“That’s way down the list. Including underneath whatyouwant.”
If anything, Teo’s eyes got darker. “WhatIwant? I want to keep you alive. Speaking of which, you still want to go visit your folks today?”
He was changing the subject. That was fine by me. “Sure I do. They’re expecting us, and I told my Mom that you were coming too. So, just to warn you, she might ask a lot of questions. It’s not that she’s nosy…”
Teo chuckled. “Guess she wants to make sure her precious son is only hanging around the best kind of people.”
“Something like that.”
“I better get ready. I want to make sure we got enough time to shake off any tails.”
“Tails?” I echoed, bewildered.
“People following us.”
My heart sank. “You really think there’s danger here in Boston?“
“I learned from the best, and the best is always prepared. I try to think of the worst-case scenario and then think about what I can do to mitigate that.”
I didn’t want to ask what he saw as the worst-case scenario for me. So I tucked his hair behind his ear again while I thought that over. His eyes had begun to lighten a little, not so black anymore. “I don’t like the idea of you putting yourself in danger for me.”
“Oh, no, you don’t,” Teo said, putting a finger over my lips. “We agreed this would only work if you let me do my job. Everything else is just gravy, right?”
I nodded, but I couldn’t really agree. I didn’t like the idea of anyone laying down their life for me. Well, except the Son of God. And Teo was certainly not that.
“What are you thinking?”
“Nothing,” I said, wiping the smirk off my face. “Are you going to take a shower?”
“I’m getting a little addicted to that tub,” he admitted.
“You deserve to relax,” I said, and gave his chest a playful little push. It was firm and warm under my fingers, and I let them linger there longer than I probably should. But, I reminded myself, Teo had agreed. Hadencouragedme to experiment. So that I’d have a warm memory to cling to on those cold mornings and long nights when I was all alone, except for God.
“You gonna go say your prayers?”
I caught my breath. Yes, I wanted to pray. But would God even hear me if I planned to keep sinning? I wrestled with the thought long enough that Teo’s hand reached around me to rub my back. “You’re worrying again.”
“I…am.”
“Aidan,” he began, and then paused, his hand in the small of my back. It felt comforting until he continued. “If what we’re doing is just gonna make you feel bad—”
“It doesn’t.” The problem, in fact, was that itdidn’tmake me feel bad. I felt happier than I had in a very long time when I was lying close to Teo in bed.
He propped himself up on one elbow and looked into my face for a long moment. “Okay, then,” he said at last, slowly, without conviction. He leaned in to kiss my forehead. “Okay,” he said again, and he sounded so gentle and caring that I wanted to pull him back, keep him in bed with me longer.
Instead, I watched his butt as he walked away, remembering what it had felt like last night under my hands as we writhed together. I wondered if I dared ask him to go further than we had already. If this was supposed to be my goodbye-to-the-world week, shouldn’t I experience at least once what it felt like to…
I let out a nervous giggle. No. No way.
That woulddefinitelybe going too far.
* * *
I went upto the attic to pray. Róisín had already been there, judging by the scent of incense. The words of the rosary came as easily to me as they had every other morning. When I prayed for those around me, all I said about Teo was,Please help me understand.
I didn’t even know what I meant by it.
Teo was nowhere to be found when I went downstairs to shower, but he had told me he would be speaking to the Donovan guards about our visit to my parents. Tara was once again reading outside in the garden. I wandered out and gave her a warm smile.
