I’m beginning to see the more vulnerable side to him. The whole time we’ve been involved he’s always presented as über-competent, very committed to the Family, and without any kind of conscience outside of his qualms about disloyalty to Luca D’Amato. The fact is, Nick Fontana is a very dangerous man, and there’s a lot of darkness in him. For that reason I decided early on during our liaisons that I would never get emotionally involved, even if my dick was determined to get physically involved.
But I think I might have fucked that up.
Out on the deck we sit at the bistro-style table and chairs, looking over the short run of grass waving in the warm breeze, beyond the chain boundary and the drop of the bluffs to the serene ocean beyond. In this light, Nicky’s face is soft as he looks up at the sky. The moon is only three-quarters full but still lighting up the ocean beneath. He holds his wineglass awkwardly, his fingers almost too big for the delicate stem. The sight of that graceless grip sparks tenderness in me.
“What do we do tomorrow, if this guy isn’t there again?” I ask, because if I don’t talk work, I’m going to say something I shouldn’t.
“We’ll figure something out,” he sighs, looking away from the moon and back to me, and he seems slightly dazzled. Must be staring so long at the light.
I cast around desperately for something else to say. “I’m sorry I didn’t remember,” I say in a rush.
“Remember what?”
“That first time we met. I mean, I remember it now. But I’m sorry I didn’t…before.”
He gives a twisted smile against the rim of the glass and takes another mouthful before he replies. “No reason you should’ve remembered.”
Yes, there is, I want to insist, but I’m getting too close to things I can’t say.Shouldn’tsay. But my mouth won’t stop. “The thing is, Nicky, I’ve known your name for a long time. But I don’t think I’ve really knownwhoyou are until recently. That very first time we met when you were in prison—and more recently, too—I’ve made some assumptions about you. But I don’t think they were fair.”
He leans away in the chair. “I’m a career criminal, Harvard, and you can’t forget that. You need to keep out of the business, like your father wants.”
“Fuck my father. For all I know, heisthe one who’s after me. It’s not entirely off-brand for him to get so mad that he tries to kill me.” We both grin, although the joke isn’t that funny. “I just don’t think he’d hire someone from another Family to do it, because, well—he has his rules.”
Nick nods, sips more wine. “You know, it’s not exactly off-brand formeto go kill someone on a whim, either. Look at Gatti.”
“Listen,” I say, leaning forward to grab his hand. “There were very few men at Villa Alessi that night who would have put themselves on the line to savemyass. And even those others, I think they would’ve hesitated, just a few seconds at least, to think about the consequences. But not you.”
He looks down at my hand on his. “No one ever accused me of being a genius. I acted on instinct, Harvard. That’s all.”
“But that’s what I’msaying, Nicky. Most guys? Their instinct would’ve been to walk the fuck away. Why didn’t you?”
His eyes are fixed on the tiled top of the little table and he’s quiet so long I think he’s refusing to answer. But then he looks up at me. “I could never let anyone hurt you, Carlo.”
“Because of how important I am to the Family?”
“No.” He puts his empty glass down and stands, moves the two steps it takes to be right next to me. I crane my neck looking up at him. He might as well be one of those heavenly bodies up there in the night sky, his face is so far above me.
“Then…why?” I ask, my voice barely a whisper.
He takes my wineglass from me, puts it on the table, and his hand comes to rest on my cheek. “Because of how important you are tome.”
He leans in from a height, a God descending from Olympus, but his lips on mine are gentle as the summer breeze shifting through the grass in the yard. It’s a long, soft kiss, unlike any he’s given me before, and there are things behind it that we’ve never said outright, but that somewhere in me, I’ve always known.
I can’t care anymore about how fucked we are. All my focus is filled up withhim, and the constant chatter that goes on in my head is finally quiet now as I marvel at how gentle and supple his lips are, how they’re saying a thousand things without saying a word at all.
How did we get here?
Chapter Thirty-Nine
Nick
Iwant to kiss this man forever, but I also want to be closer to him, so much closer, so I break off our kiss eventually. I don’t have to say anything to him; he rises from his chair and I take his hand and lead him upstairs to the bedroom.
I open the balcony doors wide to let in the warm night air. The silver sea twinkles as bright as the stars tonight, but all that natural glory pales in comparison to the sight of Carlo Bianchi undressing for me in the soft moonlight filling the room. When he’s done, he beckons me over and then he strips me too, slowly, deliberately, kissing me as he does it. I let him do whatever he wants. I’ll let him dowhateverhe wants tonight and from now on, until I’m in my grave.
I’ve never felt this strange mix of desire and joy and anxiety all mixed up together, my heart pounding so hard it’s shaking my chest. I pull Carlo into my arms and hug him, hard.
“You okay, Nicky?”
