Isank deep into Aidan, and it felt like it was deeper than I’d been in anyone else, because I couldn’t look away from him, his eyes staring into mine as he took me inside. And then I had to stop, hold dead still, or I was going to burst then and there and humiliate myself and make his first time a total disappointment.
“I’m okay,” he said after a second. When I said nothing, he kept babbling. “You always ask me like that, ‘You okay?’ I’m okay.”
“Okay.”
“So you can…keep going.”
I lowered my head slowly to his shoulder and breathed him in, trying not to laugh. Maybe cry. I was churning up inside and I didn’t know what to do with all thosefeelings. “I will,” I promised, my voice unsteady. “I just need…a second.” I bit the inside of my cheek as he wriggled under me, his ass clenching hard and hot around me. There was all the emotional stuff and then there was the physical sensation of him, the warm wet burrow of his asshole, his skin pressed against mine, his cock drooling between our pressed-together bodies—
I drew in a deep breath, let the scent of him fill me up, something sharp and sterile—soap, that cheap-ass stuff I’d seen in the bathroom, and his hair smelled the same. The idea of him washing his hair with that soap made me tender. I didn’t know why.
I kissed his neck and started moving in him, slow so he could get used to it. It might not have hurt, like he said, but that was a low bar; I wanted to make him feelgood. He gasped and tilted his hips further up for me, his legs wrapping tighter around me, and I let him control the pace, even though every instinct I had was telling me to drive into him hard, fast, mark him inside and claim my territory. And after a few minutes he picked up speed enough that I took the hint and began to really fuck him, make him feel it, made sure my cockhead dragged over the most sensitive part of him over and over again until he choked out my name.
I passed through that initial hair-trigger and got to that point where I felt like I could fuck him forever, keep him there below me making those noises for the rest of eternity, a little heaven of our own making. But then his legs moved higher as he angled his hips up and up, and my need came back strong. I thrust fast and shallow, my sweat dripping on him, splashing his face. He licked his lips to taste it and it was the hottest thing I’d ever seen. I crashed my mouth onto his and gasped out his name as I filled him, jet after jet shooting out of me. I’d never come that hard before, never so deep, and afterward I stayed hard, still inside him as I stroked him to his own orgasm, spread his mess all over me so I’d stink of him tomorrow.
* * *
I was wokenby the sound of the shower in the attached bathroom, and I stayed in bed watching the door until Aidan came out of it, fully dressed, his hair neatly combed. The smell of his soap wafted over to me and I got hard again, aching.
“Good morning,” he said politely, and while he didn’t avoid my gaze, he didn’t exactly stand there staring at me with little love hearts in his eyes.
“You want to discuss last night?” I asked. I was still tired, but I dragged myself up to sit.
Aidan shook his head quickly and gave a tightlipped smile. “I’m not freaking out, if that’s what you think. I just need some time to think it over.”
I got out of the bed and went to him just as I was, naked and covered in his dry cum, and took his hands in mine. “I can’t have you feeling guilty every time we do something together. It’s not healthy for you, and…“ I looked down, but it had to be said. “And it doesn’t make me feel good when you act like this is some terrible thing we’ve done.”
Aidan gave me a tearful look. “I’m conflicted, Teo. That’s all.” When I dropped his hands, he grabbed me back. “I promise you, I don’t think what we’ve done is wrong. That’swhyI’m struggling. It felt…right. Not just good, butright.” He shook his head, frustrated, his face screwing up as he tried to find the words. “I didn’t know it would be like that.” He let go of my arm and his hands fluttered in the air like aimless butterflies. “I didn’t know itcouldbe.”
I cleared my throat. “Okay.”
“In fact,” he said, trying for a smile, “I’d like to go back to see Father Mike at Catholic Pride today, if you think it’s okay to go and you’re happy to take me. If you think it’s too dangerous—“
“No, we’ll work something out,” I told him quickly. I liked the idea of him going back to that place. Maybe it was selfish of me, maybe it was downright sinful, because there was a part of me that hoped this Father Mike would talk some sense into him. But I tried to tell myself it was only because I wanted Aidan to feel at peace with his sexuality before he took his vows.
It had nothing to do with what I might be feeling for him.
“Thank you, Teo. I’ll go up to the attic and pray now, before breakfast.” He walked away from me to the bedroom door.
Maybe wasn’t fair, but I had to tell him anyway. “Just so you know, Aidan…” He paused in the doorway, his face only half-turned to me. “Itisn’tlike that, not most of the time. Not for me. Not until you.”
He turned away, but not before I saw him bite his lip, and after he shut the door behind him I said my own silent prayer to Saint Jude.
* * *
While Aidan wasin the attic, I went to secure a car that we could use. The door to the guard post was answered by my new buddy, O’Hara.
“What’s up?” he said with a grin. He gave me an appreciative up and down, which took me aback. “Heard your Boss and mine are looking to work together more closely. Maybe we’ll get to spend some more time together.”
“It’s good to have friends,” I agreed, with emphasis on the last word. “I need a car.” The Boss and Carlucci had each driven one of the Morelli town cars back to New York, after we all agreed they were too obvious.
“What, you’re not even going to take me out to dinner first?” He gave a lazy grin, and then shrugged. “Okay, okay, I get the message. You’re not interested. That’s all you had to say. Come on in and let’s talk about it.”
Once we were past that initial awkwardness, O’Hara seemed to completely forget about it as we got down to business. I figured life in the Donovans wasn’t quite the same as life in the Morellis. At least in our crews you had a higher-than-average chance that the guy fighting beside you was queer or questioning. Not so much in the Donovans, so I was willing to forgive a little harmless flirtation on O’Hara’s end.
As long as itstayedharmless flirtation.
I negotiated a vehicle, although I had to agree to take an Irish escort as well, and by the time I got back to Aidan, he was ready to go. We ate a quick breakfast and then went down to the car.
