‘Your cousin is, like, impossible to say no to, isn’t she?’ he said, seemingly dazed by what had just happened.
‘Oh, definitely,’ I agreed. ‘So…’ I shifted my feet. ‘Can we do this? Work together for the next few days?’
‘Of course,’ Blake said easily. ‘I shouldn’t have judged you when I met you. And if you don’t judge me either then we can work together, and be mates, right?’
I liked that idea but I thought about what he had said, and frowned. ‘Why would I judge you?’
He looked away but I saw a flash of pain in his eyes. ‘I can’t have been a great boyfriend if Sarah felt she had to cheat.’ He walked off before I could reassure him. Cheating surely had more to do with other person than the one they cheated on? But I supposed I didn’t really know Blake at all, and I didn’t know his ex, so I couldn’t comment. I appreciated him not judging me and was glad the air was clear and we could work together to support Willow.
I had made a shit ton of mistakes and had no idea if I could fix the mess that was currently my life. But I knew I wanted to. And being here and helping my family out was the first step.
11
The following day, I joined Willow on a trip to a town an hour or so away from Birchbrook to pick up supplies to turn our summer ideas into reality. There were still grey clouds in the sky holding back the sun so we both wore jeans and thin cardigans over T-shirts, plus the obligatory trainers on our feet.
‘Thank you so much for lending me things over the last couple of days,’ I said to Willow. ‘But as I’m staying longer, maybe I can find some clothes and toiletries where we’re going?’
‘Sounds like a good idea.’
‘Wearing your clothes has made me feel like I want to switch up my style; I’ve forgotten how good it feels to wear comfortable things,’ I said as I looked out of the window at the rolling green countryside, feeling a million miles away from the city I had lived in for five years. My outfits there had been either work wear – trouser suits with heels – outfits for the country club, which were smart dresses also with heels, or silky nightdresses for bedtime. Henry and his family didn’t really do casual. That’s why jeans felt kind of freeing right now. But Willow’s style didn’t feel quite like me either. ‘Not that I know what I want to switch it to exactly.’
Willow grinned as we passed a field full of wildflowers, bursting with colour and natural beauty. ‘That’s part of the fun. Trying out a few things. There’s a big clothing shop next to the homeware place and garden centre so we can hit all three and get what we need.’
‘Great. I haven’t been out shopping in ages. I always ended up ordering online as I worked such long hours, and I guess I haven’t had any real girlfriends to go out with in the city.’
‘Real girlfriends?’
‘I used to hang out with Henry and his friends with their partners but we never got close. I guess I kept a distance from people. Put up a barrier to not let anyone in. Even Henry.’ Sighing, I looked at my cousin. ‘That’s why I stayed away from you. You make me open up.’
Willow gave a wry laugh. ‘I just know you well, and know how you used to be… I don’t like seeing you so worried about things. And I don’t want to upset you, but your parents wouldn’t like seeing it either.’
‘I’m just so scared of losing someone else that I love,’ I blurted out in a rush.
‘I get that: wanting to protect your heart. But doing that means you also miss out on so much.’ She reached over and gave my hand a quick squeeze. ‘We’ve been through a lot since we were kids, haven’t we? But we’ve got each other.’
‘Even though I’ve been a rubbish cousin the past few years?’
‘Life got in the way a bit, for both of us, but we’re family.’ Willow pulled into a car park. ‘It’s like we’ve never been apart, isn’t it?’ she added with a shrug.
It was weird, but she was right. We had slipped right back into the easy familiarity of our childhood.
‘Right, let’s shop,’ Willow said eagerly as she parked and switched off the engine. We jumped out and hit the shops. For the farm, we picked up some wood as Willow didn’t have quite enough to build a pony enclosure plus she needed some for Sabrina to make trail signposts. Then we found small, pretty, pink stones to create a path that would guide the way around the farm for visitors. We then found a pretty, white, iron bench. Willow said she already had a metal archway that I could drape flowers around. The bench could go in the middle with aStrawberry Fieldssign behind it for photographs. We also picked up a couple of white baskets that I thought I would fill with flowers and put on the floor by the bench. Willow had organised to hire benches for the picnic area. She borrowed some from the local school in autumn but they’d be needed for sports day so it was an expense Dylan had agreed to. I could see how pretty I could make it all look and we left the shops excited to get started.
We had a brief coffee before going into the huge clothing shop. I had saved pretty much the majority of my salary while working for Henry’s dad and I still had the money my parents had left me. I hadn’t had to pay anything for rent while I lived in Henry’s family home. I didn’t want to spend too much, though.
Henry telling me that I should have gone through with the wedding because of what his parents had spent on it was weighing heavily on my mind. I felt so guilty about it. I wondered if I had enough money saved to pay them back. It was another thing to sort out. In the back of my mind, I knew I couldn’t hide for much longer without facing Henry again. I was just scared to do it.
For now, I’d let myself spend a little bit of money so I had enough things with me at the farm. And maybe new clothes might help me to get some of my old spark back. I wanted to feel like myself again but also like the woman I wanted to be. To break away from who I’d been for the past five years, I supposed.
I took a big pile of clothes into the changing rooms and ended up buying a few pairs of shorts, but instead of Willow’s frayed denim, I chose comfy linen in a few colours including some striped ones. They all had matching linen shirts, making them cute co-ord sets. I also bought a couple of pairs of trainers but also a couple of pairs of comfy sandals. Then I picked up several sundresses, all in floral patterns, which seemed perfect for the farm, as well as a couple of pastel cardigans for cooler days or evenings. I found two pairs of pyjama short sets, which I added to my bag, so I didn’t need to keep borrowing night things from Willow. A straw hat, some white-framed sunglasses and a bow for my hair completed my big purchases.
After grabbing some toiletries on the way to the till, I was done. I couldn’t wait to wear it all back on the farm.
As we headed back to the car, though, a hairdresser’s caught my eye. I touched my highlighted hair. Soon after I met Henry, his mum took us to her hairdresser and encouraged me to lighten up my hair to a similar colour to hers. I also had been growing it for five years and it now trailed down my back. Suddenly, I wanted it gone.
‘Do we have time to go inside?’ I asked Willow, who grabbed my arm excitedly and practically dragged me over.
An hour later, we were on our way back to the farm.
