We walk with a couple of feet between us on the trail, in silence for a few minutes, when he says, “I was wondering if you could give me contact information for your sisters. So I can interview them for the piece.”
I’m not sure how I feel about this. I mean, I should’ve known it was coming. Any kind of article like this always has interviewswith the subject’s inner circle. But I wince when I imagine Teal turning it around on him, to find out his intentions with me or whatever. I’ll have to talk to her beforehand and make sure she knows that would be overstepping. “Sure. Let me let them know first, and then I can give you their info.” I glance at him. “You…haven’t asked me anything about…you know. My experience. Since we were last here…”
“And I was an enormous ass to you. I remember.” He nods. “Whenever you’re comfortable. I can ask a few more questions. I promise I’ll be…” He takes in a brief but shuddering breath. “I’ll be nice.”
“Thank you,” I say as I duck under a low evergreen branch.
Adam shakes his head. “Thanking me for being nice.” He chuckles. “Like I said, Sky. You deserve so much better.”
19
We don’t say anything asthe path turns from packed dirt and fallen leaves to sand the color of sparkling champagne, and then we enter the threshold to Crescent Beach. It’s an unbearably glorious day. The blue of the sky is as vivid as Adam’s eyes, and it’s filled with whipped-cream clouds that lazily drift by over us. “No one is here?” I ask, looking around.
“They’re all probably grabbing lunch first to bring in their picnic baskets,” Adam says, taking my hand and pulling me toward the shore. At a nice, smooth spot of sand, he sets down a big old quilt. I have a seat on it and begin to put sunscreen on my arms, my legs, my chest. Adam watches intently until…he doesn’t. He whips his gaze away from me and forces it onto the skyline, the muscles in his neck tense.
Round objects, I tell myself.
“I’m going to do some laps,” he tells me, pulling his shirt over his head.
And…oh.
Now I’m the one trying to force my gaze away.
Only it’s not happening.
His body is smooth. His shoulders wide. He has a hint of a belly between the cuts in his hips. His body is lean and soft at once, with dark auburn hair on his chest and trailing down to…ahem. Lower. His arms look strong, and I want to feel his bare chest over mine. The thought comes so fast and true that it echoes almost painfully in my mind. The image of me, in bed, and Adam’s chest hair sliding against my breasts.
Thankfully Adam is kicking off his shoes, so he doesn’t see me with my jaw dropped open like I’m seeing another human for the first time in my existence. “Want to join?”
I shake my head wordlessly, then clear my throat when I see him tilt his head at me. Am I blushing? Oh gods. I think I’m blushing again. “I’m going to sunbathe for a little while first.”
“Sounds good.” He walks up to the water, the freckles on his back visible in the light, wading in the water for a bit before diving in. I watch as his arms appear and slice into the skin of sea, over and over.
I sit and come to a number of stressful conclusions about what just occurred. One, my reaction to seeing Adam without his shirt on provoked a great deal of erotic thoughts. Acknowledging these thoughts means I have to accept that I have a crush on him again. I lay a hand on my belly, where the blue-winged moths have once again descended, making me feel like if there were only a handful more of them, they’d lift me right off the sand.
I look up at the clouds—puffy, white, the texture of whipped marshmallow carefully laid over hot cocoa. I wonder how long I’ve had my feelings for Adam rekindled. This happens to me a lot—I don’t often understand my emotions until the reality ofwhat I’m feeling punches me right in the heart, like what happened just now. My instinct is to get up and pace the beach, analyzing my situation. Make a pros and cons list of whether it’s wise to have feelings for Adam at all. Instead, I keep my gaze on the clouds as they march by, soft and satiny-looking.I’m at the beach, I remind myself.I can just enjoy myself now, and analyze as much as I’d like later.
Once I feel calm enough, I push up onto my feet and approach the water. I sigh when the foamy wave rushes up, over my feet. It’s warm today, thank the old gods. I walk in, deeper and deeper, until the water is at my shoulders, and I feel as weightless as though I were a ghost, suspended in midair.
I’m not sure where Adam is—somewhere farther out, to my right, I think—so I just close my eyes and let myself feel this ocean. Feel it with my gift, meaning I tap into whatever magic in our lineage connects us with these powers. The whole ocean isalive. This great, alive water-being is full of creatures who do not see themselves as separate from the water, and just a handful who do. There is a sea turtle in the distance, her shell wide enough for a human to curl up on. There are schools of fish all around me, murmuring like starlings in the sky. And maybe twenty feet away is a sand tiger shark, the water slinking over her smooth skin like wind.
The sound of water sloshing has me opening my eyes to Adam, appearing in front of me, salt water sliding down his body in a way that makes me think about licking him, and then feeling vaguely horrified by the impulse. “Hey,” he says, smiling and wiping his eyes.
I clear my throat. I’m a little nervous because of what happened the last time I told him about my gift…but I’m so tired of hiding myself. With him, with everyone…I even hidemyselffrommyselfsometimes. I wonder if that’s why I still have a hard time feeling like I belong in my own skin. Either way, I’m tired of it. I’m tired of keeping everything I am hidden away all the time.
“Do you want to pet a shark?” I ask him.
His eyes widen and he looks around. “There’s a fucking shark here?”
“She’s not that close.”
He slides through the water and puts an arm around my waist, pulling me toward the shore. “Adam!” I laugh, pulling his arm off me. “She’s a sand tiger shark. They don’t attack humans.”
“But I’m guessing they still have rows of sharp teeth in their mouths that they could use to bite a limb or two off.” He grabs my hand now.
“Adam. Ifyouwant to leave, fine. But I’m going to pet her.” I canfeelthat she’s friendly. That her nervous system would like it if I gently touched her. She’s just waiting for me to sayokay.
Adam’s gaze is serious. “I’m not leaving you. But I also really don’t like sharks, Sky.”
