“Maybe you should.” He pulled his hands away and left the room. I stood there, open-mouthed in the bathroom, staring after him.
“What isthatsupposed to mean?” I demanded, coming out into the main apartment.
He rubbed his hands through his hair in agitation. “This isn’t a game, Miller. My contact also told me this guy they’ve pinned for the murder, he’s a lowlife, but he’s no killer. Someone had enough influence tomakehim the killer, though. Someone had enough influence to set him up. That screams Mob to me.”
“Then we’ll find out if this Gino Bernardi—”
He turned on me. “Don’t youget it?It doesn’t matter which Family did this, becauseI’mjust like them.”
I stopped dead, the breath rushing out of me. “You aren’t like them,” I said at last. “You aren’t.”
“What in the hell do you think Iam, kid?”
“You’re someone who helps people. Especially when they can’t help themselves.”
“I’m aCastellani. And I’m no fucking use to anyone.”
I shook my head, getting more vehement as I went on. “I’veseenyou—I saw you, that first night we talked at the Beartrap, you helped get rid of some guys for the bartender, and you did itsmart. You didn’t use your fists to do it. And you know what? People always relax a little when you arrive at the Beartrap, because theyknowyou’ll keep things safe for them. I’m not stupid—I know you’re a Castellani—but—”
“I help because I getpaidto help,” I snarled. “And I wasn’t always in protections, either. You want to know what I did before I got kicked back down to grunt status? I was ahitman, Miller. I killed people for no other reason than I had orders to kill them. And I wasgood at my job.”
My cheekbone throbbed and ached as we glared at each other across the tiny room.
I’d known, deep down, that he was a killer. But it shocked me to hear him admit it so openly.
Still, I knew he wasmorethan that, too.
CHAPTER39
JACK
I couldn’t lookat Miller. Part of me hoped he’d heel-turn, get out while he could, leave me to the sordid life I’d chosen long ago, chosen at fifteen when I went after my father’s killer. But I heard no retreating footsteps, no slamming doors.
“JJ. Look at me.”
I couldn’tnot. Not when he sounded like that.
“You’ve helpedme,” he said.
“Because I was under orders. Because I saw a chance to get back to the top, and I took it.” But all the fight had gone out of my voice.
“No,” he said gently. “Because you couldseeI needed help. Maybe sometimes you’re a little misguided, but your heart’s in the right place.” He sat down on the bed and patted the spot next to him, acting calm, but his voice, the slight tremble, gave him away. “Maybe you just need some sleep, JJ. Things always look different in the light of day.”
I sat with him on the bed, slumped over a little, staring at my feet. He put his hand in mine. My fingers stayed slack for a moment. I fought not to hold on, to let him go, to turn on him if I had to—shove him out the door. But my heart wasn’t in the thought. My hand tightened on his, my thumb stroking across his skin.
“When this is over,” he said, “we should have that talk. We should…see where we’d like to take things.”
I shook my head firmly. “Listen to me, Trouble. There’s no use pretending we can do anything. Ever.”
“Iknowyou don’t want to put a target on me, but—”
I turned and caught his face in my hands, running the pad of my thumb over those soft, lovely lips. “It’s not just that. I’ve got an expiration date on me, Trouble. In the end, only one of two things will happen. Either Sandro Castellani will put me in the ground, or I’ll puthimthere—and if it’s the latter, then the rest of the Family will come after me. That’s why wecan’tget involved.”
“There’s another option. You said it yourself. We couldleave. Get out of LA. Hell, we could leave tonight. Right now.”
I groaned. “God, you…you’re sweet and talented and worthsomuch more than I have to offer. And you can’t sit there looking at me like that,temptingme. It’s not fair.”
“Life’s not fair,” he said recklessly, pushing me down on the bed and climbing on top of me. “Fuck your Family. Fuck mine, too. And fuck this city most of all. Let’s get out of it.”
