The teacher started toward us, and Ciara flashed a toothy smile at me before getting out of the car. The older woman gave me a curt nod as she tried to settle my daughter’s excitement as she thrust her stuffed bear in the woman’s face.
I drove off in that moment and soon reached the medical clinic where I now worked as a medical assistant. Being orphaned, pregnant, and broke had killed any chance I had at college, so I’d worked two jobs to provide a stable living situation for the two of us before I was eventually able to take some classes at a community college. The degree I’d finally gotten had been bittersweet. It was a blessing because it gave me a better career path, but my twin and mother were both absent, so neither would ever see me walk across the stage. They didn’t see me celebrate my GED, and not this achievement, either.
I know you’re both watching down on me. I just hope I’ve made you proud.
It was all I could keep telling myself. Regardless of whether I was still hoping on silly delusions or not, I had done my best to be the positive role model for my daughter that my mother had been for me. Ciara would know love, and the kind that came without conditions. I thought I had once found love outside of my immediate family, but I had been so wrong. I’d never allow myself to fall like that again.
It'd been so hard to pick myself up and move on after everything that had happened. There were the constant policeinterviews, the funeral, which I couldn’t afford, had been covered by the school benefactors, or else I would’ve started my new life as Rowan Lynch in a shit ton of debt. That did come later as the city was much more expensive to live in than I had ever thought it would be.
Everything was finally coming together though after so many years of struggling. The clinic I worked for was the best job I’d had so far, and as I pulled into the nearby parking garage, I knew I needed to get a move on if I intended to keep it.
Grabbing my things, I hurried out of the garage and across the street to the clinic. Once inside, I waved at Delilah and Monica at the reception desk. A few patients were already waiting, and hurrying to the back, I put my purse and cell phone into the locker in our break room, then grabbed a stethoscope before heading to the doctor’s station.
This was an internal medicine clinic, which provided mostly primary care to its patients, and as I grabbed the chart for the first patient, I headed toward the front. As soon as I opened the door, I looked out at the handful of people sitting in the waiting room.
“Andie Fox,” I called out, then watched an older woman as she struggled to get to her feet. Rushing over to her, I helped the woman steady herself, then put her walker in front of her. From there, we walked toward the back, then stopped at the scale. “Do you need help onto this?” I asked, to which she nodded.
I handled everything with that patient and several others throughout the day. I even ended up working through most of my lunch because today had been a busy one. Another medical assistant had called out, and after hearing the office manager mention termination, I was thankful that I not only arrived at work today, but on time. I’d literally had seconds to spare, but prompt was still prompt.
By the time the clinic closed, I polished off the rest of the sandwich I’d not had time to eat earlier, then finished up with the charts before stretching in front of my locker. I grabbed my things, including the bag which contained a change of clothes. My daughter had a ballet recital, and luckily, my only friend in this godforsaken city had agreed to pick Ciara up after school let out and take her to the studio.
I wanted to make sure Monica was there, so I picked up my cell phone and quickly dialed her number. After a few rings, her cheery voice came through the speaker. “Hey, Rowan! We’re here at the studio already.”
“Okay, great. I need to change into something less clinical, then I’m headed that way.”
“Perfect. Ciara has been worried that you wouldn’t make it. Despite me assuring her that you would.”
“No, no. I’m at a different job now, so those days are over. Tell her I’ll be right in the front as promised.”
“Will do. See you in a bit.” “Bye,” I said before ending the call. I’d missed so much at my last job, including nearly every dance practice and recital my daughter partook in. Guilt would always fill me until I remembered that it was that job keeping us in our newest place. The loft in Queens was designed more for a single person, possibly a bachelor, but it had been in my price range, and we’d been making it work. Monica had been a godsend during this time by stepping in and being there for Ciara when I couldn’t be. One of these days, I hoped to be able to repay her sacrifices, but until then, I could at least keep my word. With that in mind, I quickly changed from my scrubs into a pair of jeans and a T-shirt. After, I left and headed the few blocks to the dance studio, also in Brooklyn, and was glad to have made it before the recital actually started.
Ciara had killed it at her recital, and I was so thankful to have been able to be there. She’d been so excited too, and I had seen her entire expression change the moment she saw me in the audience. I hadn’t been able to make it to the first row as promised, but I had been standing up in the third, and had not missed a single second of her performance.
“Things are really starting to look up for us now,” I said to Monica as we sat in the living room.
Upstairs in our loft, Ciara was fast asleep, and I was hanging out with my best friend. The blonde smiled around the rim of her wine glass. “I’ve been telling you for years that your hard work would pay off.”
“I know,” I lamented. “It’s just been so hard struggling for as long as I have. This wasn’t supposed to be how life went for me.”
“It never is, but I’m so proud of all that you’ve accomplished.”
“It’s also hard when I feel so alone, well excluding you of course.”
She set her glass down, then mine before drawing me into her arms for a tight squeeze. “Your life has been so hard. Tobe left pregnant and alone after your mother and sister were brutally murdered. Most women would’ve given up, but you never did. You took control of your life, and now all of that hard work is going to pay off.”
I pulled away from her and tried to smile, but lately things had seemed off, although I couldn’t quite put my finger on why. “Mamma used to tell me to always be prepared because whenever the sun was out, rain would eventually follow.”
“Life is unpredictable for all of us. It’s nothing we can ever change. Instead of waiting for the other shoe to drop, you need to embrace each day and accomplishment and allow yourself the grace to find happiness in them.”
“I just can’t keep wondering what my twin or mother would be doing right now had they lived.”
“You’ll drive yourself crazy worrying about that. Just focus on what you do have. Ciara is in a wonderful school and thriving. She’s also one of the best dancers in her ballet class. You have a great new job, a new car, and this place. It’s small, but I think it suits you and Ciara perfectly. From how I see it, the only thing you’re missing is a man.”
“That’s the very least of my worries,” I assured her, and she shrugged before picking up her wine glass again.
“You can’t spend your adult life alone because some asshat played you for a fool when you were eighteen. It’s time to get back up on that horse and?—”
“He wasn’t just some asshat. I truly thought he would be the one for me. I’d given him every part of me– mind, body, and soul. He was my first lover, and?—”
