Beth finds herself reaching out before she can think about it, cupping Gwen’s jaw in her hand and stepping forward until their skirts press together. “You look worse than Mother,” Beth whispers, searching Gwen’s eyes.
“What?” Gwen asks, the word soft, her whole body gone slack at Beth’s touch.
“She’s been taking laudanum,” Beth admits, all her anger and hurt dissolving to a quiet peace now that they’re together here, alone, just for a moment. “And even then she’s barely sleeping. But she won’t talk about it.”
“Why?” Gwen wonders.
Beth almost smiles as Gwen’s hands settle on her hips, too many hoops and skirts to feel more than the pressure, but it’s there. “You think it’s all happiness and wedding planning, but I envy you.Motherenvies you and your father, laughing and drinking while we’re trapped in this waking nightmare with these terrible people that just... goes on forever,” she says, wrapping her other arm around Gwen’s neck until their foreheads press together.
“So we’re in mutual misery,” Gwen murmurs, curling closer until her hands meet behind Beth’s back.
“I miss you,” Beth admits, looking up to meet Gwen’s eyes, almost too close, a little blurry.
Gwen nods and leans down, pressing her lips to Beth’s in a chaste kiss. In the moonlight, at the back of this hedge maze at the biggest ball of the season, it feels like they’re in a momentoutside of time. A détente from all the pain and acrimony and separation.
“I miss you too,” Gwen says. She pulls back so they can see each other. Even the moon is helping, unusually bright. “Maybe you could see Meredith sometimes, and I could happen to be there, and no one needs to know.”
Beth sighs, the moment shattered. It’s not enough.
“I don’t want that,” Beth mumbles. Gwen goes to pull away, but Beth shakes her head, sliding her hand to cup the back of Gwen’s neck. “I don’t want just that,” she amends. “I want—this is so stupid. All of us miserable, and for what?”
Gwen sighs. “So we don’t end up destitute with our parents ruined.”
Beth blinks. Their parents.
The proper marriage presented itself, and Beth just... accepted defeat. Submitted to this terrible future because her mother told her they should—told her it was the only way. She trusted that her mother knew best. That she had truly considered every possible option. But her mother waswrong.
This—all of them devastated and heartbroken—can’t be the only way out. Beth refuses to believe it. Refuses to stand by and watch them all suffer forever because they weren’t brave enough even tohope.
If Mother could just open her eyes—could believe she’s worthy of Lord Havenfort’s affections—if Beth can just make her see reason, they can change this. She and Gwen had a plan, and they just—
“We surrendered!” Beth exclaims, wincing as the sound bounces around their little hedgerow.
“What?”
“Our parents. We—God, Gwen. We just gave up. We could still—would your father still propose, do you think?”
Gwen gapes at her. “Would my—you want to get our parents together, now? We tried, it was a miserable failure,” she says slowly.
Beth shakes her head. “It wasn’t though. In the beginning, maybe. But once they started talking again—Mother cried all the way home the day we had to break off our friendship with you. She was so happy before that. They were in love, I’m sure of it.” Gwen stares at her. “Your father’s been drunk as a skunk for weeks. Is that normal behavior?”
“Well, not normal, exactly—”
“And my mother, taking laudanum? I’ve been telling myself it’s just exhaustion and resignation—the Ashmonds really are quite dull and their opinions—but she’s sad. She’s heartbroken, just like I am.”
Gwen blinks down at her, head cocked to the side, and Beth surges up in renewed joy, pressing a hard kiss to her mouth. She pulls away before Gwen lists into her, sliding her hands around to take Gwen’s so they can see each other fully.
“We can still do this, can’t we?” Beth slots their fingers together until they’re clutched knuckle to knuckle.
Gwen hesitates. “I’m not sure.”
“Can’t we try?” Beth insists. “The wedding is in three weeks. We could still do it.”
Gwen sucks on her cheek, considering her. Beth fills up with hope, planning already. They’ll force their parents together. Everyone gets to be happy.
“Do you think your mother would allow it?”
“Allow what?” Beth asks.
