We stared at each other until I felt my anger ebb away, revealing the more truthful emotion underneath. “Oliver…left,” was all I could say, before I turned away and sit down on the bed.
Niklaus’s demeanor changed instantly, from powerful Hollywood executive to supportive friend and submissive. He crouched down next to me, took my hand, and said, “Talk to me, Elliot.”
So I did. I poured out all my regrets and pain, and he listened without comment until I was done.
After that, he told me a few hard truths.
Afterthat, he convinced me to stay, and to attend both the meeting and the masquerade.
But when I first set foot into the Bellamy Grand, and saw a very familiar figure standing ten feet away, I almost turned tail and ran. It couldn’t be. Could it?
And then I heard his voice, and Iknew.
This—thiswas where he worked? I’d glowered around the place, wondering what, exactly, about this marble-laden hotel had been so important to Oliver that it had stolen him from me? But I caught myself quickly.
Oliver’s career was important to him, and so it should have been important tome. I saw that now, would have told him all about my grand epiphany if I’d had the chance, but pulling him aside, embarrassing him,begginghim to return to me—none of those were viable options.
Oliver was at work, and I was determined to respect that, even if it had killed me to pretend not to know him. I wanted to stare, to greedily memorize that full, sweet face, the one I’d dreamt of seeing for so long, but I resisted. I resisted as long as I could, until he arrived in front of me bearing a water jug and reminding me painfully, immediately of Ganymede. I could control my eyes no longer, staring him full in the face—and only succeeded in startling him.
I tried my best to save him from embarrassment, and it occurred to me that—if he was here, serving at the meeting—I might have one last chance to speak to him, tobeghim to listen.
Knowing he was there made the music flow freely and easily from my fingers. It gave me a chance to tell him everything Iwantedto tell him, without words.
But as the last vibrations died away, and I’d looked over to where he’d been standing, he had disappeared. Gone.
He’d left me for the final time.
* * *
Oliver has gone, but I am still here.
I made Niklaus and Zee a promise: that I would come to the masquerade ball and stayat leastan hour. I believe they think I might actuallyforgetenough to enjoy myself.
Tonight, as I get ready alone in my room, I can hear the merriment from below, the faint, discordant notes of theDanse Macabreplaying through the first floor sound system, and—already—the shrieks and moans familiar from any kink night in this household.
I look into the mirror as I adjust the mask. It’s quite slim, covering only my eyes, but I’m still thankful for it. Perhaps no one will recognize me, and I’ll be able to escape small talk. For the first time in a long time, my hair seems to be behaving as I comb it carefully over the strings of the mask.
After that, I have no more excuses to stay here in my room.
I descend the stairs slowly, taking in the atmosphere, picking out places where I might hide away alone for this hour that I promised my hosts. All the happy couples, the laughter and the love and the give and take of power…all of it only serves to remind me that my own selfishness, my own foolishness, cost me the man who could have been the great love of my life.
No one has noticed my entrance, thankfully. The party is in full swing—a cross between a kink night and a ball, with a few American elements thrown in for good measure, such as bowls of Halloween candy included here and there in the tempting buffet, and a bowl of poison-green punch, smoking with dry ice.
The attendees are a strange mix of costumed, formally attired, and leather aficionados. I know that there are members of the household staff here tonight, but they aren’t expected to serve tonight—unless, like Daniel, whom I see taking around a tray of drinks, theywantto serve.
The place is filled with more people than usual. Zee and Niklaus are always careful about who they invite to these events, but this year they seem to have doubled the guest list. And the last thing I want is to get into conversation tonight.
I’m not at all in the mood.
I make sure no one is looking my way and slip out the French doors, heading toward the maze.
Perhaps there I might at least find some comfort in my memories of Oliver.
CHAPTER34
Elliot
Iignore the path in favor of walking across the grass directly to the maze, and then move as fast as I can toward Ganymede and the eagle. It’s more difficult in the dark, and when I take a wrong turn, the whole thing takes on a nightmarish quality, as though I’ll never find my way.
