“Of course I do.”
He turned me over under him, took my chin in his fingers, and looked into my eyes. “Listen to me. We’re together, you and me, but there are things we can’t share,” he told me softly. “I donotwant you mixed up in our business.”
I pulled his hand off my chin and replied briskly, “Teo, I alreadyam. I have been since Sam Fuscone’s death, and there’s nothing anyone can do about that. All I can do now is be a force for—well, if not good, then the lesser of two evils.”
The next day I’d watched the police arrive again to arrest the redheaded giant of a man called Shanahan. He grinned through the whole march down the street to their van, even with his hands cuffed behind his back. The other Donovan men lined up on the street and gave him a round of applause as they walked, like a guard of honor.
“Shanahan’s beendyingto get back inside,” I overheard Conor telling Teo. “He’ll be happy as a clam in there. And it’s good to have a man on the inside, am I right?”
Teo, laughing, saw me watching and cut off whatever he’d been about to say in reply. “Give him our thanks,” was all he said, patting Conor on the back. “You ready, baby?”
“I’m ready.”
We were dropping my parents off before finally going back to New York, and I sat in the back with Mom on the drive to Charlestown. Dad, sitting in the front, made conversation with Teo along the way, pointing out some of the sights of Boston along the way. “Next time you come out we’ll give you the grand tour,” he said, and Teo smiled and agreed.
Mom squeezed my hand and murmured, “He’s sonice, Aidan. Andverycompetent. I’m sure you’ll feel safe with him, like I feel safe with your father.”
“I do,” I told her. Of course I did.
But I also wanted to make sure Teo could rely on me, too, and feel like I had his back. That his whole life wasn’t going to be spent protecting other people and putting himself in harm’s way. It might be his job, and I could tell he evenlovedhis job, even saw it as his vocation, but I thought he deserved more from his personal life.
And at the same time, I had to find a way to serve my own vocation, outside the comforting and familiar confines of the Church. I’d expected to feel a sense of loss, of depression and bewilderment—but so far, all I felt was excitement. I’d even spoken to Tara and Finch already about an idea I’d had, something that I hoped would benefit them personally as well as the wider community.
After we dropped my parents back home and Teo checked in with the Morelli associates assigned to watch their house, I got back into the front seat next to Teo. Tara had gifted Teo one of the Donovan Family cars as thanks for protecting her, and he was practically in love with it, kept talking about how it purred like a kitten for him.
“Should I be jealous?” I asked, as he sighed in pleasure yet again at the sound of the engine as he turned it over.
He smirked at me. “Definitely not. I’d choose your tailpipe over the car’s any day.” I laughed, although I still blushed a little when he said things like that to me. We hadn’t told Finch and Luca yet about our relationship, but I was trying to steel myself for the merciless teasing I expected when Finch found out. “You ready to get out of this city?” he asked, putting the car in gear.
“Soready,” I sighed. “Let’s blow this town.”
Chapter Forty-Five
Aidan
One Week Later
“Iam saddened andsoashamed of you, Aidan,” Father Raphael said, his eyes sorrowful. “To think you’ve become so corrupted—sotainted—”
“I’m neither.”
That stopped him dead, his mouth hanging open a little in surprise, a thin string of saliva joining his top and bottom lips. Then those lips pressed together in a pale, thin line as his face darkened.
The fallout from my non-ordination had been ongoing; it was a huge scandal within ecclesiastical circles because of the rumored connections to organized crime in Boston, not to mention an international terrorist group. But I hadn’t been called in to account for myself until now, when Father Raphael sent for me. His opening sentences showed me that he intended the session to be a severe dressing-down.
I had no interest in hearing it, though. When he took a deep breath to go on with the lecture, I held up a hand.
“Let me stop you before you tire yourself out, Father Raphael.” I stood and pulled my sweater down neatly. “I’m sorry I can’t be the Church’s queer poster boy. Perhaps if you’d seen me as more than that, things would be different now. But you know what? I don’t think they would. I’m only human, butyouwanted an ideal.Youwanted me to deny who I was. You thought that way I’dfoolpeople into believing. But that’s not who I am, and I know for sure it’s not who God is, either. And I don’t have any inclination to sit here and listen to you insulting me when I could be out there, doing good, helping people, making a difference.” I turned to leave.
“Wait.”
I walked to the door.
“Please,” he sighed, and only then did I turn to face him. “Aidan, youarestill an employee of the Church, and of Our Lady of Mercy in particular.”
That was news to me, although I hadn’t received any advice to the contrary. “I assumed…”
“Yes. Well. Mrs. Murphy and the ladies of the Ladies’ Committee, along with others in the congregation, have submitted a petition to have you stay on in your current role.”
