The bedside light came on, and I saw Teo sitting up in bed, shirtless, his gun in his hand, though his arm was relaxed on the bed. He put the safety back on as I watched, and I realized the click I’d heard had been him taking it off.
“You sleep with your gun?”
“I sleep with whoever’ll have me,” he said, grinning, and then he stopped and said, “Uh, sorry. Dumb thing to say.”
I walked closer. “Is it true?”
“Is what true?”
“That you…what you just said?”
His hair was loose, and my fingers twitched as I thought about running my hands through it. He blinked at me. “No. I was kidding.” I came closer as he rubbed a fist in his eye. “Do you need me to check under your bed or something?”
I paused, halfway between the door and the bed. I wasn’t sure why I was even there. I had a million questions running around in my head, and it wasn’t as though Teo could answer a single one of them. But something in me felt like maybe he could.
Still, I didn’t want Teo to feel like I was using him as a crutch. Even if, technically, Iwas. “No,” I said. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to disturb you, I’ll—”
“I was kidding,” he said. “Again. I guess I can scratch ‘Stand-Up Comedian’ off my list of career choices, huh?” He chuckled.
I did, too, only it came out more like a nervous giggle.
“What’s keeping you up?” he asked, and he sounded so kind. “You worried about these people coming after you?”
“No. Well, yes. But…I can’t stop thinking about something Father Mike said.”
“And what’s that?”
I gave an involuntary shiver. The house wasn’tcold, exactly, but I only had a tee and thin cotton pajama pants on, plus my bare feet were on the wood floorboards.
“You cold?” Teo asked, and yawned. “You can get in here, if you like. Stay warm while we talk. Bed’s big enough for a damn family.”
He was right about that. It seemed bigger than king-size. Plus my toes were chilly. I got in the bed fast enough that I couldn’t have changed my mind even if I’d wanted, and arranged several of the multitude of pillows behind my back. Teo did the same on his side, sitting up higher, and turning toward me. He put his gun back on the nightstand and then turned off the lamp. The only light in the room came from the moonlight gleaming through the window.
“So, whatdidthis priest say that’s keeping you up at night?” Teo asked.
“He said, uh. He intimated that…”
“He gave you grief about being gay?”
“No, definitely not. The opposite, actually.” I squirmed in the bed, pulling the bedclothes higher. I prided myself on being able to discuss these sorts of things, knowing that when Ididtake my vows and started to care for my flock, I’d have to discuss many different and difficult topics.
“The opposite?” Teo said, and he sounded amused. “Your priest mentor guy, he told you to go get your rocks off before you dedicate yourself to a life of sexual deprivation?”
“What?No.” I was glad the room was dark. My face was on fire.
Teo gave a soft laugh. “Uh…is that why you came in here?”
“No,” I spluttered. “No, of course not. I just—youaskedwhy I couldn’t sleep and—”
“Calm down. I’m not gonna jump you or nothing.”
I should have felt relieved. I didn’t. I felt…
Disappointed.
“I’m just teasing,” Teo said, and the affection in his voice was new. “I’ll quit it.”
“I know you’re only teasing,” I said. “You don’t have to…quit it.” I swallowed. “Um, anyway. I guess the ordination is coming up fast and I’m starting to wonder if I might have, well. Missed out.”
