Every time he touched me, I slid further into the fantasy. I let myself pretend this was real — that the way he held me down, the way he came apart inside me, meant something. That he was mine.
“And can you imagine what it had to be like for a woman back then to walk all that way while pregnant? And they didn’t haverestrooms to stop in, and you know Mary probably had to stop and go plenty of times.”
The church crowd chuckled politely. I didn’t. Because right then Nick’s phone buzzed on the pew beside me — the same phone he’d abandoned to go to the restroom.
I shouldn’t have looked.
I knew better.
But I looked anyway.
And when I saw the message, it felt like someone hooked a fist inside my gut and twisted.
Hey suga, what are you doing after church? I miss you… when can you see me again? I’m so horney.
No name. Just a number.
No explanation.
No mercy.
I stared at the words until they blurred, until they burned themselves into the backs of my eyelids. My fingers twitched, itching to snatch the phone, to smash it, to text back something vicious and mean and humiliating.
He’s married, I wanted to scream.
He’s mine.
Except he wasn’t.
Not really.
We weren’t real.
We were a fucking business transaction wearing white lies and borrowed rings.
Maybe she knew. Maybe she didn’t. Maybe she thought he was single.Maybe he told her the truth — that I was nothing more than a placeholder until he found someone he actually wanted.
And why wouldn’t he?
Why wouldn’t he find someone better, cleaner, easier to love?
The nausea rose fast, bitter and hot. I clenched my jaw to keep from sobbing in the middle of the sermon.
He could’ve had anyone.
If she mattered, why didn’t he marry her instead of shackling himself to me?
Maybe he was planning to end this. Maybe he already had the divorce papers drawn up, folded neatly and final inside his desk drawer.
The seat dipped as Nick slid back in beside me.
I stiffened so hard my muscles screamed.
I felt him glance at me out of the corner of his eye after he checked his phone, and saw the message.
I didn’t move.
I didn’t blink.
