I stood up abruptly. “I’m gonna take a shower.” He reached for my hand, and I let him squeeze it, but I was thankful he didn’t say anything. I kept my shit together until the groaning water tank helped cover up the sound of my sobs.
It kept kicking me in the gut, in the heart, over and over. Annie wasgone.
I’d never have the chance to make things up with her.
* * *
By the time I got out, my eyes were red and puffy, and Jack had cleared away our half-eaten cereal bowls. “You were right, I need to do better with the groceries,” he said, and then added, “now that you’re here.” I didn’t miss the side-eye glance as he said it, but I just nodded.
“It’s closer to lunchtime anyway,” I pointed out, sitting down at the table again. I took out the burner phone, still switched off, and looked at it. “I should call Nate,” I sighed.
“If you want to,” Jack said, even though I knew he thought I should call Nate, too. “Guy’s worried about you,” he offered.
“Yeah.” I sounded unenthused even to my own ears.
“Tell you what,” Jack said, picking up his car keys, “I’ll go get us some lunch, give you some privacy to call, eh?”
I was grateful for the offer. I wasn’t sure how I’d react to hearing Nate’s voice, and I couldn’t take another crying jag. I was too fucking worn out as it was. “Thanks, JJ,” was all I said. He paused at the door, and then came back to me, leaning down to plant a kiss on top of my head. I turned in the chair to throw my arms around him and for a second he stood stock still, but then he hugged me back. I mashed the side of my face into his solar plexus, feeling his breath go in and out.
“I’ll be right back,” he said gently. “Or I can stay, if you—”
“No,” I sniffled, pulling back to look up at him. “You’re right. I’d like a little, uh. Time alone. And then I’ll call Nate, I guess. Can you get me—”
“A Fiesta salad from Cali Corn Grill?”
I smiled. “You know me too well, JJ.”
He cupped my face, his thumb running just under the cut on my cheek. “Keep the gun close while I’m gone. Will an hour be long enough?”
“It’ll seem waytoolong,” I said. “But yeah. That’ll cover it.”
I waited a few minutes after Jack left to turn the phone on, and then let it go through the bleeping and buzzing of another hundred texts forwarded, several missed calls, and one voice message. That was what I checked first, on the odd chance my father had been trying to contact me.
The message was from an unfamiliar number, but the second I heard the voice speaking, I sat straight up in the chair.
“Hi, Miller,” the voice said. “It’s Emma Dempsey calling. I’m so sorry and sad to hear about Annie, and I…I know we haven’t talked for a long time, but…” There was a long pause. “I’m sorry if this is inappropriate. But the thing is, after Annie’s death was confirmed, all her socials, uh… My PR team was notified that they’ve been passed on to me. I think she must have put me down as her digital executor years back and, well, forgot to change it. But as you can imagine, all the social media companies are eager to have someone take responsibility for her accounts, so please give me a call when you can. I’ll wait to hear what you’d like to do with them, but I do think you should have them, and I’d like to hand them over. And again, Miller—I’msosorry.”
Emma’s normally bubbly, husky voice, the voice that, combined with a very slight, endearing lisp, had made her a megastar in romantic comedies, sounded hoarse and strained.
She’d been crying. Because of Annie?
There was one way to find out. I hit redial. When it didn’t instantly go to voice mail, I took a deep, centering breath, and waited hopefully.
It connected. “Hello?” She sounded uncertain.
“Hi, Emma.”
There was a brief pause and then she said breathlessly, “Oh, my God.Miller. How are you? Oh God,terrible, obviously, I’m so sorry—” She sounded embarrassed.
“It’s okay, Em,” I said, dropping back immediately into the old nickname. Emma Dempsey had a quality about her that made her seem like she was your best friend, even when you didn’t know her personally. It was one of the attributes that had shot her into the stratosphere of celebrity stardom.
“I’msoglad you called back,” she said warmly. Sincerely. My heart broke a little just hearing such a genuine reaction. “Um, do you mind if I switch to video call?”
I didn’t, and so we did. It was strange seeing her face after so long, so familiar to me both from real life, but also from seeing her on movie posters, on the sides of buses, on magazine covers and on every internet celebrity site. Her hair was a pale blonde, these days. It suited her. “Hey, Em,” I said, and gave a crooked smile.
She teared up even though she smiled as well. “Hey, you. Wow, I’ve missed you. How are you holding up?”
“I’m surviving. And I’m really glad you reached out.” I had to clear my throat before I went on. “Thanks, Em.”
