I hesitated. I didn’t know what to do. But I knew I wasn’t ready to talk to him just yet.
I need some time alone, okay? Some space while I sort my head out. I’ll be in touch soon.
I sent the message then turned off my phone so I wouldn’t see any more notifications, and put it on the table by the bed. Then I curled up into a ball and finally I was able to drift off to sleep.
6
When I finally woke up the following morning, the farmhouse was empty. Coffee had been left in the pot for me and there was homemade bread by the Aga with butter and jam plus a fruit bowl so I had a quick breakfast, showered and pulled on the same outfit as yesterday. Then I went in search of my cousin, needing to take my mind off of the fact that my life suddenly was completely different today.
Willow was leaving the barn with faithful Maple, carrying a bucket. She wore denim shorts too but with wellies and a long cardigan slung over her T-shirt. And her hair was in a messy bun. She waved me over when she spotted me. ‘How did you sleep?’
‘Actually, I slept well in the end. I looked at the messages on my phone from Henry and his parents,’ I said as I fell into step with her, giving Maple a pat as she wagged her tail excitedly. ‘He asked if I was safe so I said I was here and needed some time and space. I suppose I didn’t really think what would happen after I left yesterday. Like, what do I do next?’
I looked around the farm. The hazy morning light made it look even prettier. Birds sang from the birch trees. There was no city noise out here. It was peaceful. Usually, I woke up feeling jittery for the day ahead. My mind started listing a hundred things I needed to do. I never felt rested.
But this morning, I didn’t feel tired. I didn’t have a to-do list. It was disconcerting. I was confused and unsure about what lay ahead for me. But there was also a part of me that was glad to be out of my routine. That wanted to embrace this change.
‘I get that must be scary. But maybe it’s also a bit exciting too?’ Willow asked as if she could read my thoughts. ‘I find nothing helps me make decisions or come up with ideas more than being out here. Keeping busy doing manual things has always soothed my mind.’
‘Is this your way of saying I should make myself useful?’ I joked with her.
She smiled but then a frown took over as we reached the chickens. ‘I woke up early a bit worried about the summer season. Our usual staff can’t come this year – a mixture of finishing studies, going travelling, taking other jobs – but it means there is a lot for us to do to get things ready to open for the pick-your-own season. It’s usually our busiest time although last autumn, we had a big influx of visitors to our pumpkin patch.’
I smiled. ‘You sent me a photo of that, didn’t you? It looked so cute. Did you have help for that?’
‘Well, a lot of the town ended up helping out. But I had Dylan and Dad working with me. I don’t want to put pressure on my dad to help too much this summer, though. And Dylan will have to split his time between the farm and the cottage renovations.’ She slipped inside the chicken enclosure and scattered their feed from the bucket.
‘Has Uncle Adam’s arthritis got worse?’ I asked as I followed her inside. ‘Can I do anything?’
‘Can you collect any eggs, please?’ She pointed out a basket that I picked up and I ducked inside the pen to hunt for eggs. ‘Yeah, he signed the farm over to me, actually.’
‘Wow. That’s what you’ve always wanted,’ I said as I crouched down to find the eggs in the hay, something I didn’t think would have been in my plans for today. I was supposed to be waking up in a room at our wedding venue next to my husband and then off to our honeymoon later in the Maldives.
Willow came over and smiled. ‘It is. He did it because he is struggling to do manual labour now. And we were in trouble last year, to be honest. I was worried we’d lose the farm. But the pumpkin patch allowed us to clear our debts and carry us through the quiet winter.’ Her smiled faded and she frowned again. ‘We need to make sure that success carries on this summer, though, just in case. We are due to open in June for people to pick fruit and vegetables and I had big plans to make it more of an event like the pumpkin patch but now I might have to scale it back. I need to move the pumpkins I’ve sowed indoors outside so they can grow ready for autumn and this year’s pumpkin patch. But with less help, I don’t know if I can do all that I had planned.’ She bit her lip and I could see she was unsure what to do.
‘You can’t put the renovation of the cottages on hold?’ I asked as I carried the basket of eggs out.
‘It’s all booked in. I’d feel too bad taking work away from local traders. But I want Dad to start his retirement soon like we all planned.’ She sighed. ‘Sorry, is this too much farm talk for you?’
‘Of course not. You’ve listened to my problems!’ I brought the eggs over. ‘So, what do you do next?’
‘Let’s go out to the crop fields and check everything is being watered properly and nothing has been damaged overnight. I usually do a lap around everything in the morning,’ Willow said. ‘If you’re sure you want to come? I was only joking about helping out.’
‘I’m happy to,’ I assured her. ‘It’ll take my mind off of worrying about the future. Plus, I can earn my keep.’
We laughed and dropped off the eggs into the farmhouse. We passed the cottages and I saw Dylan and Blake talking with a builder. They both waved and I thought back to bumping into Blake last night. I found myself telling Willow all about it.
She chuckled. ‘He thought there was a carjacker out here?’
I smiled. ‘Yeah. I’m glad we cleared the air a bit. Sounds like he’s pretty cut up about his ex. I hope Henry isn’t feeling just as bad.’
‘He’s going to have wounds to lick, I’m sure,’ Willow said. ‘But hopefully, he will see that it was the right thing for you both in the end?’
I nodded. ‘That would be good. I hate hurting anyone. He probably hates me right now.’ That felt strange. Although I wasn’t sure Henry had real feelings thanks to the wall I kept up to keep him out, I also didn’t want him to think badly of me. We had spent almost five years together. I did want him to be okay.
‘I think you need to remember why you left. You said he didn’t let you have any say in the wedding, and planned your future without you… He has to realise that was wrong,’ Willow said as we walked around the farmhouse out to the crop fields, beginning with the sunflowers that were curled up to face the morning sun.
I wasn’t sure Henry had ever admitted he was wrong but I didn’t say anything. It was nice that Willow was on my side but it didn’t stop me feeling terrible for telling Henry how I felt so late. ‘So, what did you want to do differently for this pick-your-own season?’
