I’ve never eaten at a McDonald’s.”
“Really? Never?”
“Nope, never. My mom told me it was rat food.”
“Huh. I lost my virginity at sixteen.”
I went to open my mouth, but I closed it
I wasn’t sure if I should tell him when I lost mine.
Would he judge me? Will he think I'm disgusting and dirty, like the way I feel half the time?Even though mine wasn’t lost, it was taken from me.
“I lost mine at thirteen,” I said, lowering my voice.
“Dang, girl. And you don’t know what you like in bed?” He says through a laugh.
I sighed, placing my hands on the table. “Having sex and knowing what you like are two different things.”
“Yeah, but it sounds like you must like it, if you were that curious to find out what it’s all about at thirteen.”
He’s trying to be funny, but the ache in my stomach makes it hard to focus on anything but the disgust I feel in my gut.
“No wonder your mom got you on birth control. I would, too, if I found out my daughter was having sex at such a young age.”
I look him straight in the eyes. Anger, disgust, all those feelings are rushing back to me, forcing me to deal with my past.
Should I lie? No, I have nothing to lose by telling him the truth, and if we were going to pull this off, I needed to be honest.
Just say it, make it quick, rip it off like a band-aid.
“No, my mom never knew I was having sex. I got on birth control because that’s when my stepdad started having sex with me.”
Holy shit, I can’t believe I just admitted that. Why did I do that? I didn’t even really know Nick, what if he was some sick twisted rapist himself. He was eleven years older than me.
Oh my God, Oh my God, Oh my God.
With shaky hands, I reached for my fork and forced myself to take a bite of my eggs, trying to play off the unease in my stomach. When I swallowed, it felt like a rock was going down my throat, and my mouth was so dry. I felt his gaze on me, but I didn’t want to look at him. I wasn’t ready to face him.
What did I just do?
I wanted to scream at the top of my lungs for being stupid.
“Are you serious?”
My body tensed, and I snapped.“What, you think you’re the only survivor here? Because you're not, we all have shit happen to us, but at least I don’t act so damn sad and mop around because I survived the bullshit that man put me through time and time again. You don’t have to go to war with guns to be a survivor. You just have to go to war with the wicked.”
Not ready to answer any more questions, I pick up my plate, place it in the sink, and head back upstairs, leaving Nick speechless.
18
NICK
Icouldn’t move. Her words hit like a gut punch, stopping everything. Breathing, thinking, blinking. Just… gone. The air around me thickened, clamped down on my chest. All the pieces that never quite fit—her flinches, her cold walls, the way she looked like she was always bracing for something—they snapped into place with violent clarity. And suddenly, it made sense. Why she didn’t want to go home. Why she always seemed a second away from bolting.
Did her mom know? She had to. But how could she ignore something like that?
My fork clattered against the plate as I stood, heart racing. I took the stairs two at a time, blood roaring in my ears, anger burning in my throat, though I didn’t know who it was for—her mother, her stepdad, myself.
