They were showing Drew their allegiance and giving Tate and I our benediction.
Tate was swept up into the sea of bodies, and for a moment it felt like a mosh pit. My body was pressed against Drew’s, my hand grappling for Tate’s to keep him close. It didn’t last long. Tate was swept up into crowd of men. Pats on his back, squeezes on his shoulder and rough shakes of encouragement brought a smile to his face I honestly hadn’t seen in years. His dimples came out in full force as he ducked his head, and he finally looked like the fifteen-year-old he was, rather than the man he’d been forced to be.
I just watched, my cheek pressed against Drew’s arm and a smile on my lips, as he was welcomed with open arms. It was that very focus that had left me open for attack. Deeks was the first to approach, his arms sweeping around me and pulling me against him, his grip careful enough to allow me permanent contact with Drew, but room enough to brush my cheek with his lips.
He didn’t speak directly to me, though. He stepped back, held me at arms length and gave me a wink before averting his eyes to Drew. “About fucking time, kid. I always said you needed a girl with a good head on her shoulders.”
Drew’s body still tensed whenever anyone approached him, and I could already see the switch from the man of the morning to the man of the night. He was assessing the whole room, even when he didn’t realize he was doing it. Exhaling quietly, he gave Deeks his usual nod before reaching up to slap his arm. “Is that what you said? I must have just heard girl and head. The rest faded away. Good job I got there in the end.” He laughed roughly.
It was such a guy thing to say, but it seemed to be the answer Deeks was expecting. The roll of his eyes for my benefit was eclipsed by the glint of humor as he punched Drew on the shoulder and moved headlong into a group of men with coolers and beer.
Deeks wasn’t the only one to include me like that. Most of the guys were very respectful, a kiss on the cheek before whispering something to Drew, a squeeze of my hand, even a kiss on the forehead from some of them. It was acceptance. They were accepting me into their lives the same way I’d accepted them.
Drew never let me wander far from his touch. Whether it was just our bodies pushed together, our hands gripped or him pulling me tight against his chest, we were always in contact. I wasn’t sure if it was for his benefit or mine, but either way it was what I needed. The reassurances of having him close and within reach helped with the surreal transition that seemed to be occurring.
It was only when they passed out the beers and started to talk strategy that I slipped away with Tate. Someone had thought to bring food, and I was going to throw something together before the party really got started for the night. First though, I had to get some order going on in the place. Themess was even more substantial without Drew there to distract me.
“It looks like a hurricane rolled through here,” Tate said quietly, picking up a few pots and pans and looking around in confusion. He wasn’t wrong. The place had literally been gutted. There was even a cabinet hanging at a weird angle, which was quite a feat considering how sturdy it looked.
“It kinda did, kid. Pass me the skillet, I’m gonna use that.”
Tate handed me the cast iron skillet and continued to move around, his thoughts filtering through as he worked. “Travis said he and Moose rode past the house on the way over here.”
I’d only just got the fire on the stove lit when he said it. The pan was still in my hands. Closing my eyes, I tried not to think about what we’d lost and focus on what we’d gained. There were so many memories in that house, so many personal things of our parents’ scattered in the spare room. All of it was gone, except the insurance forms and wills. I’d bought a fireproof safe as our lawyer had advised and put it in my closet. It was probably the only smart thing I’d ever really done.
“Oh, yeah?” I finally said, opening my eyes and realizing the pan was trembling along with my hands.
“Chief Sutton was out there. So was Sloane. They said the house wasn’t even really there no more. Just foundation and scattered firewood still burning.” He dropped something, and I turned my head to look at him over my shoulder. “Our house blew up, Ayda. Blew. Up!”
He made a motion with his hands, all of the breath collecting in his cheeks before he blew it out and dropped his hands and the pan lids back to his sides. I tried to keep myface neutral.
“It’s just a house, T.”
“Come on, Ayda.”
I took a deep breath and looked back at the wall, setting the pan on the flame and turning it low before heading toward my kid brother who was looking lost. Finding an unbroken chair in the breakfast nook, I sat it upright and pushed him into it so I at least had a chance of being at eye level with him. It was still so easy to forget how young he was, and though losing the house was just as devastating to me, I was burying it as deep as I could until I had to think about it.
“Listen to me, Tate,” I said, resting my hands on his shoulders with my forehead against his. “You and me, we’re survivors. We’ve had to be. The house is just a house. It’s a thing. I hate that it’s gone, too, but we have our memories, and no one can take those away from us.”
I took a breath and kissed his forehead as I stood up. His young eyes were showing me every emotion he was feeling.
“Out there is a room full of survivors, too. They’ve offered to protect us. They’ve accepted us into their family.” I closed my eyes slowly and sucked in a breath. I knew what I had to do, but for the first time since our parents had died, my selfishness was taking over and making it hard to form the question. It was a simple one, very few words, not many syllables, and yet I choked on them. I knew that I would always do what was best for Tate, no matter what that meant for me. I knew that I would move mountains if he asked me to, but I was terrified I would resent him for this one if his response was the opposite of my own desires. “Is this what you want, T?”
“What do you mean?”
I backed away and planted my hands on my hips, pacing a few times before meeting his gaze again. “The Hounds. The Hut. Drew and me?”
“Ayda…”
“Wait. Just let me finish, T. You’re fifteen years old. You have this huge chance to get a scholarship, maybe even play pro one day. You heard what they said out there. You know as well as I do there’s a war being waged. I can’t change who I love, but I can do what’s best for you.”
“If you want what’s best for me, Ayda, keep doing what you’re doing. These last few weeks you’ve been happy and I’ve actually felt like I got my family back. I know that’s selfish because you’ve been working so hard to keep us going, but you and Drew, you kinda make sense. He makes you happy, which makes me happy.” He shuffled awkwardly, resting his elbows on his knees. “And I like that you come to my games on Fridays now.”
I huffed out a laugh and tipped my head to the side, calling him to me. He was out of his chair in a second, his thick arms closing around me and pulling me into a bear hug, while mine squeezed around his neck, chirping as my feet left the ground.
“Promise me something, T,” I whispered, knowing that it was important for him to know he could come to me.
“Anything.”
