I sit back on my bed and try to think of an opener that’s both philosophical and mind-blowing. But none of the questions that come to me are either of these things. The most “mind-blowing” one isHave you ever eaten ass before?Which I am legitimately curious about! But I don’t think either of us is ready for that kind of a conversation. Or at least I’m not. I jumped the gun with sexting with Grayson Baker on the local dating app, and look where that got me.
Finally, I typeHave you ever been in love?
As soon as I hit the send button, I regret it immediately. When I ask questions, it’s because I want to know the answers. But I’ve discovered that many people think questions have all kinds of hidden meanings and agendas. My mind goes through every possibility I can think of, as far as his interpreting this question. The worst suggestion that arrives is that I sound like a lovestruck teenager, hoping he’ll confess that he’s realized he’s in love withme.
I’m so horrified, I wonder frantically if I can unsend it and ask him about eating ass instead.
I toss my phone on the bed, stand, and rush to the bathroom. I brush my teeth. I smooth sunshine-colored serums and grape-scented moisturizer on my face. I slip on a ruby-red satin nightgownTeal left behind when she moved in with her husband, Carter. It’s the softest article of clothing I own, which means it’s quite high in value with regard to my whole wardrobe. Sure, I own a Chanel suit, and a vintage Hermès pencil skirt, butsoftnessis currency for me, as far as materials that must be held against my skin. I’m constantly removing hanging tags, and sometimes have smooth liners put in dresses by a tailor Amá Sonya frequents, all so they can be wearable. It’s a treasure when a piece of clothing is perfectly silky as is, no adjustments needed.
I get in bed, brace myself, and pick up the phone again. Dammit, there’s a new notification from @tryingsomethingnew.
I wince, tapping the app open. But his response isn’t at all what I had feared.
@tryingsomethingnew:I really want you to like me, so I want to say yes. But I’m afraid not. I’ve had a lot of flings, to be honest, nothing serious or long enough to develop those kinds of feelings.
@salt&seagirl:Oh. Well, I’d rather you be honest with me than tell me what you think I want to hear, anyway. I’ve never been in love, either. Um…do you ever want to be in love? You think?
@tryingsomethingnew:Hmm. I used to think not, based on my parents’ really fucked-up relationship. But after spending a lot of time with my grandparents, I think that if I could have what they had…yeah, falling in love sounds like it could be really amazing. You?
I sink into the bed even deeper, wondering if I should be honest with him. I don’t want to scare him off. But it would behypocritical of me to say I appreciate his truthfulness and then refrain from it myself. I take a deep breath and begin typing.
@salt&seagirl:My sisters have recently met and married the loves of their lives, and I’ve been wanting the same for myself. Their partners like…support them. Laugh at their jokes. They really *see* them for who they are, you know? I would love that.
@tryingsomethingnew:Yeah, seeing a relationship work in the way it’s meant to. It definitely makes you long for something that’s always felt out of reach for one reason or another.
@salt&seagirl:Yes!! That is the perfect way to describe it! It feels out of reach, especially considering—I swallow and make another commitment to the truth—you know, that my life has been really strange, and that’s ultimately made *me* really strange, and all of that mixed with my imperfections and faults…imagining someone not just accepting all of that but also *loving* it, because it’s a part of me? *faints* lol
@tryingsomethingnew:That is definitely the important part. Being loved fully, even the strangest parts, the pieces of you that no one else seems to understand. Too often relationships begin with an idealized version of the other, not the truth of who they are, you know?
@salt&seagirl:What makes you strange? If you don’t mind my asking?
@tryingsomethingnew:Oh…let’s see. Hmm. Sometimes I watch people and participate in poor man’sprophecy. I don’t know if you’ve heard of that before, but I listen for whatever snippets of conversation I can hear, then I try and interpret them as fortune-telling. I don’t know anyone else who does that, tbh. What about you, what makes you strange?
@salt&seagirl:I DO THAT TOO OMG
@salt&seagirl:I read about it in an old book at my work! Ancient Greeks used to practice this form of fortune-telling! I knew my sister was pregnant because a lady at the store was clutching a bunch of herbs (that share my sister’s name) and joking about them all having babies (because they were harvested with a bunch of sprouts!)
@tryingsomethingnew:That’s amazing. I’ve never heard anything quite that accurate and specific before.
@tryingsomethingnew:Still, this is quite the coincidence. Seems like we’re strange peas in a pod then, you and me.
@salt&seagirl:
A few days later, aftergoing through what felt like an endless pile of books for categorizing for the Codex Restoration Project at work, I decide, as a little treat, to get some Oreos and a too-sweet hazelnut coffee from the vending machines in the main building, and then settle back into my dungeon, opening my super secret desk drawer filled with evidence that Cranberry has hosted and may still very well host some type of cult.
I pull out my scrapbook and look over the materials with a pen in hand. I spent so long gathering them that I really haven’tallowed myself to figure out what I’m looking at, exactly. So now I begin making a list of patterns:
Potential evidence of Cranberry Witch(?) Cult
Woman-centered
The number thirteen (as far as women in cult)
