“What?Yes, of course.” He gives a giggle. “Brandon’s a sub, too.”
“That doesn’t mean you can’t betogether.”
“Well—Iguessnot. But I wouldn’t be here if we were. And even when we were scening together, the two of us with a Dom, we were focused onhim, not each other.”
“Do you prefer…that sort of play? With more than two people involved?”
“Not really. Not these days. Brandon…” He shifts beside me. “B got collared,” he continues in a soft voice.
“You don’t approve of the match?”
“It’s not that. I’m happy for him. I just wish…”
He shifts in my arms again, and, with a sharp twinge of empathy, I understand. Oliver isenvious. Envious of the happiness of others. I know very well how that feels.
“Anyway,” he goes on briskly, “Brandon has Heath now, and as for me, well…I’m an unrepentant monogamist these days. I know it’s not very fashionable, but I am what I am. I’ve sown all the wild oats I had in me.”
“There’s no shame in wanting to be loved,” I tell him. “It’s a basic human need.”
“Right?” he agrees. “I just want one guy.One manto be with. I haven’t found the right Dom yet to dedicate myself to, but when I do…” His lips brush mine in the darkness. “When I do, it will be only him, forever. The center of my universe. I guess that’s just the way I’m made.”
“Andverynicely made you are, too,” I tell him, before kissing him passionately again.
I can’t help feeling pleased with everything he’s said, can’t help imagining thatImight have the chance to be that center of his universe, which is silly, since tomorrow…
Tomorrow, Oliver is leaving.
He hasn’t mentioned the possibility of staying at all, even after I raised it. I extended the invitation. He politely ignored it. I certainly won’t reduce myself to abject begging.
And so I suppose I must bring myself around to letting him go.
Again.
CHAPTER18
Oliver
Iwake later than usual the next morning. I can tell, because of how different the light is—how far it’s crept around the edges of the heavy curtains. I spend a few seconds blinking, thinking about last night, wondering if it really happened—and then I realize there’s proof of it lying there right next to me.
Lord Arden—no,Elliot—lies in a deep slumber on the pillow next to me, his face soft and sweet in sleep. I almost reach out to touch him, wake him, go for round two—three—four?
And then I remember my mask.
It was okay to take it off last night, because he couldn’t see me in the dark.
Andbecause I was horny enough that I would have agreed to wear the back end of a donkey costume if he’d wanted to fuck me in it.
Hell, I even heard myself saying I’d consider staying another night, when the reality is, I can’t. Ican’t. And not just because of work, either. I have to go back to my real life. If I keep soaking in fantasy for too long, it’ll just be worse when Idohave to go back. Better to have a few fairy-tale hours with the man, enjoy our time for what it is, anddefinitelynot think about him as some Dom Charming come to sweep me off my feet.
My fingers are still resting on the mask where it lies on the nightstand. Members of the household staff wear these masks not just because they’re sexy and mysterious, but because they give us something to hide behind. They give us an anonymity that the Dominants—the unmasked, in this house—don’t have.
It gives us another level of protection in the real world, along with all the NDAs.
I don’t think I want to throw away those protections just yet. I’ve always kept my work life and my personal life completely separate, not because I’m ashamed or because I’m worried about blackmail material. But I don’t need Magda knowing what I get up to on my days off. People outside the kink scene—or eveninthe kink scene, sometimes—find out you’re a sub, and their expectations…shift.
I’m ambitious. I want to havemorecontrol at work, not less.
So in light ofallthat, I pick up the mask and put it back on my face, trying not to shift the bed too much. Elliot still hasn’t stirred. His usually-pale face is flushed from the warmth of the bed, his cheeks rosy and his lips red, maybe a little chapped. All that kissing last night, and then the way he sucked my dick while fingering me…
