‘Perfect,’ Willow told him as we followed. ‘We’re trying to fix up the place as it has fallen into a bit of disrepair the past few years,’ she said, gesturing around as we stepped inside the farmhouse. It looked just how it had done five years ago although I could smell fresh paint in the hall, which they had brightened up. It had a low ceiling with beams and the floors were polished wood but with comfortable rugs making the place cosy. They still had family photographs dotted around. I could see one of me and Willow one summer out in the crop fields having a picnic. Carefree days that I had loved and missed.
‘You’ll want to stay tonight, right?’ Willow asked me.
I hesitated, wondering how that would feel, as I followed her upstairs. But really, I had nowhere else to go. I lived with Henry at his parents’ house on the edge of the city. I didn’t want to face them today. I needed some space to take stock of the decision I had just made. ‘If you’re sure that would be okay?’
‘You don’t even have to ask,’ Willow reassured me. ‘This is your home too for as long as you need it.’
It felt too much. ‘Even though I haven’t come back for five years?’
Willow stepped into the spare room that I had always stayed in when my parents and I had spent time on the farm in the school holidays. ‘Listen, it was so hard for all of us…’ she broke off, her voice failing her.
I touched her arm. ‘I should have been there for you both more like you were for me.’
‘We all coped the best we could,’ she said, seemingly no hard feelings about me not coming back to see her and my uncle. Her grief at losing her mum had brought mine back and I hadn’t coped. I’d moved to the city where I took a job working for Henry’s dad as his PA. And soon after, I’d met Henry and we’d started dating. I’d slipped into this new life as Henry’s girlfriend and it had been easier to stay away from Birch Tree Farm.
Guilt washed over me as I looked around the pretty room. There was the same floral bedspread, the same fireplace with a vase of lavender on top, the same mirror on the far wall and the window that displayed the farm in all its glory. The sloping roof made the room feel cosy. I used to love sleeping in here. I had been scared it would make me feel sad to return to it but something about the room soothed me instead.
I smiled, this time without the need to force it. ‘God, it’s good to be back.’ Yes, it was sad that Willow’s mum wasn’t here. I could feel the place and the people had changed but Willow wasn’t broken, nor was my uncle, and I’d feared they would be changed forever – like I had been when my parents died.
‘It’s good to have you back. And it kind of feels perfect. The past few months, we’ve really tried to pick this place back up. And it’s working. Things feel so much brighter. And they will for you soon too, I know it. Hang on…’ She left the room and I perched on the edge of the bed, my body sinking into its softness. I suddenly felt exhausted.
‘Okay. Here are some of my clothes,’ Willow said, coming back. ‘Have a shower if you want, change, refresh yourself… then we can have tea and cake down in the kitchen when you’re ready? And you can stay tonight, and for as long as you like. This room is yours.’
‘I don’t know how to thank you,’ I said, swallowing the lump that had appeared in my throat. It had been such a crazy day; I needed a moment to myself, and Willow was giving me that. ‘I left in such a hurry. All my things are at home with Henry and his parents. I work for Henry’s dad. My whole life is there, I don’t know what I’ll do next…’ My eyes were definitely watering now.
‘Listen, just take it one step at a time,’ Willow said gently. ‘Take that dress off. Have a cup of tea. We’ll sort the rest of it out soon. Okay?’
I nodded. ‘Okay,’ I managed to choke out.
She left me then and I let a tear roll down my cheek. I had blown up my life running away from my wedding. I felt relieved but terrified. I was exhausted but I saw a glimmer of hope on the horizon. I looked around the room. It was safe. It was familiar. It was comforting.
I didn’t know much right now but I knew one thing: I had made the right decision coming to Birchbrook.
And that was enough for now.
3
I looked into Willow’s bedroom mirror and for the first time in a long time, I seemed more like myself.
I had washed out the pin curls and now my hair hung loose and damp over my shoulders. I’d scrubbed all the heavy bridal make-up off my face and after my shower, I’d changed into the clothes Willow had given me: a pair of denim shorts, frayed at the hem, and a basic white tee. Right now, I looked older than my twenty-eight years with my green eyes dull and my skin in need of sunshine. I also wanted to sleep, but first I was desperate for the tea and cake Willow had mentioned so I hurried downstairs.
In the inviting farmhouse kitchen, Willow, her father and dog waited at the pine table for me. I was relieved that Dylan and Blake were nowhere in sight.
‘Better?’ Willow asked. She had changed as well, putting on similar shorts and a T-shirt to the ones she’d given me.
Her dog, Maple hurried over with her tail wagging and I leaned down to pat her, smiling at the sweet greeting.
‘Much,’ I said.
‘Come and sit down. We have tea and Dad made sandwiches plus we have the cake from the café I was in earlier,’ Willow said with a warm smile.
My stomach rumbled. I realised I’d only had champagne all day so far. I sat down eagerly.
‘How was your old room?’ my uncle asked me.
‘Just like I remembered.’ My parents’ car accident had happened while I was at university and I had spent the summer break afterwards with Uncle Adam, his wife and Willow. I had stayed on the farm all that summer and it had helped a little bit. But when my aunt died just a couple of years after my parents, I’d backed away from them. It brought all that grief and pain back. It hurt so much, I wasn’t sure I could take losing anyone else I loved ever again.
It had been easier to stay away and not take the risk of hurting again.
