I let him trail into silence. “If I’m supposed to jump in and say ‘forget about it,’ you can forget aboutthat,” I told him. “Goddamn, this is why I don’t fuck with closeted guys. I’m not interested in creeping around, acting like I don’t exist. I’ve had more than enough of that in my life.” I glared into my coffee.
A beat passed, and then he said quietly, “I’m not closeted. But in my line of work…” I glanced up, saw him shrug. “I don’t like the idea of putting a target on someone. I don’t like the idea of putting a target onyou.” He reached across the table and took my hand.
My heart, which had been growing stony, suddenly melted. “Well, last night was amazing, and I still like you in the cold light of day. So suck on that.” His eyes got wider and wider as he took it in, but he said nothing. I rushed to fill in the silence. “Can’t you justadmityou enjoyed it, instead of flipping the asshole switch after every time we get intimate?”
“Of course I enjoyed it,” he said, giving a crooked smile. “Who wouldn’t enjoy a night like that? But I don’t want to take advantage of your, uh. Your emotional state.”
“Do Iseemlike I’m in a fucking emotional state?” I snapped, yanking my hand out of his. His nose twitched with amusement, and I slumped in the chair. “Okay. Point.”
He pushed his dry cereal away. “Look, for what it’s worth, I…like you too. But we need to focus on finding your sister.”
Maybe he was right, and I was just under emotional pressure. I couldn’t deny that thinking about where Annie was, what had happened to her, made me scared.
Thinking about Jack made me feel warm andsafe. Physically, like last night, when he’d come around and “saved” me from Nate’s boyfriend’s porn star guests.
But safe emotionally, too, in a way I’d never felt before. Maybe after Annie was found—alive and unharmed and sarcastically bitching about us ruining her publicity stunt or her private vacation or whatever the hell she was doing—we could explore that emotional stuff in more detail.
“One of my contacts is triangulating where your sister’s cell phone pinged last,” Jack went on. His morning voice was even huskier than usual. “He’s still pinpointing, but he did tell me it was up in the Hills. So I’m wondering if she was either leaving or heading toward your place.”
“None of the staff mentioned seeing her,” I mused. “They would have said something.”
He turned the laptop towards me. “Check your email. See if that video came through from the security firm.”
“I’ll just use my phone,” I said, casting about for where I’d left it.
“No. If the video’s come through, I want to download it on here.” He nodded at his laptop. “And I don’t want you using your phone again until I get you a burner.” My mouth opened in protest but he held up a hand. “Remember when I said you could help out as long as you did what I told you?”
I made a face at him, but then I thought about what he’d just said about his contact tracing my sister’s cell phone,andabout not wanting to put a target on my back. “Fine,” I sighed. I pulled his laptop over, opened up a browser, and logged into my email. I was worried I’d have to scroll carefully through a whole bunch of pointless emails, but it was right at the top. “It’s here! They sent it.”
“Download it into the file I have on your sister—it’s on the desktop, under her name.” Jack picked up his dish and my coffee cup, and took them to the sink.
“Uh…yeah, okay…”
“Can you hurry it up?” he asked. He was standing behind me now, watching over my shoulder. “I need to get to work.”
“I’m going as fast as I can,” I muttered, scanning the scores of folders listed on his desktop. His impatience was making things worse.
“Listen, kid—”
“I can'tseeit!” It burst out of me, defensive and angry.
“It’s rightthere—” He poked at the screen. “You need glasses or something?”
“No, I mean I can’t—I can’tprocessit. Not so fast, and not when you’re standing over me like that and—” I broke off. He’d awoken every memory of my angry father standing over my shoulder, stabbing his finger down on a script I hadn’t read as fast as Annie, shouting about how lazy I was. Lazy and stupid anduseless.
Jack stood there for another moment, and then he sat next to me again, leaning his elbow on the table as he turned to look at me closely. “What do you mean?”
I stared at the screen, my cheeks hot. I hated admitting this shit toanyone, but especially Jack for some reason. “I’m notstupid,” I snapped. “I just have trouble sometimes, that’s all. My phone is set up to…help me out.”
“Okay. Sorry. I didn’t realize.”
“I’mnotstupid,” I said again, still glaring at the laptop. I couldn’t take judgment right then.
Not from him.
But then I felt his hand on my thigh, a slide and a squeeze.
“I don’t think you’re stupid. At all. Actually, I think you’re…” I looked over at him, but he was already rethinking whatever he’d been about to say. “Sorry I was an asshole about it. Uh, so that’s the folder, there.” He pointed, and I double-clicked into it, and started downloading the file.
