Because if I don’t accept all of that, I’ll lose everything that matters to me.
And so this time, I decide, I won’t take the familiar route through the maze, the well-worn path that I know, that I could tread with my eyes closed. Instead, I turn back, find one of those ingeniously-disguised diagonal cuts through the hedges, and slide through it.
A shortcut.
It’s not cheating at all, I discover, as I get to Ganymede and the eagle in record time. It’s the smarter way through. The moredirectway through.
Peace settles on me as I run a hand over Ganymede’s smooth shoulder. How like Oliver he seems, so straight and tall and unafraid of the viciously sharp beak of the eagle to which he holds up the bowl.
I’m beginning to see a new path forward. A way to restore Arden Hall along with my heart. To achieve my goal, there are some things that will have to change. Some things I’ll have to sacrifice. But for the first time in a long time, I don’t fear giving up old, familiar ways.
The idea of a new start—a new world—fills me with longing.
* * *
Oliver is grumpy when he returns to me at night, though he tries to hide it. He’s home earlier, since he started earlier, but I’m not sure if it makes his mood any better. I’m hopeful that my suggestion to him might improve that mood, but I’m nervous enough about making it that I’m awkward towards him.
“Would you like some tea? Coffee? Dinner? Perhaps a bath?” I say, while my thoughts tumble around inside my head, a tangle ofmusicandhopeandOliver.
But he shrugs off all offers as easily as he shrugs off his clothes, and says that he just wants to sit at my feet for a while. “I need to regroup,” he mutters.
What I have to say can wait. And itdoesseem to help him, sitting still and focused at my feet. I even manage to get over the tricky part of my composition for the theme song, the notes settling to roost on the bars with an ease they did not show this morning.
“I’d love to hear you play again.” He’s looking up at me, eyes large and pleading. “Can’t you take the headphones out?”
I smile, run my hand through his hair. “I’d wake the entire house. But here—” I take the headphones off and settle them on his head instead.
“Oh—thankyou, my lord, but—you don’t need them?”
“I needyouto be happy. I want to make sure you have what you need. Anything, Oliver. Anything and everything.”
His smile gets wider as I begin to play for him. Not that miserable theme song, but the song that comes to me when I’m so close to him.Hissong. I don’t need to hear the notes for this piece; it’s carved into my heart as surely as I carved it into his skin.
In the quiet, I listen to his even breathing, and dare to dream that we could continue like this.
Not here in Zee and Niklaus’s house, of course. I’ll have to find property of my own here in Los Angeles if I’m to stay here, as I plan to do.
I made up my mind while I was there in the clearing of the maze, staring into Ganymede’s face. I’d come to Los Angeles hoping to save Arden Hall, and found a way to save myself instead.
It may be reckless and foolish and I might even come to regret it, but I don’t care.
I want Oliver. Iwanthim.
And I will do whatever I need to do to move forward with him. If that means leaving England, I will leave England. I’ll take further contracts in Hollywood as needed, compose whatever tripe they want, and send the proceeds back to Arden Hall. But I will reside here in Los Angeles, and continue to build on the foundations that Oliver and I have laid between us over these last few weeks.
Oliver rouses from his position and looks up at me with a deep, happy smile.
It’s now. Now is when I need to tell him—no, toaskhim, if I moved here, would he…?
“What is it?” he asks, squinting up at my face.
He takes off the headphones as I stamp down on the butterflies in my belly. “I wanted to discuss something with you,” I begin, but I’m interrupted by a jaunty ringtone.
Oliver bites his lip.
“Is that…aphone?” I ask, when he makes no further movement.
My words break the spell. Oliver jumps up and begins to hunt around in the clothes he took off when he entered the room, babbling, “I’m so sorry, I was going to tell you, I just didn’t think they’d call this soon—”
