And underneath all the make-up and shiny hair, there were dark circles under my green eyes and my skin was pale from the lack of sleep and anxiety I had wrestled with ahead of the wedding.
It was supposed to be the happiest day of your life but it had felt like the exact opposite.
‘I didn’t get to choose any of this,’ I told Willow, gesturing to my bridal look.
‘Why not?’ she asked, her eyebrows raised.
‘As soon as I said yes and Henry’s grandmother’s ring was on my finger,’ I said, waving my hand so she could see the huge rock that sat there, ‘I was swept up in this event that his family had paid for and were creating supposedly on our behalf. But it didn’t feel like my wedding. None of it felt like me. Including my fiancé. They didn’t ask me to choose anything. They didn’t… let me.’ I whispered the last two words.
‘Let you?’ she repeated in disbelief that I needed anyone to let me do anything.
That realisation was what had finally woken me up. ‘I spent the past five years going along with everything that they wanted and the wedding was more of the same. But then this morning, I stood in the room I was getting ready in and I looked around and realised my wedding was completely different to how I had ever pictured it would be. There was no one in that room who meant something to me. I had a hairdresser, a make-up artist, Henry’s mother and his little cousin who was going to be my bridesmaid, but that was it. I realised that all my friends were partners of Henry’s friends. I couldn’t confide in them. I had no family there.’
Willow shook her head. ‘I’m sorry I couldn’t come earlier; the farm is so busy right now. Dad wanted to come but he would have found the day too hard; his arthritis is worse. And my boyfriend needed to look after things while I was gone,’ she said.
‘I’m not blaming you. It was just a fact.’ I looked across at her. ‘I thought about you coming then. You would have walked in and thought everything was perfect. And that’s what it seemed like: perfect. But I knew none of it was real. I panicked then. What if the rest of my life was just the same? Looking perfect on the outside, but a complete lie on the inside?’ I exhaled shakily. ‘Then Henry’s mum started talking about the future. God, Willow. What she said… I couldn’t believe it. What if I spent my whole life with Henry going along with what he and his parents wanted for me, and not choosing anything for myself?’ My breaths came out faster and shallower then as I thought about how I’d almost given up everything I wanted.
And I knew why.
I was scared to be alone.
But even worse, I was scared to love.
2
‘You have to choose the life that you want,’ Willow said, nodding furiously. ‘Life is too short; we know that more than most people. And you deserve to be happy, Daisy.’
I shook my head as I wasn’t so sure about that but then I looked out of the window, catching sight of the wooden sign that declared we were turning into Birch Tree Farm. Thoughts of my wedding faded as I saw the farm again for the first time in five years.
Willow turned into the drive that was lined by beautiful birch trees, in full green bloom, swaying in the gentle, early-summer breeze as if they were directing me to somewhere safe.
‘You don’t think I’m a real bitch, do you?’ I asked Willow as she drove towards the quaint, red-bricked farmhouse ahead of us. ‘For leaving Henry pretty much at the altar?’
‘How do you feel now you’ve left?’ she asked.
‘Relieved. Like I am finally… free,’ I admitted.
‘Then you did what you had to do,’ Willow said firmly. ‘Come on, we need tea and cake, and… did you bring anything with you?’
‘No,’ I said. ‘I just… ran.’
‘Okay, don’t worry. I can lend you clothes so you can change out of that dress.’
I let out a snort. ‘That would be great, thanks.’
Willow parked her car outside the farmhouse as the door to it swung open.
Out stepped Willow’s dad and her border collie dog, followed by a handsome man I hadn’t seen before. I braced myself. I had been so nervous to come back to the farm in case it had lost all its warmth and comfort, and now I had to face all its inhabitants and their questions as to why I was a runaway bride. I tried to keep my nerves at bay but it was proving to be very difficult.
‘Are you sure about me coming in?’ I asked Willow uncertainly before she could climb out of her car. ‘You really don’t mind me turning up like this after so long?’ I bit my lip.
Willow shook her head. ‘Of course not. Daisy – we’re family. We have always loved you being here. We’ve got you. It will all be okay.’
Her words were the reassurance I desperately needed. I broke into a relieved smile. ‘Thank you, Willow.’
‘Come on.’ She jumped out and I watched as she beamed at the sight of the three people – and animal – who were clearly her favourite in the world. I realised then just how badly I had needed to hear that things would be okay.
Before I followed her, I felt my phone buzz in the pocket of my wedding dress – which had been sewn just so I could have my phone in there. Henry’s family liked me to have my phone with me at all times. I pulled it out. There were fifty-plus notifications. I gulped and opened the glove compartment, chucked my phone in, shut it up and climbed out after Willow, deciding that I couldn’t face any of what was on it just yet.
