“All I've ever wanted and needed in this miserable, godforsaken life has been you.”
Another sob escaped her at my words. Reagan didn’t say anything, instead choosing to bring one of her shaky hands to my face. I turned into her palm and we stood there for several long seconds this time.
“I’d wanted you, and us, so badly, Cillian. Why did you let it happen?”
My head dropped back, and I took a few breaths before leaning back in, this time pressing my forehead to hers. “Because I’d needed you. And God knows I’d wanted you. My grandfather tried to keep us apart, but no matter what he did to me that summer, all I had thought about was getting back to New York to see you...To be with you...I would’ve endured and promised anything to make that happen.”
“What did happen to you that summer?” she asked me. “You came back, but you weren’t the same.”
“How could I be the same? He’d forbade me from seeing you ever again. One might say that he’d tried to beat the sense into me, but I’d taken every blow because I knew we’d be reunited again. It’s why I had to see you as soon as I’d gotten back to school.” The memories of that awful call returned, and I pulled my head back and began to shake it from side to side.
“What happened after we’d made love? Why were you so scared that night, Cillian?”
“I can’t go there. Don’t make me,” I pleaded with her.
“You wouldn’t tell me then, but I need you to tell me now. Do I not even deserve that much after what has been taken from me? You don’t have to be afraid. Whatever it is, you can tell me.” I shook my head. She had a point, but each time I remembered that phone call, I was reminded that I had been the one to put this all into motion. “Please.”
Her plea was my undoing. “It’s not fear, but shame because it’s all my fault. Your mother and sister are dead because ofme.”
“It’s not your fault,” she said to me, and I looked up at her incredulously.
“I knew to stay away from you, but I couldn’t bring myself to follow his demands. And even after I’d been caught, I’d still lied to him. I never had any intention of leaving for Ireland the nextmorning, especially knowing he would throw me back into the fucking hole. He...He...Ummm, he...”
I couldn’t continue, so I stopped even trying. Reagan wouldn’t be denied, though.
“What did he do?”
“Don’t make me say it,” I said to her. “If I do, it’ll only remind me of what happened.”
“I need to know, and you obviously need to get it off your chest. You were in here because you’re wracked with guilt. Let the truth assuage it. Tell me why he made you drag me to a wedding chapel in the middle of the night.”
“He thought he’d hung up, but I’d heard him. My grandfather didn’t trust me to let you go, so he’d told his men to kill you. And they did. Or I thought they did. After I’d saved you, I’d woken up to your note and was racing back toward the school when he’d called to me that I’d been too late. You were gone, and all I’d have left from that point forward were memories and your eyes.”
Reagan started to sob more, and at the sound of her tears, I couldn’t handle them right now. Hauling her into my arms, I buried her face against my chest as I kissed the top of her head repeatedly.
“I’d loved you so much, but in an instant, you were gone. And you’ve stayed gone since that fucking morning.”
She pulled her head back, then ran one of her hands over my face. After she hooked it around my neck, Reagan rose up onto her toes as she pulled my head down. “I’m here, Cillian. And, I’m not going anywhere, not that you’d let me.” She let out a sarcastic laugh, but continued. “You’d told me I was a prisoner here, but the only one captive is you. Let go of the pain and slip through those bars. Take back your life?—”
“You are, and have always been, my goddamn life, Anamchara,” I said to her moments before I silenced any other words by slamming my mouth over hers.
The second her lips parted, I thrust my tongue inside and pulled her closer to me. I ravenously ate at her lips like a starving man. All of this time, with and without her, and I still couldn’t shake her. But I wanted to make her shake. And to squirm. To writhe underneath me as I gave her what we both so desperately needed.
Tearing my mouth from hers, I began to kiss along the side of her face, then over her jaw and chin before biting down on the throbbing pulse of her throat. Reagan clung to me, and neither of us said a damn thing. I doubted that she wanted to break this moment any more than I did. My lips moved lower as I kissed and nibbled along her shoulder, making her shiver in response. I pushed one of the silk straps over her shoulder and let it hang loosely on her arm before moving to the other side to free that shoulder as well.
Once or twice, she moaned but otherwise stayed silent. I stopped for a moment to free her arms from the straps before attacking her bare neck once more. As I did, I reached in front of me, and with one quick jerk, I tore the flimsy material off her. Once her gown had been shed, I backed her into the wall and pressed myself against her.
Reagan’s nipples were hard, like pointed tips of a diamond. I needed to taste one, so I lifted her off the floor, then raised her enough to allow me to bury my head against her. Pushing the sides of her breasts together, I kissed, licked, and bit my way from one to the other, stopping to draw a hardened peak into my mouth. I would pull, clamp down on it, then lave the tight bud, before releasing it from my mouth with a wet pop.
“I need you so badly, Cillian,” she cried out between her gasps and moans. “Make love to me.”
Unlike my grandfather’s wishes, hers were my command. The sour tastes of betrayal and regret surrounded us like a cocoon, but there was plenty of time to deal with all of it later.For now, I needed to feel her body on mine. I needed to be inside of her. And more importantly, I needed to hear her tell me that she loved me...That she forgave me for my weakness...
My fingers slipped between our bodies, then between her thighs. She was still wet from the earlier orgasm, and I wanted to give her another. I needed to. The urge was like a second heartbeat throbbing in my ear. I slid two fingers into her and realized how tight she was. I then added a third.
She gasped out my name, but rode my fingers as they returned to the one spot I used to hit night after night. Reagan was squirming, practically trying to climb the wall as she squeezed her eyelids closed. Her face contorted in pleasure was a thing of beauty, and something I had imagined repeatedly over the years. Only, she was no longer seventeen like I had been. She had matured into an even more stunningly beautiful woman, and one word came to mind.
“Mine,” I rasped out just as her pussy clamped down around my fingers and she came.
