A sigh escaped me, and I brushed a few errant curls from my forehead before reaching for my glass. I picked it up, then shook what was nothing now but partially melted ice. I swung my legs down and stood up. My mother’s glass was also empty, and since I was going inside anyway, I cleared my throat.
“I’m going to get another drink. Would you like me to refill yours as well?”
She smiled up at me. “I would love some more tea, baby.” I returned her smile, or at least tried, which made her put her book down in her lap and turn fully toward me. “I know this summer has been hard on you. It didn’t start off that well, but this next year is going to be a great one.”
When she brought up the way it started, that was an understatement. Cillian and I had been caught sleeping together. I didn’t think my mother would ever forgive me, considering how angry she had been, but Rowan did end up needing more of my bone marrow, so we had left for the city a week after the incident.
My mother and I were very hopeful that this time, it would stick. The doctors were also optimistic about her prognosis, or at least as hopeful as they could be considering her condition and all. I’d never deny my sister a thing, and the last surgery ended up being what put things back on track for all of us.
“I think it will be great, too.” I didn’t want to add that I was hopeful because I knew Cillian would be back here. After all, I’d promised her that I wouldn’t see him again, but I knew it wasn’t something I could follow through with.
What was really strange was how distant he had been. Well, not distant. Completely silent. I had almost thought that he intended to come back and pretend I didn’t exist, or worse. Maybe he would do what I couldn’t, which was promise to stay away from me. That possibility had affected much of my mood this summer, but this morning, I had received a message from him, and now I was all giddy inside.
“Go ahead and get those drinks,” my mother reminded me, and I flashed a smile at her before hurrying into the house.
Once inside, I didn’t see my sister in the living room, so I walked to her bedroom. As expected, she was lying on the bedwith one of her favorite TV shows playing on the small television mounted on the wall in front of her.
“Are you okay, Ro?” I asked her. She looked over at me, and each time she did, it was like a gut punch. Rowan looked identical to me, and it was like looking into a mirror. My twin smiled at me, then nodded. “Do you need anything?” This time, she shook her head. “Well, I’m just outside if you change your mind.”
With that, I turned and had made it to the door when she spoke. “Actually, will you help me adjust my pillows?”
I hurried over to her, and as she leaned forward, I moved them around until she held her hand up for me to stop. As she leaned back against them, I stared at her. It was so hard to see myself, but not see me at the same time. I was able to run around the house, sit outdoors, go to school, and have sex with the most incredible boy I had ever met.
Rowan had a life which revolved around this bedroom and various doctor visits and inpatient hospital stays. She had never gotten to experience any of the things I tended to take for granted, yet she was so happy. Ro was never not smiling, even when dealing with excruciating pain or extreme nausea.
“I wish you would stop looking at me like that,” she finally said.
“Like what?” I asked.
“You always look like you’re about to cry every time you look at me.”
“Can you blame me?”
“Yes, because I’m good. Better than that actually because of you.”
“I don’t fol?—”
“We have a bond that can never be broken. While I can’t experience everything you have all our lives, I can still feel it through you. I can feel everything. Your joy...Your fear...Yoursadness...I live vicariously through you, so I want you to promise me you will live a full and adventurous life, not just for yourself, but for the two of us.”
Tears sprang to my eyes. My sister was a warrior, and I only wished I had even an ounce of her grace. “I promise,” I said to her, especially as my thoughts turned back to Cillian.
“Yes, that’s how I want to see you...Smiling just like you are now.”
“I love you, Ro,” I said to her.
“I love you too, and you might want to get that drink before Mamma comes in and starts fussing over us both.”
I didn’t doubt that my mother would do exactly that, so after leaning forward and kissing my twin’s forehead, I exited the room. There was not much iced tea left, so I made a mental note to get the ingredients tomorrow to make more of it, but I filled our glasses as best as I could with what was left, then rejoined my mother.
“Is everything okay?” she asked me when I set her glass down.
“Yes, I was talking to Rowan for a minute.”
“Is she?—”
“She’s great. She’s fully engrossed in whatever sitcom she’s watching.”
“I’ll still check on her when I go inside.”
