‘It’s okay,’ I told her. ‘I’m not broken-hearted or anything. I just thought maybe we were starting something, that was all. And I did think he was happy to be back here. But, look, let’s make sure us meeting wasn’t for nothing. Why don’t you come to the farm and meet Willow and see how you two could work together? I mean, if you want to deal with two mischievous Shetland ponies, that is.’
We both laughed at that. Bronte nodded. ‘I live with two men and two kids; I can handle two ponies,’ she said with a wink.
We finished our coffee and a slice of cheesecake then Bronte followed me out to my car. She needed to collect her kids from a party but said she could come to the farm tomorrow morning to talk to Willow. As I was leaving, she mentioned that Bill would love to see me so I decided to stop in at his antiques shop on my way home. I was intrigued to look around again anyway.
‘Daisy, it’s lovely to see you again,’ he said when I walked into the shop. Like the first time I’d come in, there were no customers. I thought about Birchbrook’s busy High Street and I felt sad for Bill. As Bronte had, he too looked behind me for Blake and I had to tell him he’d gone home. ‘That’s a shame but I’m not surprised. I think maybe Bronte got her hopes up that he might stick around this summer.’ He sighed. ‘She’ll be upset with him.’
‘I wish he had stayed too,’ I admitted as I looked around the shop. ‘You have some beautiful things in here. I’ll tell everyone in Birchbrook they need to pay you a visit.’
‘That’s kind of you. I think it might be time to face facts that things aren’t really working here, though. And we don’t have the money to fix it.’
I felt another wave of anger towards Blake. His family were struggling and he was about to make money with this app and didn’t seem to care about them back here. ‘I’m sorry, Bill. Oh…’ My attention was caught by a cuckoo clock propped up on a table. It was a pretty baby blue. ‘Does this work?’
‘Sure does.’ Bill came over and moved the clock on so it struck the hour and a cuckoo slid out to announce it. It was painted white, matching the flowers on top.
‘My mum had a cuckoo clock in her flower shop. This one reminds me of it. It’s so pretty.’ I stared at it, picturing it on the wall in the shop. ‘I’ll take it,’ I said, knowing I couldn’t leave without it. ‘I keep saying I don’t believe in signs but I don’t know, this summer, I keep seeing so many that remind me of my mum and her shop, of flowers and new beginnings, like my name…’ I realised I was half-speaking to myself but Bill was nodding along anyway.
‘I once woke up and my ex-wife wasn’t next to me in bed. I went downstairs and saw she was out in the garden looking up at the stars in the sky. I think I knew in that moment, she was going to leave. She was searching for something that she just couldn’t find here with us.’
‘How can you leave your children?’ I wondered aloud as Bill carried the clock to the till and went behind the counter to start wrapping it for me. My gaze travelled to the other parts of the shop I hadn’t looked at yet. The whole place was full of treasures. There surely were people who would want to come and unearth them.
‘I think she found family life just too hard,’ Bill replied. ‘I think her going left my kids with two very different feelings. Bronte had always been keen to have a family of her own. And to settle down here. But Blake was different; he was always looking up at the stars like his mother had done.’
I thought back to the moment when I’d been star-gazing with Blake. ‘I think maybe he thinks he should dream big, and that has taken him away from here. But all dreams are big. All dreams are important. We all want different things in life, and that’s okay. There are people who explore the world and people who stay at home. It doesn’t mean that one is happier than the other, does it?’ I wondered if Blake thought his mum had felt happier by leaving. I wondered if the opposite might actually be true. ‘And sometimes, people are scared to be happy.’
She might have run because she had too much here, she was too happy, she had too much to lose. I understood that feeling. I had spent half my life worried about losing things that made me happy, or worried about losing people I loved, so I hadn’t let myself have either.
‘You’re wise beyond your years,’ Bill said as he put the bubble-wrapped clock into a tote bag with the shop name written on it. ‘You know what it’s like to be scared of being happy, but don’t let that stop you. You have too much to offer the world. And your parents wouldn’t want you to be scared of anything. They would want you to be fearless, and happy too.’
My eyes welled up. ‘Thank you.’ I pulled out my credit card but he shook his head.
‘No charge today, Daisy. You brought back Blake to us, and that meant everything.’
I protested but he wouldn’t budge so I left the shop promising I would come back again over the summer, hoping that he wouldn’t let the shop go before then.
My anger at Blake rose up again then as I replayed the conversation I’d had with his dad and sister. They needed him, but he’d gone back to Sarah like they didn’t matter. Didn’t he realise how lucky he was to have them? So when I got back into Willow’s car, after placing my new clock carefully on the seat beside me, I pulled out my phone and wrote a text message to Blake.
I’ve just come from visiting your family. Your dad is suffering. Your sister was upset you left without telling them. She hoped you would come home. They both did. They need you, Blake. I know we don’t know each other well but I saw your face when you came back here. You’ve missed it here, and them. Whatever is going on in the city, and with Sarah, don’t forget about your home here. They need you and you need them.
I would give anything to be able to go home. I wish I could turn back the clock and see my parents again. Don’t wake up one day and regret not being there for them. You’ll never forgive yourself. Your mum walked away. Don’t do the same thing.
You worry about failing. But the only way you will fail is if you live a life that doesn’t make you happy. Are you happy? I don’t know. I hope you are but something tells me you’re not.
People walk away, people dream big, people do all kinds of things but they also regret them. Maybe your mum regrets leaving you all. She will probably never admit it. But you’re a better person than that. You can admit if you’re wrong and you are capable of following your heart. Just like you told me I was. You encouraged me to live the life I wanted, to let myself really live again – why don’t you take your own advice?
I wish you well whichever path you choose to take.
Just make sure it’s your choice.
Before I could chicken out, I sent the long and impassioned message. It was the first text I’d sent him. We’d been together almost every day so we hadn’t needed to message each other. But now he was far away.
I had no idea how he would take it but I felt so much better for sharing my thoughts. I hated to think he might have regrets like mine one day.
Driving back to the farm, I let Blake go.
36
The next few days were hectic to say the least. We worked hard to repair the damage done by the ponies. Willow made her swing and I draped it with faux sunflowers and greenery so it looked like it had always been in the middle of the sunflowers. I knew people would love it. The farm tractor was placed in the bare patch of the strawberry fields, again covering up the mess there. Now there was a lot for visitors to see and do, which could only be a good thing. We set up the till table so people could weigh what they bought and pay for produce, and we had a stack of punnets with the tags that hadBirch Tree Farm Strawberry Fields Trailcarved into them.
