Okay, so it wasn’t intercourse—yet—but I’ve been researching, and everything we did could totally be considered sex. Defining intercourse as the only way to have sex is completely heteronormative and even ableist.
I run to the bathroom to pee as quick as possible, and after washing my hands, I grab my phone and text my sisters in the group chat:
Adam and I totally just did stuff!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I look over my message and realize that could literally mean anything. Before I can add any clarification, I hear his footfalls make it up the stairs, and I quickly put my phone back on my nightstand, grab a sap green knitted throw blanket from where I’d draped it on the headboard, and cover myself just as he walks inside.
He does a double take when he sees me clutching the blanket to myself and says, “Is everything okay?”
“I—yes? I just realized how completely naked I am. And you—you’re completely dressed! That’s a bit odd, isn’t it?”
He smiles warmly and shuts the door with his foot behind him. “Considering what we just did to each other…plus the fact that I’m not comfortable wandering your aunt’s house in the nude…not that odd, I’d say.” In his arms are the carafe of cold water I always keep in the fridge—hydration is important—and two tall pink plastic cups with built-in curly straws.
“Where did you find those cups?” I jump up to help him geteverything on the nightstand that doesn’t have my phone charging on it. “I’m pretty sure the last time I saw those, Sage was trying to convince me and Teal to drink green smoothies when we were tweens.”
“They were just in the cupboard,” he says. “You want something else instead?”
“No, this is fine.” I pour water for us and sit back on the bed, the blanket still wrapped around me the whole while. He joins me, and after a few sips, he takes my feet in his hands and begins to rub them, digging his thumbs into all the sore bits I never knew were so tense. “Wow. That feels so good. Thank you.”
“It’s my pleasure.”
I lean back against the mountain of pillows I always stack at the headboard and close my eyes. “Adam?”
“Yeah?”
“Are we…I mean.” My face begins to heat. God. The last thing I want to do is sound like a little kid in front of Adam, but I feel like that’s exactly what I want to ask resembles. And yet. I need to know. “In the spirit of direct communication. We’re together now, right? This isn’t temporary for you, is it?”
He runs a hand through the scruff on his face. “Like I said. I’m not doing this right if you can ask me things like that.” He lets go of my foot with his other hand and sits beside me on the bed. “I want you to be my girlfriend. But if you want this to be a temporary fling—”
“I don’t,” I cut in quickly. “I want you to be mine, too.”
He grins in such an open, joyful way that I can’t help smiling in return. He kisses me gently and leans back against the pillows again, placing an arm around my shoulders, nudging me to lie against his warm chest.
It’s now well into the evening. The light coming in throughthe windows is so long and deep ocher, making the shadows look all the darker and all the bluer. The sky through the balcony French doors is pale baby blue with the slightest hint of honey, foreshadowing the oncoming sunset.
“Why did you stop dating women?” I ask him.
“What do you mean?” His mouth is kissing my shoulder in an almost lazy manner. His words come out garbled, and I laugh.
“That tickles.” He pulls back and I say, “You said you hadn’t been with someone in two years…? Right?”
“Right. I did say that.”
I wait for more of an answer, but it doesn’t come. “It’s okay if you don’t want to say.” I turn toward him. “I’m just always curious about everything all the time. But you can tell me if you’re not comfortable with a question anytime.”
“It’s not that. It’s just a lot to put into words, I guess.” He meets my gaze. “My mother died two years ago.”
I inhale sharply. “Adam. I’m so sorry. I know that William had mentioned it—”
Adam laughs. “Yeah, William has always been a big blabbermouth. I mean, you should know by now.”
I nod. That man is not interested in polite society or propriety or anything like that. Sometimes I wonder how he found a wife to put up with him for so long. My conclusion was he must’ve been a lot sweeter to her than he was to anyone else.
“She had a heart attack. She actually survived the initial cardiac arrest, but didn’t make it when they did emergency surgery.” Adam sighs. “She kept begging me to come down and visit her and my siblings in the whole year leading up to her death. I didn’t come. Not once.”
“You couldn’t have known,” I say gently.
“I could have been better regardless. A better son. A bettersibling.” He sighs. “My sisters really let me have it during the funeral.”
