I don’t know where Nadiaand Sky are. I didn’t ask on the phone when I saw that neither of their cars was here. But I’m glad the house is empty. Because there’s something shaking inside me, something I can’t let anyone see.
I walk up the stairs, practically limping like after a particularly grueling run. Only I haven’t run at all. My bones are tired. They ache. And there’s an imperceptible trembling in my limbs. If I ran now, I would collapse. I’m sure of it.
Instead, I climb into bed and pull the covers as high, basically up to my eyes.
And then I let those eyes water. I let them sting and glisten till the salt water spills.
It’s stupid. It’s so stupid but sometimes, I have too bad a day and I can’t run it off. I have to cry.
Even as the clouds outside bleed with dark colors right before my eyes, as though someone tapped the sky with deep, dark,dripping watercolors. Indigo. Midnight blue. The deepest moonlight gray.
The wind picks up and it sounds like the howls of wolves. Some of those howls end in a whine, a sound of raw despair, and it makes me cry harder.
I can’t believe what happened today. I can’t believe Leilani dumped me, just like that.
I know this is the only time I’m going to give myself to cry over her. I’m too bone-tired to try to stuff the feelings inside some interior compartment. So I let my shoulders shake. I wipe my snotty nose on my T-shirt. I gasp and hiccup and just weep and weep.
I told Lani almost ten years ago about my gift. Aboutourgifts.
And all this time, she thought I was a delusional narcissist.
I trusted her. I loved her.
And she threw me away like garbage.
I cry for what feels like hours, and the weather cries with me. I almost feel it like a mother. The clouds seeping in through the crack of my window. The fog filling the air of my bedroom, a humid, cool hand upon my shoulder.
I think about what Carter had me do.Listen to the water in the tree, Teal.Why did he have me do that? Why did it help?
With these questions in my mind, I fall into a deep, rain-dripped sleep.
9
“This.” Amá Sonya lifts askirt suit that looks like it’s made of pure silk, in the color of seafoam.
I barely glance up from my phone. We’ve been shopping with Amá for literal hours. I’m not saying it’s the worst thing ever, but if there were a hell, it would look very similar to this scenario: me, having already picked out a few outfits for hopefully job hunting (as well as a few dresses to give to Sage, who missed this trip ’cause of work), all in Amá-approved designers. Amá, not letting us eat lunch until we find clothes for Sky, too. And Sky deciding to be the most indecisive young woman in human history when it comes to her rich-ass grandmother spoiling her with a new wardrobe.
I glance at the skirt suit once more. “That will literally get dirty the moment I sit down for a meal.”
“This isn’t for eating in, Teal Alegría. It’s for meetings. Appointments.” She gives me a long glare. “Courthouse weddings.”
I keep my sigh inside. “I know you’re mad we’re doing it at the courthouse—”
“Mad?” Amá grits her teeth and crosses her arms. “Do I look mad to you?” She’s baring her fangs like a serpent.
“Uhh—”
“It’s just that you’re the first grandchild to get married, and you want to do it at the courthouse? Do you know how that looks? Everyone’s going to think you’re—” She looks around and whispers, “With child.”
I can’t help rolling my eyes, even though I know that will just make her madder. “Sage is the one who is pregnant.”
“Sí, and she will be bursting out of her wedding dress! Getting married in September, giving birth in November! Two granddaughters pregnant before marriage, what will everyone say?”
“But I’m not pregnant, Amá. You know that, right? I’ve never even—” I stop myself. I can’t believe I was about to tell my elderly grandmother that I’ve never had sex with the man I’m going to marry tomorrow.
Amá furrows her brow. “Teal? Are you—” She lowers her voice. “Pure?”
It takes a lot of effort to not burst out into laughter. Thankfully, at that moment, Sky stomps out of the fitting room.
