Pressing my lips together, I let my head fall back on my shoulders and stared at the sky above me. “Or maybe too terrified? So terrified, I can’t sleep or think straight. So confused— Forget it.”
Drew swiveled in one half spin, his hands still in place and his body never moving as he looked up at me through hooded eyes and glared. “If you think I’m just going to let you walk away, you’re an idiot.”
“Why?” I asked, rolling my head so I could see him properly. “Why can’t you just leave me alone, and please don’t say because of the debt I owe you, because we both know that’s not the case. That was worked off the first eight hours I spent in that place.”
“Not all debts are about money.”
“So what, you still need the blood, sweat and tears? You want me to keep stroking that ego of yours? Maybe use the crosshairs you had put on me for target practice?” I was whispering but with intent, and the last word was hissed out with such an emotional sound, the people in front of us turned around.
“All of the above.”
I couldn’t take anymore. I couldn’t have that conversation there. Standing up, I pushed past him on shaky legs and started to jog down the stairs, my cheeks flaring with heatas every eye in our section turned to watch. The dread had replaced any heat his presence had brought with him, and now I was just cold—cold and on the brink of tears. I hated crying. I hated showing anyone they had the power to get under my skin like that.
With my arms folded, I marched across the little area where the food trucks were, dumping the last of my hotdog before I slipped behind one of the brick buildings that stored the football equipment. I didn’t know why I isolated myself that way, but as my fingers traced my name carved into the brick, I fought to find some oxygen.
I ignored the arrival of Drew behind me, until the piercing stare was too much to disregard. The weight of his gaze carried too many questions and orders.
“I can’t… I can’t do this, Drew. I don’t like who I am when I’m around all of this shit.”
“Around all this shit or around me?”
“Does it matter?”
“Yes.”
“Why?” I asked, kicking the wall in front of me. “Why does it matter so much? Admit it, Drew, I could say anything right now and it would be the wrong answer. You keep pushing for my honesty and throw it back in my face. Why would I trust you with a truth that has the ability to cripple me?”
His hands were in his pockets when he took a step closer. “Because it would be the brave thing for you to do for once in your life.”
I retreated away from him, his one step propelling me back two. I had been more honest than I’d ever intended to be up to that point, and he was still pushing. There was no tit fortat with him. He took, but never gave. If I gave any more of myself, I wasn’t sure I would be able to recover.
“No, Drew. It would be a stupid thing to do.”
He moved again and I feared that if he came any closer, I’d be trapped there with no way out whatsoever.
“Then all I’m left with is assumptions,” Drew whispered, his head dropping down to try and catch my line of sight. “And right now, with the way things are, I can only assume that everything you do is done with the sole intention of pissing me off—to defy me at every turn. That’s all this is about for you.”
My head shook from side to side, the emotional avalanche making me more confused than I was before. “Why does everything have to come back to you exerting your control? I’ve conceded to you over and over again, and for one tiny moment in time, you even had my trust. I don’t want to defy you, Drew. That’s never been the point, and if I bend anymore, I’m going to break. If that’s what you want, just do it and get it over with because this psychological warfare isn’t fair.”
I should have expected some kind of physical contact as payback from my outburst before I even finished talking, but when Drew took the final steps to close the gap between us and his hand flew up to my face, all I could do was stare up into his eyes and wait. “You have no idea what I want,” he whispered down at me before dropping his lips to mine and kissing me more gently than I could ever have imagined he was capable of.
For a moment, I was stunned. I stood with my hands at my sides as my brain raced to catch up with the rest of me. My stomach had tightened so violently that I gasped into his mouth, spurring my lips to move against his, my hands fistingthe hoodie under the leather to pull him closer.
His mouth was warm against mine, and before I sank completely into its compelling touch, my brain screamed that this was just going to lead to more pain. Only, I couldn’t find it in myself to care. As with everything else Drew Tucker did, he took control, his lips coaxing mine apart before sweeping his tongue inside hungrily.
I was on my toes, pressing myself against him, and I felt the heat of his body seep into mine. He smelled like leather and engines, whiskey and man, and my whole body yawned and stretched into life, making sure conscious thought was no longer an option as he encompassed and compelled me. In that moment, all I was aware of was him, and the way our mouths moved together in perfect synchronicity.
Then he was gone, his breath washing over my cheeks until my eyes flickered open and met his.
I wasn’t sure if it was my imagination and I was just seeing what I’d hoped to see, but for a passing second, I thought he looked as stunned and surprised as I felt with every fiber of my being. Drew’s eyes scanned mine as he continued to hold me in place, but just as quickly as he stopped the kiss, he also started to back away and retreat.
His hand rose to the stubble across his chin before he started rubbing it slowly, leading the tips of his fingers to his mouth while I just stood there, breathless and confused.
“You’re not the only one who’s terrified, Ayda.”
I shoved my hands in my back pockets to stop myself reaching out for him. I could already feel the backlash building in my chest. It was going to be another sleepless night, another morning of sore eyes and a heavy heart.
“Then stay.”
