‘Blakey, I’ve had a breakthrough with our app,’ Sarah butted in, clearly not wanting to be left out. ‘We need to talk about it, okay? Work is different to what’s going with us, right?’
‘I guess,’ Blake muttered, seeming as tired as I suddenly felt.
‘Let’s talk about it while you walk me back to the pub then you can go back to the farm if you need to, I guess. But we can spend the evening together, can’t we?’ Sarah asked him.
‘We’re having dinner,’ Henry said quickly, giving me a look that dared me to disagree.
‘Yes, I know,’ I replied, irritated.
‘Come on, Blakey,’ Sarah said, before flouncing off. She muttered under her breath about needing a matcha latte.
Blake sighed but got up. He glanced at me. ‘I’ll see you back at the farm later?’
I nodded and watched him follow Sarah out, wondering why that felt so wrong to me.
I didn’t want Henry to get comfy so I jumped up before he could think about ordering and sitting down. ‘I need to go back now. Willow is waiting for me.’
‘I’ll pick you up for dinner then?’ Henry asked, trailing after me as I headed for the door. I wanted to get away from Sarah and Blake. I wanted to get back out into the fresh air and sunshine, and back on the farm where I could breathe properly and think clearly. ‘I’ll take you somewhere. I don’t want to eat with your family or those two,’ he said after we left the café. ‘I just want to be with you alone. We have a lot to talk about still.’
It was the opposite of what I wanted but I was aware that he was staying here to be with me. I couldn’t really refuse after I hadn’t asked him to go home so I nodded. ‘Sure, come at seven; I’ll be ready.’
‘You really look so different with your hair like that,’ he said as I reached Willow’s car, opened the driver’s door and climbed in. ‘See you later.’
He waved and set off, not going back into the café but walking back towards the pub.
I glanced at my reflection in the rear-view mirror. I touched my hair. I looked different. That wasn’t a compliment, was it? Henry clearly wasn’t a fan of the cut but I liked it. I realised then how Mary had recognised me so easily. My mum had had her hair this length and style when she had been pregnant with me. I looked much more like her now. That made me feel a whole lot better.
* * *
‘Wow, Daisy,’ Willow said as twilight hit. I stepped back from the archway as she looked at what I had done so far. ‘It’s so pretty already!’
‘Mary helped me pick the perfect flowers,’ I said, looking at what I had draped across the archway so far. It was almost half-done. Once I’d returned to the farm, I’d set to work immediately and it was a wrench to have to leave it for the day but I knew I needed to get ready to eat with Henry. ‘I still can’t believe my mum helped out in her shop years ago. I felt closer to her today than I have been for years.’ I glanced at Willow. ‘I’ve been scared of the memories here. But now, I wish I’d come back to Birchbrook ages ago.’
Willow smiled. ‘Me too but I understood why you stayed away. I love the fact I walk every day the same steps my mum walked. Yes, it can be painful when things happen that I know she would have enjoyed, like the pumpkin patch or me getting the ponies,’ she said with a mischievous grin. ‘Or the fact she’ll never meet Dylan. But being here in our home still means so much to me. She loved the farm and I know she would have been proud and happy to see me still here.’
I sighed. ‘I wish my mum would have been proud of me too, but I can’t see it.’
‘You need to give yourself some grace. She would be proud to see you back here on the farm helping us out. And how beautiful this flower arch will be. Your mum would definitely be proud of that.’ She touched my shoulder before walking off. I looked at my work and I did let myself smile. I think my mum would have liked it too. But I was still unsure if she would be proud. I felt incredibly lost. The future seemed so uncertain.
I walked back to the farmhouse and had a shower, after which I pulled on one of the floral summer dresses I had bought with Willow. I thought about Blake asking if I had been nervous about dating Henry. I had protected myself from the start and that meant I hadn’t felt nervous or had butterflies. I had just become the woman Henry wanted me to be. I hadn’t had to wonder if he loved who I was; I had hidden that from him. I hadn’t wanted an epic love story. It had been enough to feel safe and secure.
But as I got ready now, it didn’t feel right not to have butterflies, or be excited to see him. It felt wrong that when I heard his car on the driveway and left the farmhouse to go out to him, I didn’t feel anything at all.
I climbed into his car. He wore a blue shirt and dark trousers combo I’d seen many times before, his aftershave as familiar as my own perfume.
‘Where are we headed?’
‘Well, there is a distinct lack of French restaurants around here,’ Henry said as he pulled back out of the driveway. I looked over at the cottages but there was no sign of Blake. I wondered whether he was eating with Sarah and if he felt butterflies before going out with her. ‘But I found an Italian that has pretty decent reviews about half an hour away. At least we can get a better bottle of wine there than in the Birchbrook Arms.’ He shook his head at what he thought was a poor wine list, clearly. ‘You’re lucky I love you, Daisy; that’s all I can say.’ He grinned across at me but I couldn’t bring myself to return it. I wasn’t at all sure how he could believe he was in love with me.
On the journey to the restaurant, Henry talked about work. His father had already employed a new assistant, clearly lined up prior to our wedding to cover my honeymoon, but I assumed they’d all planned to keep her on after that as I was meant to want to give up my job for married life. ‘Mum had a good idea for you, though,’ he said as I started to zone out. I looked over at him with trepidation. ‘You could start a charity together,’ Henry said excitedly. ‘So, you could organise parties and dinners, all sorts of fundraisers. That would give you something to do alongside starting our family, right?’
Startled, I eyed him. ‘But I told you that was the reason I called off the wedding: you all deciding my future for me.’
‘I don’t know why you’re being so difficult,’ he replied. ‘Any woman would give their right arm to be part of our family. You could have everything you want. You could still work on the charity and have a family: the best of both worlds, right?’
I thought about all the charity dinners I’d gone with him to. Fancy black-tie events where it was all about being seen, nothing to do with what the charity actually was raising money for, and my heart sank that he thought that was something I’d enjoy doing. It was like he couldn’t understand why I wouldn’t want to be like everyone else he knew. I ignored the work thing and focused on the family. ‘I don’t know if I want to have children,’ I said. I wasn’t sure I could handle the anxiety that would come with it. The fear of losing someone so close to me again. That was the reason I’d protected my heart from Henry. I couldn’t do that with a baby. It all felt too much right now to cope with.
‘Daisy, you don’t really mean that…’ Henry trailed off as we both saw something up ahead.
