I let my cheek linger on his shoulder for a moment before returning to my own food and looking around the table. At the other end, leaning into a woman I’d started to get to know now that I was aware of her existence, were Deeks and his “girl,” Autumn. He hated me being in the vicinity of her most of the time, mainly because she was more than happy to share stories about their past. They had a unique take on partnerships. They’d been together for the last twenty years, but they had an open relationship. She knew Deeks slept with other women; in fact she encouraged it. When I asked how she dealt with it, she said, “Variety is the spice of life, honey. Deeks was never a one-woman kinda man. If I wanted him in my life, I had to make compromises. Turns out it wasn’t all that bad as long as it was atwo-way street.” She’d winked at me, and leaned forward, her finger pushing my chin up so my mouth closed. As long as she was the one Deeks went home to, the one he loved, she said the rest was just noise. I think it was that moment where I fell in love with her myself. Deeks, though hating the sudden camaraderie, seemed to find some satisfaction in the fast-growing bond I was developing with her. I may never have her take on life. I may never have the open-mindedness to share Drew and be okay with it, but that didn’t mean I didn’t admire her.
My hand, still on Drew’s thigh, squeezed gently. There were times I wondered whether I would have to make a judgment call like that in my life. As much as I knew I didn’t want that, I loved Drew in a way I never thought was possible. Would he want that? Could I put aside my need to have him to myself just to keep him in my life? I wasn’t sure, and I hoped I would never have to make that decision.
Chapter Two
Drew
Thanksgiving had arrived, and for the first time in a long time, I had a lot to be thankful for.
Two weeks had passed since the night in the forest, four weeks since my life had flashed before my eyes and I’d seen Ayda’s home turn into a blazing beacon of orange and black. Time was flying by, yet dragging its ass. I had a reason to live when I was locked up in the room with my woman, the blinds on the rest of the world closed and nothing but her quiet whispers in my ear.
That also meant I had a reason to die—a sacrifice I was willing to make today if it meant keeping her and the rest of the men around me breathing. I held no fear of that moment happening so long as they were safe. All I felt was strength. The only thing I knew I would feel would be regret. Regret that I didn’t meet her sooner, regret that our lives couldn’t have been better together, and regret that I hadn’t been able to save what I now knew she couldn’t live without anymore: the man she loved without restriction, even when he struggled to love himself.
As I looked around the table and Ayda’s grip on me tightened, I gave her another curious, sideways glance. She was the most beautiful woman that existed. Not just for theway she looked, but for the stuff that went on inside of her, too. That heart of hers was big enough and strong enough to take on the whole fucking world, but even she had moments of weakness. She had moments where her mask slipped as much as mine did and right then was one of them.
Following her gaze, I glanced over at Deeks and Autumn before turning back to study that look on Ayda’s face. She was lost in a cloud of her own curiosity, and, given who she was currently staring at, it wasn’t hard for me to guess what she might be thinking. I wasn’t going to press her about it. I was slowly learning that there was shit I should know and shit I most definitely shouldn’t. Picking my battles with her was becoming an art form. There was no way I was going to ruin Thanksgiving by daring to stamp her with mydo-not-even-think-of-asking-me-to-fucking-share-youstick. It would turn into one of those fights where I end up apologizing for shit I didn’t even know I’d done wrong.
I hated those fights.
Those, I had no clue how to win.
I was just about to lean over and bring her back to the land of the living by whispering what I was going to do to her later, when Slater leaned over my shoulder to speak quietly in my ear, making sure I was the only one who could hear him.
“Is this a no business day or can we discuss something?”
There was an edge to his voice, one I’d heard a thousand times before, growing up with him. It made my spine stiffen. With everything going on in our lives, living like we were breathing on borrowed time was a new part of our everyday routine—one that I tried like hell to hide from Ayda and Tate.
Keeping my face forward, I jabbed my fork onto my plate, not bothering to look at what food I was scooping up asI casually shoved it in my mouth and spoke through tight lips.
“It’s Thanksgiving, Slate.”
“No shit,” he replied, shuffling his feet closer as his hands found the back of my chair.
“And Ayda has gone to a lot of fucking trouble to make sure weallenjoy it.” I turned subtly to the side, my eyes straining to lock with his as I flashed a look that told him enough.
“Message received.”
“Unless it’s urgent, I’m not interested.”
Ayda’s hand roamed farther up my thigh, and I knew that her attention was now on my brother and me. The downside of spending so much time with this woman was that it was getting harder for me to cover up the stuff I didn’t want anyone else to see.
Whether she knew the tenor of the conversation or not, she smiled at the people around her and leaned in, her lips barely moving as she reached over me for the salt.
“Do what you have to do. You can make it up to me later.” There was a hint of humor in her voice, but under it was a level of understanding.
Keeping my eyes trained on Slater, I didn’t have to say or do anything other than raise my brows in question.
He shot Ayda an apologetic glance before he tapped the ends of my chair with his hands and slowly shook his head. “It can wait.”
“Thank you,” I said through a flat smile. All I wanted was one day. One day to try and at least pretend that we were capable of living in some kind of normalcy, for her and her brother, not for me.
Harry and Jedd both made it clear that they’d seen ourexchange and, as reliable as ever, Harry pushed his chair back and went to follow Slater without even a second thought. If there was anything I needed to know, Harry would make damn sure I was made aware of it, whether it was Thanksgiving or fucking Christmas. I trusted his judgement more than my own.
Rubbing my lips together, I cleared my throat and spun around in my seat to face Ayda. Not giving her a chance to respond, I grabbed a hold of her cheeks and pulled her closer, pressing my lips to hers with enough force to show her how much she meant to me, but not enough to scare her. I knew how nervous she got when it came to club shit.
“What was that for?” she whispered, lifting her hands to cover mine, the tips of her fingers dusting over my skin. “Not that I’m complaining, of course.”
“Can’t I just find my girl irresistible enough to want to kiss her whenever I feel like it?”
