He was telling the truth, I decided. “Then we should…keep doing that.”
“Your parents,” he began, and then he got a strange, half-embarrassed, half-cringing expression. “Seriously, A. They’re likeright there.”
I shook off my doubts. “You’re telling me they’re giving you performance anxiety?” I grinned at my own daring, as Teo gave me a mock-shocked look.
“Listen to you, joking around about sex.No, they won’t give me performance anxiety,” he snorted, “but when the Boss and Mr. D were still here, I heard them bouncing on the bed or—or something—”
“Or something,” I snickered.
“—when I was under their room once. And so I just think we should keep it down. I couldn’t look your mom in the face if I’d thought she heard, well.Youknow. Plus your dad is seriously suspicious about me.”
Both ideas sobered me up. “I don’t want you to feel like you should be ashamed of anything. And as for Dad, it’s none of his business what work you do.”
“That ain’t true. He’s looking out for you, making sure you’re okay. He really loves you, you know that?”
Teo was so intense it took me aback. “Yeah, I know,” I replied with a shrug. “But that doesn’t give him the right to interrogate you. Plus we’re not—” I broke off there. It was getting too close to something Teo and I had mastered skirting around: the nature of our relationship.
He seemed to sense it, too, because he changed the subject abruptly. “How’d you go today with your priest bro?”
I gave a wry smile. “Let’s get to bed; I’ll tell you all about it.”
* * *
The truth was,I was still confused about it all. I could see that my faith and my sexuality intersected; I just couldn’t find a way to make the pieces fit together neatly. Not yet. But sliding into bed with Teo made me feel like I was getting a glimpse at the picture all those puzzle pieces were supposed to make in the end.
“I know God wants to work through me,” I said, when Teo asked again. We were both lying on our backs, looking up at the canopy overhead in the darkness. “But that’s all I’m sure of right now.”
“If it helps any, God’s already working through you,” Teo said after a moment of silence. “You do all that stuff at Our Lady, and you’re a real friend to Mr. D, and…well, you just do a lot of good shit in the world.” He sounded melancholy, though, and I wriggled my hand under the sheets to find his, take it, and squeeze it.
“There’s one other thing I think I know now, after thinking about the conversation Father Mike and I had.”
“What’s that?”
“Sex and sexual pleasure are important facets of the human experience. And so I’m glad you’ve given me the chance to participate in it. In fact…I’d like to, uh, participate again right now, if you…if you want to.” I was still shy about asking, but Teo squeezed my hand back and chuckled.
“I always want to, A. You drive a man insane, you know that? With those big blue eyes and the way you smile at me like…”
“Like what?” I asked, curious.
“Like maybe I’m worth something after all.”
I turned onto my side and pulled my hand from his, only to slide my arm across his chest. “Of course you are. Teo, you’re—you’re amazing. Don’t you know that?”
“You think?” He turned on his side, too, capturing my hand so he could bring it to his mouth and kiss my fingers, each of them in turn.
“I do.”
“Mm. Then show me,” he said, and tugged me close, his fingers sliding down to tug at my nipple. “But—show me quietly,” he added wryly, and I gave a soft laugh.
I’m going to miss this.
The thought came almost unbidden, as though it were not my own. But of course it was mine. Pretending that it wasn’t, pretending Iwouldn’tmiss Teo and the feelings his hands pulled out of me, the way he touched my heart when he touched my body—would only be a lie.
“You want anything special, baby?” he whispered in my ear.
“Let’s do it like last night, please,” I whispered back. I’d ached a little today when I sat down for too long, but it was an ache I’d enjoyed. “Except, um, face down this time?”
I felt Teo’s cock, already getting heavy, jump against my thigh at that suggestion. He liked it.
