protect us. She loved you that much. No one is to blame here but The Giver and the greedy royals.”And herself. “You made some bad friends, but that doesn’t mean you have deserved anything that has happened to you. Do you hear me?”
“You cry in your sleep,” he whispered, gaze haunted.
“I what?” she asked, chest tightening.
“You cry. Sometimes for Mum. Other times for Neve.”
Tears slipped down her own cheeks. “It’s okay to cry.”
“But you don’t cry. You work, you help Loshika, and you take care of me.” He pulled her hands from his cheeks and squeezed her fingers. “Even when I’ve been rotten to you. You don’t have to take care of me all the time. I can take care of myself... and you, if you let me.”
Oh, little lion.
She forced a trembling smile to her lips. “You already have. All night, it seems.”
His shoulders slumped. “Even now, you’re pretending. Why can’t you be real with me?”
When was the last time she hadn’t pretended to be okay?
“Cos, if I let it all out, I’m not sure I could put it all back together.” She was barely holding on.
Cosmos gently hugged her. “Maybe some of it shouldn’t be put back together. Maybe we need to leave things behind.”
The tears really did come then.
