‘You can do that here.’
‘If I can,’ I said, wondering what I even wanted to happen next. I had lost so much already and now I’d also lost the future I had thought I was going to have. Even though that had been my choice, it still left me unsure. So much had been decided for me for five years; now I needed to make decisions for myself. And that was scary.
‘Of course you can. You just need to remember the girl you were when you were here. And get her back,’ Willow replied firmly.
She made it sound so simple. I hoped she was right, but that girl had been through so much since those carefree childhood days here on the farm.
What if she had disappeared forever?
7
In the afternoon, Willow wanted to clear an area next to the strawberry fields and I offered to help. Being outside and keeping busy was doing wonders for my state of mind. I seemed to feel less worried about what was going on in my life when I focused on farm work. So, we set about clearing some of the wildflowers and weeds that had sprung up.
‘Sometimes, we’ve hired an ice cream van near to the farmhouse but I thought it would make more sense to have something out here, almost like a grand finale to the pick-your-own fields. The café you found me in when you arrived came to the pumpkin patch to serve food and drinks, and they are up for doing the same for summer. If I can convince them there will be enough visitors to make it worth their while like it was in autumn,’ Willow explained as she carried some of what we’d cleared over to her wheelbarrow and dumped it in.
‘What else did you have at your pumpkin patch then?’ I asked as I wiped my brow. The May afternoon sun was warm and this was hard work.
Willow told me all about it, and it did sound like a really fun place to visit. ‘I’m just not sure how to do it for summer as the patch was under polytunnels and I created a trail for people to walk around so they saw everything. Often, people just come out to the crop they want to pick then go home. Even if we do offer food and drink, will they stay? Maybe it will be too much work to make this into more of an experience.’ She looked downcast at the thought of abandoning her idea, though.
I paused and turned around to look back at the crop fields and the farmhouse behind them. I squinted against the sun. ‘You know, it’s kind of a large circle from the farmhouse, isn’t it? So, you could create a trail to get visitors to walk all around the fields like you did in autumn.’
Willow came over to stand beside me and look. ‘Hmm. If people parked out by the driveway then they could walk around it all and then go back this way,’ she pointed, ‘to arrive back where they started. Plus, that’s where we usually have a table and till set up to take payment for what has been picked. But maybe creating a trail would be too much work in such a short space of time.’
‘I can help. You could mark it with, I don’t know, pretty stones maybe? And signpost it all? You mentioned photo opportunities…’
‘Well, I was thinking of having props or summer scenes people would take photos with. Like what we did in autumn…’ She pulled her phone out of her pocket to show me. ‘Would you stay this week? Maybe we could do it together then. I mean, I hate to beg but I would love the help. And your idea is really great.’
I smiled, pleased that I had come up with something to help after feeling so guilty about not being there for her in the past. And the fact that she’d opened up her house to me, no questions asked.
‘Unless you feel you should go and see Henry?’ Willow asked when she saw me hesitate.
‘No,’ I said quickly. ‘I’ve turned my phone off. I told him that I need space. And I need to think. I have enjoyed today. Being with you, being outside, it’s helping me calm down. I could stay,’ I said, my heart lifting at the thought of being in this sanctuary for a few more days. I’d be able to really think about what I wanted to happen next.
Willow beamed at me. ‘I think it would be fun but more importantly, it would be a huge weight off of my shoulders. I didn’t know what to do without my summer staff and making sure Dad doesn’t take on too much, and with Dylan focusing on his project?—’
‘Willow,’ I cut in. ‘You’re worrying about everyone but yourself.’
She shrugged. ‘I can’t help it. We came so close to losing the farm, I want to come up with things that make certain that won’t happen again, you know?’
That settled it. I had left Willow and her dad alone for the past five years, but they were my only family. I had to help them now. And selfishly, everything I’d left behind in the city was such a mess that I was happy to leave it all for as long as possible. ‘I can stay and help you this week,’ I said. ‘I want to help.’
Willow rushed over and pulled me in for a hug. ‘Plus, Birch Tree Farm has never failed to help someone in need,’ she said as she pulled back to smile at me.
I raised an eyebrow. ‘You think I’m in need?’
‘Well, yeah, Daisy – you seem so different. So lost. There was a reason you came back to the farm now. I can feel it. You need the farm as much as it needs you.’
‘It isn’t a person,’ I said with a laugh. I didn’t want to admit it out loud but it was nice to have someone truly care about me again.
‘But only if it’s what you want. I don’t want to decide anything for you,’ she added quickly.
‘I know,’ I assured her. Willow was nothing like Henry or his parents. I could see how worried she was about me. And everything she loved in her life. It felt good to be included in that despite pulling away from her. I realised that even though I’d been gone for five years, I cared about Willow and her uncle and this farm as much as I ever had. I was so scared of losing people and things I loved. I had tried so hard for five years to keep up a wall around me.
But Willow wasn’t about to let that stick. Being back on the farm, it already felt like that wall was crumbling. Because I did love my family, and this place, and I would be devastated if I lost any of them. So, I needed to do my best to make sure that didn’t happen.
‘I want this, Willow,’ I told her then. ‘I shouldn’t have stayed away for so long. You’re right, I have been lost. But I don’t know. I already feel a bit better about things. Maybe you’re right – this place will be good for me.’
‘It will,’ she promised.
