“What?” I asked. “Like what you see?” I smiled as I flexed my calves. I knew I had lean, muscular legs and was proud of them. He swallowed hard and turned the key in the ignition which brought the truck to life .
“It’s good to see you smiling again. Are you ready to go home?” He asked over the roar of the engine.
Feeling brave and wanting answers, I surprised my own self. ”Not yet.”
There it was again. That fire in his eyes.
He looked back over at me with what could only be described as desire in his eyes, and he cut the engine.
9
Chris pulled the keys out of the ignition, dropped them in the cup holder, then looked at me with a longing in his eyes that was impossible to deny. It brought me right back to the equipment shed. Maybe he did want me. It was my decision not to go home right now. In this moment, I knew that I was in control, but I wouldn’t give him the satisfaction of speaking first. I sat there staring at him until he finally spoke.
“You’re so quiet in school, but such a force on the field. I can’t tell if you like me or can’t wait to get out of my truck, I just can’t figure you out.”
I half smiled but waited for a moment before I finally replied.
“You just…left,” I finally said. There was something warm about him that I liked, but after today, and feeling tossed aside, I was hesitant about letting him in. I had already suffered enough rejection in my life and wasn’t interested in being let down.
“I didn’t mean to hurt you. You said you didn’t like public attention or people talking about you, so I thought it would be best to just quickly leave with my friends. I didn’t think you would want them to suspect there might be something between us. Besides, is there?”
There it was. That doubt. And now there was a shadow cast upon it. I flinched.
“I understand if you want to take this slow after I upset you today,” he said as he laced his fingers together in his lap. I exhaled and was silent for a moment while I decided what I was going to say. He waited with a longing gaze, patiently, for my reply.
“How do I say this?” I said.
He looked down disappointedly, surely prepared for a rejection of his own.
“I think I like you,” I said, and his gaze returned to meet mine. “But I have trust issues, so if you change your mind about me, it’s not something that I will easily recover from.” Then I let out a slow sigh.
“Why would I change my mind?” he asked suddenly, turning to face me.
I slowly shook my head, and I looked at him as he held perfectly still, listening.
“Because my dad did,” I said, with a shrug.
“He and I are not the same. Please give me a chance,” he said with a furrowed brow that desperately made me want to believe him. But Amy’s words of doubt remained nestled at the back of my mind. I hated to admit it, but I felt safe with Chris, like I had known him my whole life, even though I had really just met him. Apparently, he had been trying to get my attention all this time, but I had been too tied up in myself, always worried that everyone was trying to hurt me. Nobody had ever paid attention to me like this, or shown me this much affection. But how could I trust him? How could I be sure I wasn’t just some toy? As far as I was concerned, I was invisible to everyone around me, but in this moment, I decided to take control.
I leaned in, kissed him, and then pulled away. His green eyes widened, and his cheeks flushed at my unexpected advance. Before he could make a move, I leaned in again and kissed him, then worked my way over to his ear.
“Are you going to break my heart?” I whispered.
“No. Never,” he said, and then he grabbed my face and kissed me with vigor as I quickly pivoted and swung a leg over his lap to straddle him so I could look him in the eyes. Now that I sat in his lap facing him, I grabbed his waves of hair with authority and tipped his head back into the headrest. His mouth fell open into a wide smile, and I held his head still. My mouth found his neck again, and he moaned softly as I kissed my way down to his collarbone, sliding my other hand inside the collar of his soccer jersey, and I lightly brushed my fingertips across the top of his shoulder. His hand moved to my neck, and I felt his open lips move just below my ear. His other hand moved to the small of my back and pulled me close against him.
“Come here,” he whispered.
Suddenly, I felt his hand leave my back to wander up my thigh, but I placed my hand on top of his to stop him, and he whimpered. I think I wanted more, but I wasn’t quite ready to let my guard down.
“I just can’t get enough of you,” he said into the side of my neck.
I looked at the clock. “My mom will start to worry if I’m not home soon. We’d better go,” I said, as I slid off his lap and he let out a sigh of disappointment that I was abruptly ending our moment together for the second time.
“Ok,” he said, as he reached into the cup holder and put the keys into the ignition, then looked over at me once more before starting the engine.
I reached across the bench seat and placed my hand on his thigh. His head snapped to mine. “It has just always been easier to avoid disappointment in my life by pushing people away.”
“Push as hard as you want, but I’m stronger than you,” he said with a smile.
