I bury my face in my hands, but my ears are burning. They don’t let up.
Erin leans closer, her red lipstick still perfect despite the hotdish, and says, “So what’s really going on? Because there’s definitely something.”
My heart thuds. I could lie. I could deflect. But these are my best girls, and I would hate to lie to them. It’s been hard enough to keep it a secret this long.
“Things have…been changing. A little,” I blurt out.
The table erupts. Goldie squeals. Erin slaps the table like she’s just won a prize. Ava’s eyes widen with delight.
“Changing?” Erin repeats. “As in…”
“As in, we’re not fighting as much anymore,” I say quickly, downplaying everything. “Sometimes he actually…makes me laugh. Sometimes it feels…” I trail off, realizing I’ve said too much.
“Like you’re into each other,” Goldie says, practically glowing.
“Like sparks,” Erin supplies helpfully. “Literal sparks, Juju.”
Ava grins, chin propped on her hand. “I even saw it.”
“I don’t know aboutsparks,” I groan, starting to second-guess saying anything.
“Girl, you are in denial,” Erin says.
“I’m just…being realistic. He hasn’t said anything about what this is, and if he wants to keep it a secret, how into me can he really be?”
That hushes them for a second.
Erin sobers, eyes narrowing. “Wait. Secret? What do you mean?”
I shrug, fiddling with my napkin. “He doesn’t want Jackson to know. Or maybe anyone, I don’t know. He hasn’t exactly spelled it out. And if he’s not willing to admit it to anyone, then maybe it’s not worth as much as it feels like.”
Goldie leans across the table, earnest now. “Juju. My brother is an idiot. He overthinks everything. If Camden’s keeping it quiet, it’s not because he doesn’t care. It’s because he cares too much and he’s scared he’ll screw it up. They were ridiculous with that whole off-limits thing. Camden’s probably scared of what Jackson will do to him if he finds out.”
“Camden could take Jackson…easy,” I mutter.
Goldie laughs. “True, but despite the way the two of you have bickered for years, he’s a lover, not a fighter.”
Erin points at me. “Exactly. He looked at you like you’d hung the moon at broomball. That is not a lukewarm man. You need to pin that man to the wall like you do your favorite recipes.” She points at me. “Knead him until he rises.”
She tips her head and lifts her eyebrows, eyes laser-focused on me.
The table falls apart laughing.
“She’s not wrong!” Ava says.
I press my lips together, trying to rein in my smile and this giddiness taking over…trying not to let their words burrow under my skin. Because I want to believe them. I want to replay every kiss over and over, the way his hand steadied me, the way he looked at me. He’s so intense, and normally, I’d think he does nothing halfway, but this––keeping us a secret––it feels halfway.
So the part of me that’s learned not to expect too much wins out.
“Well,” I say, lifting my fork again, “until he decides to prove it, I’m not going to hang my hopes on secret sparks.”
The girls exchange knowing looks. I stab a bite of hotdish with more force than necessary.
Erin grins slyly. “Denial,” she singsongs.
Goldie echoes, “Big fat denial.”
Even Ava joins in, her voice soft but amused. “Denial with a side of Tater Tot.”
