I stood up, and he pulled me in for a tight hug for a moment before he spoke.
“It’s going to be okay, I’ve got you,” he said, then he climbed out the window and was gone as the sound of the last train car faded into the night.
22
For the entire next week, I floated around school and town like a living ghost. I went through the motions of going to class, giving my all in field hockey practice, and returning home at a reasonable time; however, I refused to eat dinner with my lying family, and my Mom didn’t push me to comply. She left a fixed plate of food in the refrigerator each evening for me to heat up after practice so that I could eat it in my room alone.
Mom stopped hassling me about my grades and whether I was getting my homework done, for fear of my lashing out. I think she was learning to let go of the mask she had been wearing my whole life. She didn’t have to pretend anymore. I knew the truth, but now she had to pay the emotionally distant consequences of keeping this secret from me. I wasn’t handling it well.
Chris was my only constant. He knew when I needed to talk, he knew when I needed to be held, and he knew when I needed to be alone. Isabelle was my only true friend. She kept calling to hang out, and even though she knew there was something going on with me, she never pried. I was able to push through the pain of my family’s betrayal in order to keep spending time with her, which helped. Spending time at her farm with her family was therapeutic.
Our next biggest mid-season field hockey game was coming up, and I needed to stay focused. That afternoon at practice, I tried my best to keep the team together, calling plays but making occasional mistakes on the field. At the end of practice, Coach DeLaney pulled me aside to check in.
“Allie, how are you doing? Everything okay? You seem checked out,” she said.
She seemed genuinely concerned, similar to last time, but unlike last time, I wasn’t distracted by a tall, tan boy with the dark waves of hair that made my heart pound. This time, that boy made me calm. Thinking about him brought me back to my center. Now, I was just numb.
“Yes, Coach, I’m good, I’ll be ready,” I said. I tried my best to mean it, and I could tell that she bought it. She smiled and nodded, then patted me on the shoulder as I headed back to the locker room.
As soon as I walked through the locker room doors, Isabelle came skipping towards me.
“Allie! You’re never going to believe it! Watson asked me to go to Homecoming! I guess that means we can go together, the four of us. How fun! Should we rent a limo and go out to dinner before?” she asked, rapid fire with a look of elation.
“That’s so great! I’m really happy for you,” I said, with forced enthusiasm. I really was happy for her, but I was having a hard time feeling much of anything. “Sure, let’s get a limo, that sounds fun. Maybe we could do Hibachi?” I suggested with as much emotion as I could muster.
“Yes! Love hibachi. I’ll tell Watson,” she said, and then she twirled away, clearly on cloud nine.
Everyone bustled around the locker room after practice, chatting and cutting up with one another as they got ready to go home. As they buzzed around me, all I could do was wonder which one of them knew my secret, and I wished I could just be alone. I sat there on the bench in the back corner by my locker until I was the last one in the room.
Once the locker room door closed behind my last teammate, I stripped down, wrapped a towel around myself, and then grabbed my caddy and headed for the shower. I cut the shower on and closed my eyes as the warm water soaked my hair and ran down my body, and I wondered if I could roll back the clock to the time before I knew the truth, would I? The relationship with my sister had deteriorated beyond repair. Could I ever fix it? Right now, all I could do was try to keep myself from falling apart completely.
The last of the shampoo in the bottle spurted into my hand, and I massaged it into my scalp slowly, pressing firmly, sending tingles down my spine. I watched in a daze as the suds washed out of my hair and disappeared down the drain. Just then, I heard the door to the locker room open and then close. I listened but didn’t hear anything, so I started to get nervous, and I stuck my head out of the shower.
“Hello?” I asked loudly. “Is someone there?”
Footsteps got closer, and I started to panic. Then they came around the corner, and I saw their face. It was Chris. Before he could say a word, I grabbed him by the collar of his soccer jersey and pulled him fully clothed into the shower with me. He pushed me up against the shower wall and smashed his lips to mine, then pulled away and feasted his eyes upon my wet, naked body that glistened among the steam swirling around the shower stall.
“I’ve been looking for you,” he said, as the water beat down onto his hair that was now falling into his eyes. I reached up to move it, and he grabbed my wrist and pushed it up against the shower wall. “Don’t start something we can’t finish, baby,” he said, as water dribbled from his lips.
“Please, finish me,” I begged, weak at his touch, and his eyes went wide with desire. He reached for the knob to turn the temperature of the water higher, and his lips found my neck to bathe me in kisses. His hand wasted no time finding the outside of my thigh, and then he lifted my leg to wrap it around his waist. Without hesitating, I picked up my other leg so both were wrapped around him. Now completely off the ground, with one hand still restrained against the wall, I felt more powerless than ever. I pulled my lips away from his mouth for a moment to look him in the eyes.
“You have too many clothes on,” I said.
He smiled, then he let my wrist go slowly so that I could help him out of his soccer practice clothes. I reached down to tug at the hem of his drenched jersey and then pulled it up over his head and let it fall into a heavy heap on the shower floor. We both looked down at the site of my most sensitive spot, now resting against his chiseled abs, and he looked back at me with a slightly open mouth before he reached down with his thumb and started to touch me. I thought my heart was going to flatline at his touch. I leaned my head back against the shower wall and let out a breath, then leaned forward again to look at him, my wet hair now in my eyes. My bottom lip drew instinctively into my mouth, and I bit down as he started to rub me faster. I could feel him hardening beneath me. He couldn’t help it. I was naked, and we were both soaking wet against one another.
“I can’t take this anymore, baby. Can I have you?” He asked, with a pained look in his eyes.
“Yes,” I begged, breathlessly, and he dove in to kiss me.
He untangled my legs from around him and set my feet back on the shower floor. Then he reached into his shorts pocket, pulled out a gold foil condom, and pushed his shower-soaked shorts off his waist. They fell to his ankles, he stepped out of them, and kicked them away. He put the condom in his mouth and ripped the top off as I watched with eagerness. It was the first time I had seen his cock, even though I had touched it just recently in the river. Once he rolled the condom on, he swiftly picked my legs back up around his waist and leaned me back up against the shower wall. The water beat down upon us as he reached down and guided himself towards my opening.
I could feel the tip of him lightly touch the outside of me, and my heart started to pound in anticipation. Then his fingers parted me, and he kissed my nerves away as he started to slide himself into me. It was so tight, and it burned a little as he slowly lowered me down onto him, stretching me as he went. I yelped quietly as I buried my face into his neck.
“Are you okay, baby?” he asked, as he paused for my answer. I nodded, so he kept pushing slowly, as I continued to take him in. Once he was fully inside of me, he paused there, both of us deeply connected. Then he plunged his tongue into my mouth as he started to gently thrust me up and down against the shower wall. The slippery tile let me slide with ease as his hands held my shoulders firmly against his body. Each of our mouths caught the others’ heavy breaths as we started to pant. I had tingles all over my body as he ran his hands down my arms, and then he reached behind my back to pull me tight against his chest. His fingertips dug into my back and held us together as we moved, both of us so slippery under the fluorescent shower light. As he held me, I grabbed fistfuls of his hair and tipped his head back so that I could look him in the eyes, and he seemed to enjoy the pain as I tugged at his scalp. His eyes had never looked greener. He reached down to touch my clit as he continued to thrust. The most intense waves of ecstasy began to crash over me. Time felt like slow motion as we moved in unison with one another, and I grazed my fingernails up his back as he arched into me. I couldn’t deny the pulsing between my legs much longer, and my pants got faster and louder with his every move.
“Allie, I’m going to cum if you keep making sounds like that,” he said through heavy breaths.
“I can’t help it. I feel like I’m going to explode,” I said loudly.
