Luca needs all my worrying power.
* * *
I’m woken laterby two familiar voices arguing in the hallway, their voices echoing down the hallway. They build and build until they’re loud enough that I stomp over to the door, yank it open, and glare out at Teo Vitali and Nick Fontana.
“Shut the fuck up,” I tell them in a fierce whisper, closing the door behind me. “I don’t want Luca hearing whatever shit you’re arguing about. He’ll just get pissed that he can’t get up and knock your heads together himself.”
“Sorry, Mr. D,” Teo says at once.
“Sorry,” Nick says after a glance down at his feet. “We didn’t know—Ididn’t know you could hear us.”
I prop my hip up against the wall, cross my arms and lift my chin. “What’s the problem?”
The two of them glance at each other, uneasy.
“Come on, you might as well tell me,” I sigh, when neither is forthcoming. “It’ll take my mind off Luca for a second.” It won’t, but I also feel slightly better standing here than I did dozing in the chair next to him. For the last hours—days—whatever—I’ve only been able to stare at Luca, sleep, or watch hospital staff do various things to his inert body. A little light conversation about Mob business might give me a break.
“Vitali’s blaming himself,” Nick says at last.
“Shutup,” Teo growls.
“For what?” I ask.
“For this whole…” Nick waves his hand around.
I stare at Teo. “Seriously? That’s what all the racket was about?”
Teo shifts on his feet, his hands deep in his pockets, and sends Nick a glare from the side of his eyes. “I just wanted to see if…if maybe someone else should take over security. Since I’m not—I’m not doing a great job.”
“AndI’vebeen explaining to Vitali here,” Nick snarls, but then drops to a mutter at my scowl, “that he’d just be fucking up further if he quit doing the job the Bosstoldhim to do.”
“What the hell?” I sigh. “Teo, you can’t just…quit. I mean, literally, right? Once you’re in the Family, you’re, you know.Inthe Family. For life.” These last few days have been surreal. Now I’m standing here giving career advice to a mobster. “And like Nick said, Luca wantsyoudoing it.”
“Besides, there’s no one else,” Nick adds.
“Oh, is that it?” Teo fires back. “Having a shitty security guy is better than havingnosecurity guy?”
“Quiet,” I hiss.
“Listen, if anyone’s to blame, it’sme,” Nick insists, keeping his voice down this time. “If I hadn’t been sneaking around with Bianchi and making the Boss neurotic—”
“It’s not your fault,” I tell him. I really wish it was, because then I could be angry at someone who’s not myself.
“Mr. D, it wasmyjob to make sure you and the Boss were safe—” Teo starts, but I shake my head.
“It wasn’t you, Teo. You know that.” We look at each other, and I put a hand on his arm, put out my other for Nick to take. “It wasn’t your fault either, Nick. Not the first cause, anyway. It was me.I’mthe one to blame for all of this.”
Teo does a double take.
“What are you talking about?” Nick asks.
“I’m talking about the fact that if it weren’t for me, if it weren’t for everything I’ve done—everything Iam—thenhewouldn’t be lying there in that bed.”
“That’s not—” Teo begins, but I cut him off by holding up a hand.
“Listen, I need to go back in.” I’m weary again and I want to sleep, or at least lay my head down on Luca’s bed, hold his hand, and doze. “You guys, I need you to go deal with all that Family shit. Do it for Luca, okay? Keep it together for him.”
I back into the room and shut the door on them before they can say anything else.
