I shake my head. “That doesn’t make sense. Why is the old one still available, printed nice and tidily on the table?”
“Because I have to reference older drafts when I rewrite them. That’s all.” He walks toward the dining room, gesturing for me to follow him.
He looks so sure of himself. That I would just run toward him, like a naïve puppy. It hits me then. That’s how he sees me now. Like a puppy. Like achild. Just like when he first saw me at the wedding, little animals in my arms, and he lectured me as though I were eleven years old.
Even if he’s written something new. Something truthful. Hewent into this agreement in bad faith. Heknewhe had planned on making me look insane. Even if he’d changed his mind because he slept with me. Does this mean we are one bad argument—this one bad argument, even—away from him thinking I’m insane again? Is that the kind of man he is?
I look down and take a deep, shuddering breath, willing myself to not burst into tears. “You cried the night William had the flu and you thought it was pneumonia.”
Adam glances up at me. “I’m sorry?”
“Right there. You sat in his chair and wept. Your face turns pink when you cry. Did you know that?” I point toward where William is. He’s still watching. Still listening. “And you use your wrists to wipe away your tears. It made me wonder if that’s how you cried since you were a little boy.”
Adam shakes his head and peers at me. “How did you—”
“And in the mornings, when you wake up, you always, always stretch everything. Even your toes. And then you drink a whole glass of water before breakfast. That’s your routine. I don’t even know if you know it, but that’s what you do.” I swallow. My voice is somehow steady still, even as tears run down my face. “And you have several books on love letters.”
Adam shakes his head. “I—they—those books have been in storage for a long, long time.”
“I know. I was there when you put them in there.”
“No you weren’t. You were—” Adam pauses. “When I moved my stuff here into storage, when Gramps was sick. That was around three years ago. You were…you were missing then.”
“I was a ghost, Adam. I saw all manner of things.” I close my eyes. “I had the biggest crush on you. When I was a spirit. And that one day, you had that girl over…the one with the black hair and the nose ring. You came here to check on William and makesure he was still breathing. You looked at me. You looked at me twice that night and I thought that meant that somehow we were connected. That if I had lived, you would be mine.” Okay, well. My steady voice is now obliterated. I try to take shaky breaths between my sentences, but it’s difficult with all the sobbing. “The things you doubt…the things that have happened to me that make you want to call me crazy…are the very things that brought us together. It’s what you made a goddamn list about, remember? Those eyes you saw, watching you. They were my eyes.” I push the tears from my face furiously. “Isn’t that something? Isn’t that some shit?”
Adam shakes his head firmly. “Sky, you just need to see what I’m working on now. Then you’ll know—”
“No. Because that won’t stop me from knowing how a part of you will always see me.”
We all turn our heads when scratching and banging begins at the door. It’s loud. Whatever it is, it’sbig.
“What in the hell is that?” William stands up. “Don’t open it till I get my gun.”
I close my eyes and hold up my hand. “Don’t. It’s just Lily.”
“Who the hell is Lily?”
I open the door and even through my tears, I smile. “Lily’s a bear.”
She’s sitting on her hind legs. She must’ve felt my distress. The animals always do. I don’t know how, but they always have.
“Jesus! Shut the door, girl! I’ll get my gun!” William begins to dart away again.
“William! No. She’s—” It’s not accurate but I can’t think of a quicker way to make him understand. “She’s a friend. A really large, furry, kind friend.” I open the door wider and scratch her head. “See?”
William stares and then announces, “I’m going to bed. I’ve seen enough for today.”
As he walks toward his bedroom, Adam approaches. “Sky—”
“Don’t you dare come closer,” I say to him, and the tone of my voice makes Lily growl. Adam freezes. “I’ve said all I need to say to you.”
If Lily were a horse, I’d have gotten on her back and ridden into the dark woods as my smooth, cool exit. But she’s not. So when I make my way out the door, I tell her I’m okay. I give her a big hug and encourage her to stay away from humans for a while, especially these humans. I’m not convinced about William and his gun. In fact, I think, given his health, Adam needs to confiscate it. But I don’t want to see Adam right now. Everything hurts so much, I think if he offers to let me read the newest version of his article, I might break and do it. And I can’t let myself forget that this man will always be half-convinced that I’m not quite right, that I’m downright insane. And that is unacceptable.
After Lily has disappeared into the brush, I get in my car and park at Nadia’s, pretending Adam hasn’t been watching me the whole time from the window like a creeper. I pretend like I don’t have plans to do exactly that once I’m inside. The best view of the Noemis’ is from my old room. I thought it was synchronistic, considering my huge crush on Adam, and then later, my concern for William’s well-being. But now it just feels kind of pathetic. How much time I wasted, watching from my room once I returned. Including right now.
I guess I expect that the lights would go out in the house, one by one, like they normally do at bedtime. But instead they stay on. I see their figures by the window here and there, either directly or their dark gray silhouettes. It looks like they’re fighting and I hate that I’m so worried about them. I’m scared I’m going tosee William wielding a big gun soon, so I can’t tear away until it seems like all is calm.
But things just…escalate, I guess, though thankfully sans gun. The front door opens and Adam rushes out. My heart drops when I see a big duffel bag slung over his shoulder. William marches out, yelling things I can’t make out from all the way over here. Adam shouts things back, waving his arms about. William keeps talking to him, lifting a fist in the air as Adam packs the bag into his Jeep. There’s one more yelling match before Adam gets in the car and…drives away.
