“Beg. I want to hear you beg again.”
I moan, because hearing him demand it is such a wild turn-on.
“Beg me to make you come, Teal.”
“Please. Carter, please, please, make me come. Please—”
He lifts my hips—again, gently, glancing back to make sure my foot is still on the pillow—and when he lowers his mouth to me, this time, it’s to slip his tongue inside me.
I gasp and my next moan is silent. He’stongue-fuckingme. I didn’t know people did this in real life. While his tongue licks me inside, he reaches up with his fingers, and pinches my clit. Hard. I’m so slippery that what happens is he slides all over me, somehow in all the right ways, and my body arches up as I moan.
I come so hard, I swear I see the Milky Way, swirling in a great cosmic spiral, right here in this bedroom. It’s either the longest orgasm in history, or about five of them all rolling into one another. I’ve never felt anything like it, not even when it’s just me and my vibrator, which is pretty much the only way I can come.
I’ve never believed women when they said it felt like their soul left their bodies during sex. Now I do.
“Oh my God,” I whisper because I still can’t believe that happened. Carter leans back, his mouth wet and smiling. It’s hot. It’s so hot I feel another surge of arousal, even so soon after that epic orgasm.
I can’t believe how good he is at that, which makes me consider how else he’s good. “Do you have a condom?” I ask, not at all hiding my desperation.
Carter’s smile at my pleasure, at my seemingly endless orgasm, drops immediately. “We’re not doing that, Teal. I told you the other day.”
“What?” I almost jump out of my bed, but remembering the pain of my foot, I settle for sitting upright. “What do you mean, we’re not doing that? Shouldn’t you—” I glance down where he’s not even trying to hide how hard he is. His erection should probably be painful by now.
He shakes his head. “This was about making you feel good, remember?”
“But now I can make you feel good.”
“No, Teal. This was about you.”
That’s what I said, wasn’t it? That I needed to feel good. But that wasn’t really what this was about. It was about us getting it out of our systems. It was about me doing this and being cured of wanting more from Carter, because if I wanted him forever, itwould just be painful forever, knowing he couldn’t ever want me in return. Knowing he didn’t want a broken woman for his for-real wife.
“You…” Carter begins. He turns away from me. “I don’t think I want you the same way you want me right now.”
My heart feels like it’s dropped to my belly. It’s like he heard all my worst thoughts about us, about me, and decided to confirm them in a single statement. I turn over. “Fine. I’m going to sleep.”
He sighs as he stands. “Teal—”
“I’m going to sleep, Carter.”
After a few moments, he sighs once more, and then he leaves, shutting the door softly behind him.
In the morning, Carter isgone, the only signs that he had been up the blanket left curled up like a cat on the pull-out, plus the lingering scent of coffee and toast in the kitchen.
For a single, groggy moment, after limping around and not seeing him, I think maybe he has left me. Even though it makes no sense—this is his house, we’re still married, where would he go?—but the suspicion hits my stomach like a blade. When I see the note scrawled on the counter, I exhale in embarrassing relief.
Gotta work today. Please stay off your foot. Have a bagel or cereal for breakfast and heat up leftovers for lunch. Don’t move too much. Don’t even THINK about running. Ice and elevation. Don’t cook. I’ll bring home dinner. —C
Tears sting at my eyes and I put my arms on the counter, taking some of the weight off my now-dominant foot. Am I always going to think that someone will leave me after a bad day? Willthe trauma of Mama abandoning me cling to me forever, like the weight of battered armor I didn’t ask for?
I need to find her. I need to fix this, fix my brain, my emotions,me.
As the egg bagel toasts, I grab cream cheese, a knife, and my phone. I drag a stool next to the toaster and hit up Gerald Samuels’s number.
“Samuels,” he says when he picks up.
“Hi, Gerald. It’s Teal Flores here. Just calling to see if you had any updates.”
His responding sigh tells me even before he uses his words. “So far, my team and I have done a thorough electronic search of your mom. We’ve used our usual means, but they’ve turned up very little leads.”
