I froze. For a second, I wasn’t sure what to do. That familiar sinking feeling of panic settled in my stomach like a dead weight. I held my chest where my heart was speeding up and my breathing become shallow. I didn’t know what to do. I was afraid of panicking and that made me panic more.
‘No,’ I said firmly to myself. I looked at things I could see. The ponies potentially ruining the pick-your-own area. Ruining our work. Maple distressed as she knew they were doing something bad. I lifted my face. The sun had just started drifting towards the horizon, casting a dewy glow over the scene, which was at odds with the chaos. It almost looked dreamlike. But I wasn’t in a dream. I was here. This was happening.
I breathed in and out slowly. I focused. I wasn’t going to panic. I needed to help fix this.
Snapping back to myself, I yanked my phone out my pocket and called Willow. ‘I need you in the strawberry fields now!’ I cried when she answered, then I hung up and pocketed it again.
‘You two are bad ponies,’ I said as I reached them. Maple joined me, barking as if she knew they’d been naughty too. Blossom took one look at us and started off at a trot towards the sunflowers. ‘No!’ I called, running after her as Jasmine continued gorging on strawberries without a care in the world. Maple ran to her and tried to herd her away, but Jasmine ignored the dog completely.
‘Blossom, stop,’ I called as she trampled on the sunflowers.
I heard Willow calling my name and I turned and waved her over, as well as Dylan and Blake, who were jogging behind.
I didn’t wait for them. I headed for the barn to find the ponies’ harnesses and leads as they clearly weren’t going to come of their own accord. They wanted treats, and strawberries were their favourite. Now they had found the supply, they were going to need to be led out.
Blake found me in the barn grabbing what we needed. ‘Why are the ponies out?’
I spun around. ‘You didn’t lock their gate earlier! Too distracted after Sarah called.’ I knew I was being unfair – obviously, he hadn’t done it on purpose and I could have reminded him at the time – but it was an easy thing to have a go at him about, instead of the fact he was running out on me when we’d only just got started.
‘Shit, I didn’t realise. Here…’ He tried to take their leads from me.
‘I’ll do it,’ I snapped, walking past him and out of the barn.
‘But I’m good with them,’ he protested, following me.
‘You’re leaving. We have to be able to look after them without you,’ I said as I hurried back to the sunflowers and strawberries. ‘I got their leads!’ I called to Willow, who was trying to coax Blossom out of the sunflowers while Dylan and Maple were with Jasmine, trying to both herd her out and tempt her with an outstretched strawberry, but she just carried on eating.
‘I can’t believe this is happening so close to opening! Are we cursed?’ Willow asked, putting her hands on her hips.
‘I’m so sorry I didn’t lock their enclosure properly,’ Blake said as he walked past me and called to Blossom. I sighed and threw one set of harnesses and leads to Willow. ‘You get Jasmine; we’ve got Blossom,’ I said. She hurried off and I followed Blake.
‘God, she’s ruining the flowers.’ I saw flattened and broken sunflowers as she carried on walking right down the middle of them. ‘Come on, Blossom,’ I encouraged her, stepping carefully around the remaining flowers to reach her. Blake beat me, though and was talking to her, reaching out to stroke her so she finally stopped moving, and snorted as she stood still, her tail flicking like she was the one annoyed. I supposed she didn’t like being caught out.
‘Come on then.’ I hooked the harness over Blossom as Blake held her steady, reassuring her and being so sweet and gentle, my heart squeezed. I tried to ignore it and focused on securing the harness and lead on her. And then with a cluck of my tongue, I gave it a little tug. Blossom stood firm, eyeing me like I was a pain in her butt. The feeling was mutual right now. ‘Party’s over, girl,’ I said, clucking my tongue again.
‘Come on, Blossom,’ Blake encouraged, giving the lead an extra tug and finally, Blossom took a step forward. I gave her another tug and with Blake encouraging her on, she finally started to follow me and I was able to lead her away from the sunflowers and onto the trail. ‘Wait here.’ Blake rushed off to help the others while I stood with Blossom, annoyed at his instruction but knowing it was unlikely I’d get her into the barn without him.
Now I was alone, I thought about how I’d frozen back there and almost given in to panic.
But I had got through it. I hadn’t run away but I had tried to fix the problem. I hadn’t lost my breath or got anxious. I’d pushed through and helped work things out. So, I was proud of myself.
I thought about all the time over the past five years I had panicked. The times I had backed out of things or lied to Henry, saying I was ill, or stayed quiet and not told him or his parents how I’d really felt until it was too late.
It had been like that on my wedding day. I had been so scared of speaking up and having to change my life, I’d left it until the last minute to do so. But now, I could see I was capable of doing that. I was changing my life.
Tonight, I hadn’t kept quiet and pretended to be happy about Blake and Sarah. I’d told him I didn’t understand why he wanted to go back to the city. I hadn’t hidden my disappointment.
And now, with the ponies, I had stepped up too.
‘Blossom, maybe I really will be okay,’ I murmured. She nudged my shoulder in response. I rolled my eyes but I stroked her and she nuzzled me as if we hadn’t just had a huge disagreement.
Maybe I didn’t have to be as afraid any more.
It might have been a strange moment to have an epiphany but somehow, this had all helped me to realise that I could, and would, handle whatever came my way in life.
34
Looking over, I saw Blake had helped Dylan and Willow to put the harness and lead onto Jasmine. He was now coaxing her away from her strawberry feast. Maple hurried towards me, letting out a frustrated-sounding bark. She hadn’t trusted the ponies from the start and now was being proved right.
