I level Francis with a serious look. It’s known as my icy chill, having scared a lot of people with it. Mainly people who don’t want to get on my bad side. “For some people, I’m sure that’s true. But not for me. Get rid of this and bring me another roasted chicken without rosemary.”
“But the party is in an hour. I can’t get this done in an hour.”
“How much am I paying you?”
Francis huffs. “Your mother is paying me. Not you. And she requested this.”
“But it’s my party,” I seethe. At twenty, it’s tiring being tied to my mother still. She and my sister, Nina, were always close and still are, whereas I was more of the black sheep. The one no one ever got along with. I always used to see it as other people’s problems. Maybe I was slightly to blame. I’m becoming mature enough to admit to that. But it was also not fully my fault.
Nothing ever is.
“I do whatever who pays me tells me to do.”
I flip the plate of chicken and it lands on a heap on the floor. “There. Now go make another one.”
Francis sighs and finally nods, giving me what I want. “One roasted chicken coming right up.”
“Withoutrosemary,” I call out after her.
“It’s going to taste boring, you know,” Nina says, entering the kitchen. She gives the chicken on the floor a glance before turning to me. “You always did have the most boring palate. Like a child’s.”
I cross my arms. “Excuse you. It’s my birthday today. You don’t get to say rude things to me.”
Nina cracks a smile and draws me into her arms. “Sorry. Old habits can sometimes die hard. But you could have given the caterer a break. She was just doing what Mom asked her to do. You didn’t have to scare her. I thought you were going to get better at this, Susanna.”
“Better at what?” I ask innocently.
Nina levels a look of her own at me. “Better at your attitude. You’ve matured a lot in some regards. But you can still let your attitude get the best out of you. Don’t you want to be better? Happier?”
I sigh and lean against the counter. It digs into my hip. I’ve always worked hard to be thin, especially when I was a fastbloomer. Nina was always a late bloomer. Even though she’s my older sister, she got breasts after I did. It used to make me self-conscious. Still does, if I’m being honest with myself. She was always so naturally thin whereas I had to make a conscious effort to control my figure. I’m proud of how thin I am but sometimes it’s exhausting being so in control of everything all the time.
Of course, I don’t tell my sister this. We were never ones to spill our deepest, darkest secrets to.
“Sure,” I say. “Who doesn’t want to be happier? But I will be happier when I can get out of Mom’s house. Alek needs to find me a husband of my own. I’m jealous that you get to have Luca. I want that. I want love. I want fun. I want to have sex.”
“You could date,” Nina offers.
I scoff. “You know Alek would never agree to that. We’re supposed to remain innocent virgins until our wedding night.”
“I’m amazed you still are, given how much you like to sneak out to clubs.”
I duck my chin. “I used to do that but I haven’t in a while. Not after…”
“After?”
“After you could have died.”
We both go silent. About two years ago, Nina was kidnapped by some enemy of Luca’s… Gabriel, if I remember his name. She almost died and something changed in me knowing I could lose my sister. It made me more cautious. More aware of things. I didn’t want to go out to nightclubs and put myself in danger.
“Right,” Nina finally says.
“Besides,” I say with a flip of my blonde hair, “I want the first man to touch me to be worthy of me. Not some random man who doesn’t deserve me. I have self-respect and self-worth.”
“Meaning you want a high-status mafia man to be your husband just so you can show him off.”
I flash my sister my smile. It’s truly my best feature. “Exactly. I won’t settle for anything less.”
“We should probably clean this chicken off the floor. Mom will be angry if we get ants in her house.”
