‘Daisy, there you are,’ Henry’s dad said after he’d shaken hands with Henry like he was a business associate. He leaned in to kiss my cheek. He wore a crisp linen suit like his son. ‘You look so different,’ he added, catching sight of my hair. He glanced at Henry, who shrugged like it was nothing to do with him.
Lovely.
‘She looks beautiful as always,’ Henry’s mum chastised them as she leaned in to kiss me too. She wore a linen skirt and blouse, a straw hat and Chanel No.5, plus her signature red lipstick.
‘You both look well,’ I returned politely as we all sat down at the table.
Henry called over a waiter and ordered a bottle of champagne.
‘Isn’t this for celebrating?’ I asked him.
‘We are celebrating.’ He chuckled. ‘Us being back together.’
I didn’t know if he meant the four of us, or him and me – either one was presumptuous. He really hadn’t been listening to me since our wedding day.
The waiter returned and poured us all a glass of fizz. The contrast to yesterday’s simple lunch with Blake and his family was so strong, I almost felt like I was in a dream.
‘To us,’ Henry proposed as a toast and we all took a sip, although mine was more of a desperate gulp.
‘Okay, Daisy, let’s put our cards on the table…’ Henry’s dad said then. He leaned forward and gave me a serious look. The dread in my stomach grew even further. ‘We’ve talked to Henry about everything. We recognise that the wedding we planned wasn’t what you imagined it to be, and we hope we can all move on from it. It was embarrassing what happened but we have made allowances for the fact you have no family, Daisy; it was clearly an upsetting day for you. I’m sure next time, everything’ll go smoothly.’ He paused and gave me a formal nod.
I took another gulp of champagne, wondering how I’d ignored how patronising he could be. I was too stunned by his words to speak so he carried on.
‘I think we should wait until next summer to let the scandal die down. In the meantime, I know that Henry has spoken to you about you working with my wife on doing things for charity,’ he continued. ‘We also recognise that us all living together might not be the best thing for newlyweds so we are going to purchase the two of you a flat in the city and then you can come home on the weekends. Once you have a family after the wedding, we can talk about building a separate property on our estate maybe.’ He leaned back and took a proud sip of his drink, as if he had just delivered a keynote speech. Which he probably thought he had.
My head spun. I could feel the situation getting away from me. Like it had so many times with these four. I’d gone along with so many things, but this was the rest of my life.
‘And our next wedding can be anything you want,’ Henry said, turning to me while I tried to gather myself. ‘Within reason, as we’ll still need to invite key people, of course, but the wedding planner will report to you this time and you can choose the dress you want.’
My eyes widened. Surely every bride should get to choose her dress? Why had I ignored that the first time?
‘I realise I took over a bit, dear,’ Henry’s mum said then, more gently than the other two had spoken. ‘I’m sorry for that. You didn’t seem to want to take charge and you know I love planning events. But we’ll do it differently next time. And I think you’ll find you enjoy not working in an office any more.’ She smiled but I couldn’t return it. Once again, none of them were actually askingmewhat it was I wanted.
Abruptly, I pushed back my chair. ‘Excuse me, I need to use the powder room,’ I said, making a swift exit. I rushed into the ladies and stood by the mirror to suck in a breath.
I was dangerously close to panicking again.
But this time, I knew Henry couldn’t soothe me.
He was the cause of it. And if I thought back, he had been the cause of my freaking out at the farm too, showing up and demanding things of me. This had been the case for five years. I never felt relaxed in their presence.
But I had been relaxed yesterday with Blake and his family. I was relaxed with Willow and my uncle, Dylan and Maple. And the ponies. I was relaxed on the farm. In Birchbrook. I couldn’t ignore the contrast.
I looked at my reflection. Despite the fact Henry and his parents clearly didn’t approve of my new haircut, it was part of what was making me feel like I was slowly becoming the woman I wanted to be here. And I didn’t want to go back to the woman I had been with them.
The door opened and Henry’s mother swept in. ‘You need to tell me what’s going on, Daisy,’ she said in the voice she used with people working for her at her events. I knew better than to ignore it.
‘There was nothing in what you all just said out there that I want,’ I said in a rush, tumbling over the words before I chickened out. I tried to say something else but my breath caught. I clutched my chest. ‘I can’t breathe in here.’ My eyes widened in fear that panic was setting in again. I gulped but it felt like no oxygen was coming into my lungs.
‘Come on.’ She took my arm and gently led me out to the front of the hotel. ‘Take some deep breaths, Daisy.’ She kept her arm on me as she breathed deeply. I watched and copied her. ‘That’s it. Breathe.’
My breaths and racing pulse both started to slow down as I breathed along with her. When I felt calmer, I nodded. ‘Thank you.’
‘What’s got you so worried? You might as well tell me now, dear.’
I had never come close to breaking down in front of her before but she was right; I had nothing to lose now. ‘Henry just takes over. You all do. I feel like I can’t be myself. That I can’t think for myself. That I can’t breathe. I left my wedding because you started talking about the future you had all planned for me. But I don’t want it. I’m not sure I want a family after losing mine. And I want to keep on working. I don’t know what I want to do yet but I haven’t been happy in a long time. And that needs to change.’ I inhaled and exhaled again. ‘I’m sorry. I clung to Henry offering me security after I’d lost so much. I didn’t want to be alone but that’s not a reason to marry him.’
Then I let out a sob and put my hand over my mouth. I couldn’t stop the tears though and they trailed down my face.
