Every second, minute, hour, and day of grief I’d endured over those seven years had been for nothing. When I’d seen what I thought were her eyes ripped from her head, it had killed something inside of me. I’d never loved anyone the way that I had loved her, but she had betrayed me like everyone else in my life.
My own parents had betrayed me, especially my father when he’d cheated on my mother and got into a literal bed with the daughter of a Camorra Don. True enemies, it hadn’t mattered until he let his guard down and ended up allowing the girl’sfamily to slaughter a dozen of our men and steal a shipment worth millions of dollars right out from under us.
At the time of my father’s death, I hadn’t known too much about him. What I now knew was that after his betrayal to this family, he was tortured and then killed at his father’s own hands. I suppose that was the reason my grandfather had been so upset with Reagan and me to begin with. Like my father, I had let love overrule logic, only I hadn’t taken down my family for that transgression, but I had been responsible for the downfall of hers.
In the years that had followed, I hadn’t loved or cared about anything again, including my own life, so I spent it in stoned and drunk oblivion, wishing for death so I could be reunited with my Anamchara once again. All of that changed now. I no longer wished to be anything with that lying bitch, but I did have my daughter, whom I would move Heaven and Earth for to keep safe. Today, I could’ve lost her had one of my grandfather’s enemies seen her, or even the monster in the flesh himself. He no more accepted Ciara than he did Ekaterina.
“Love is neither here nor there. It matters little in our world,”Kingston had told him that night.“You require us to marry and produce heirs, then you try to put conditions upon it. You reap what you sow, and you have yet to pay for anything you’ve done.”
That had been the angriest toward each other that I had ever seen either man, but my cousin was completely right. I’d been living proof of it. And while my grandfather could no longer intimidate Kingston, or even harm Ekaterina, he could decide to fuck with me once more by finishing what he had once started, and also taking out Ciara in the process. She was the only one who mattered to me.
And that was a lie more than it was the truth. Honestly, I had loved Reagan since the moment I first laid eyes on her, andeven now buried deep beneath the hate, I still loved her. And it made me hate myself. This weakness my grandfather had always claimed to see within me was there, and it was 5’10” with long auburn hair and a face that still haunted every one of my dreams.
Dinner went by in relative silence outside of the constant chattering from Ciara. Once she had eaten her fill, I spent the next several hours with her before she went with her mother to get ready for bed. During that time, I went into the study to speak with Leon, who confirmed one of my worst suspicions. My grandfather had men watching us, and Ciara could’ve easily been grabbed off the streets by him.
That told me two things. One, I was right to be worried, and I needed to up their security detail. And two...It was time for Reagan and me to have a long talk. I needed to make her see reason, and if she defied me again, the consequences would be severe. The only problem was that I was too angry right now to confront her, so I stayed in my office for almost another hour, drinking away my fear and anger with little to no success. I needed to make sure our daughter was asleep, and after peeking into her room and confirming for myself that she was, I went straight down the hallway to see Reagan.
The door was unlocked so I let myself in, not that I wouldn’t have torn the damn thing off its hinges if I had to. She was in the shower, so I closed the door behind me, then waited in the corner for her to finish. Several minutes later, the sound of running water stopped, and I heard her as she dried off and got ready for bed.
My eyes moved to the large queen sized bed in the center of the room, and I could see the way she pulled back just a single corner of the blanket. She intended to sleep alone in her bed, and she would, but it didn’t stop thoughts from entering my head anyway. Once upon a time, I would’ve been in that shower with her, likely fucking her hard against the tile. I’d then take heron the bathroom counter, then maybe against the door or wall before finally laying her down onto the bed.
Being inside of her had been the only Heaven I’d ever known in my entire life. Even with all the women who’d come after her, none of them had ever made me feel even a shred of what she had. Reagan drove me absolutely fucking crazy, but she’d always kept me so damn hard. Since her arrival in Ireland, my cock had been like concrete, and no amount of jacking myself off had been enough to relieve the ache I felt.
I could’ve called any number of females to help, but I would still see her in my head as I came, and the sight of her face the moment she found her own completion was not one that brought me any semblance of pleasure anymore. It now infuriated me, because as much as I hated her, another part of me still wanted her.
“Oh my God, what the hell are you doing in here?” I looked up at the sound of her voice, and I noticed the way that she clutched the towel against her. It brought back memories of the night of our reunion back in her New York City loft. “Get the hell out! This is my room.”
I moved over to her, and when nose to nose, I snarled. “I own every fucking square inch of this place.”
“Well, you don’t own me,” she said before clutching the towel against her with one hand and pushing at my chest with the other.
“And that’s where you’re wrong, because you are my property.”
“I am no one’s property, especially yours,” she retorted defiantly.
I chuckled at her words, delusional as they may have been. I reached out to wrap my hand around her throat, then leaned in close. “I fucking own your present and the future. It’s the price you’ll pay for stealing our past.”
Her eyes widened, and as her face began to darken, I realized I was gripping her throat much too tightly. I tore my hand away from her, then watched as she sucked oxygen back into her lungs. The anger she first exhibited had turned to fear, but now back to anger once she was able to breathe freely once more.
“Stealing our past,” she sputtered. “You were the one who ruined everything by letting it?—”
“I never let any of this happen,” I pointed out to her. “If I recall correctly, I had gotten you out of there before any harm could come to you. I?—”
“Yes, but at the expense of my mother and sister. You left them there to die.”
I reached out and grabbed her upper arms before I shook her ever so lightly. “But, I didn’t leaveyouthere to die.” Tears were now spilling from her eyes, but I was not swayed. “I had loved you so fucking much, but now all I can muster up for you is hate.”
There! I had said it aloud.
She choked back a sob, then squirmed out of my hold. She quickly hurried to the door, then as she went to put her hand on the knob, I closed the distance between us. I spun her around so swiftly that it surprised her enough to make her drop her hand. When she did, the towel fell as well, and she desperately tried to grab it to no avail.
I pressed her harder against the heavy door as I caged her face between my palms. She was breathing heavily at this point, each big breath making her chest rise and fall against mine. I could feel it. Her fear...But I wanted her pain. I wanted to make her hurt like she had me for all of these years.
Yes, she had lost her family, but she had mine inside of her, and she kept her from me. She also stayed away from me and allowed my heart to not only shatter into pieces, but to hardenwith the cracks still there. My entire life spiraled right after, and it still was if I was being honest with myself.
“Please go,” she begged me as the pain on her face reached her voice.
“Tonight, I could’ve lost you both,” I rasped softly.
