My bottom lip trembles. My father isn’t necessarily violent. He’s never hit any of us, other than spankings when we were little. He doesn’t scream at us or cuss us out. But when it comes to his alcohol and cigarettes, there’s no reasoning with him. There’s no taking it away because he’ll drive himself to the store to buy it. There’s no hiding it because he’ll tear the house apart until he finds it. He’s an addict who doesn’t have any desire to change.
This is why my brothers have checked out. He’s slowly killing himself. He’s missing out on all of our lives because he never learned to deal with the pain of my mother’s death. My brothers have the advantage of compartmentalization. They can put my father in a box in their minds. They love him for who he is tothem and for starting Redford Ranch, but they can separate the current state he’s in from their daily life.
It doesn’t work that way for me. It breaks me a little more every day to see him this way.
Suddenly, the realization that Sam is so similar to him makes me shudder. He copes with alcohol and pushes everyone away. Instead of facing what he’s been through head-on, he numbs the pain.
Girls usually end up dating men like their father.
My therapist, Nancy, warned me once about the type of men I would date when I opened up to her about my dad’s emotional and mental absence. I was in therapy off and on after my mom’s death. I was so lonely. Nancy was constantly warning me about dating the wrong types of guys and getting into a relationship with someone who would hurt me the same way my father had.
My decision to be done with Sam Seymour solidifies in my mind. I can keep staying at Moonlight and not get in his way. He avoids me like the plague anyway. And for some reason, that’s easier than being here too. A heavy sigh escapes my lips, just as a text buzzes through on my phone.
@ropesandchainsexciteme
I’m alive. Pretty banged up, but I’ll make it.
I smile at my phone. I texted Ropes late last night while I was having trouble sleeping to ask about how his fight went. Hearing from him makes my belly tingle with excitement.
@redreads
Well, did you win?
@ropesandchainsexciteme
Of course I won, Baby Red. You should see the other guy.
My heart drops into my stomach.Baby Red.
Sam Seymour calls me Baby Red.
The blood rushing in my ears makes me miss the rumble of a truck engine coming up the driveway until it’s almost parked. I look up to the red Ford F-150. I don’t recognize the vehicle, and the hair on the back of my neck immediately rises. My heart is thumping erratically, missing every few beats and making my skin feel clammy. I set my phone on the rocker.
“Pops, are you expecting anyone?” I ask.
Pops shakes his head. “No. Maybe the farrier?”
The farrier never comes on the weekends, so I know that can’t be him. I close out the messages on my phone, not allowing myself to dwell on it for now. My heart thumps unevenly in my chest.
There’s no way Sam is Ropes. No. Fucking. Way. It can’t be Sam that I’ve been talking to this whole time.
The driver’s door opens up, and Ben hops out of the vehicle, holding a bouquet of flowers. I sigh in relief. The tingling sensation crawling up my neck doesn’t ease.
I look like I just rolled out of bed because I practically did. I’m wearing pink camo sweatpants and a gray tank top with no bra.
It’s so early. What is he doing here before eight a.m.? How does he know where I live?
“Well, hi there, beautiful. You haven’t been texting me back, so I thought maybe you forgot about today.”
I stand up, setting my coffee mug on the porch railing as I walk down to where he is.
“Hi, Ben. What’s today? How did you know where the ranch was?”
He grins, pulling me close and leaning down toward my face. I turn to the side, alarm bells ringing in the back of my mind.
He did not just try to kiss me …
“We planned a breakfast date. We talked about it when we were out to dinner. And I just asked around at Old Harry’s. Two different people gave me directions.”
