When the ladies start to dissipate, Lani looks my way, her face contorted with horror. “Teal,” she hisses, pulling me away from Carter. “Why is everyone acting like I’m covered in excrement?”
I make my face as blank as I can. “Aw, Lani. Maybe you didn’t focus enough on the love of the universe today.”
Her cheeks grow pink and I can see her figuring things out. But I honestly don’t care anymore. She’s more than welcome to not be my friend, if that’s what she wants. But if she thinks she can kick me while she’s on her way out the door, she’s got another think coming.
“I knew you’d be a child about this,” she hisses, gathering up all her things in one angry motion. “I knew it would be too much for you to act like a fully functional adult.”
“Wow.” I furrow my brow. “That sounds like a lot of negative energy you’ve got inside you right now. Maybe you should talk to your guardian angel again. Detoxify your aura. Take a break from therealworld, with all theserealfeelings.”
Leilani straightens, her eyes on me full of rage. I know she wants to erupt. She wants to scream and stomp her feet. It would be so good of her to actually let a single negative emotion express itself.
But she can’t. That would be toounspiritual. Because to Leilana, spirituality is about putting on a mask of pleasantness and pretending nothing ever bothers her. And I am so annoyed with myself for it taking this long for me to see that her entire personality is a fragile shell made up of essential oils, crystals, and variations of the phrase,There’s nothing but love in this world, right?
So, no, she doesn’t express any of her real emotions. But I suppose she’s not above revenge, either, because instead she says, “I’m going to cancel our table for the rest of the season. For this.” And then she walks away.
I’m consoled by the fact that there’s no way she’s making it to her Lexus without someone asking her if she’s okay since she last shit herself.
I sit back in mychair with a sigh, and Carter takes Lani’s seat.
“What are you thinking?” he asks.
“I’m thinking there goes my entire income.” Lani forgot one of her new ugly bookmarks on our table, and I turn it over and over in my hand as I try to figure this new mess out.
Carter frowns. “What about Cranberry Fitness?”
I shake my head. “That…I don’t work there anymore.” And I’m not in the mood to explain it. I guess Carter senses this because he doesn’t ask. I run a hand over my face. “There’s no way I can afford to rent a table for the rest of the season.” Well, I guess I could, but there’s no way I can make enough to cover the rental costs, plus my share of the groceries, plus my car payment and insurance, plus my phone…
And the dahlias I promised Sage for her wedding, which she had assured me cost in the thousands. I’m pretty sure she’s exaggerating, but even if they were only a few hundred dollars, I wouldn’t be able to keep that promise. And I need to.
“I can cover you.” Carter says this after a long moment of watching me lose my shit. Figuratively, unlike what everyone thinks is happening to Lani right now.
I have my hands covering my face. I’m glad Carter can’t see my expression right now. If he could, he’d know how hard I was trying to not accept his offer.
Old, Selfish Teal would. Without a single moment of hesitation.
I’ve taken a lot from people offering in good faith. I’ve taken money and presents from Nadia, even when I knew Sage needed it more. I’ve let Carter buy every meal and drink we’ve shared over the years. I’ve let Amá Sonya try to buy my affections, even though she says all she’s doing is trying to make at least one of her granddaughters appear respectable.
And in return, I’ve turned away and pushed away the people in my life I love the most.
I can’t keep doing that. I can’t let everyone give me everything I need without offering them a single wholesome thing in return.
Is faking being married wholesome? Maybe objectively not. But Carter needs this. And I want to be able to give him something he needs, too. Not just the other way around.
I pull my hands from my face and tell Carter, “Let’s do it.”
He sputters. His face, ears, and neck turn a bright pink. “What?” His hands are clutching the table for dear life. “Here?”
I look around. “I mean, we could, but I don’t see an ordained minister, do you?”
“Oh. Right.” He loosens his fists and runs his fingers through his hair. Then he blinks. “So you—you’re serious? You want to get married?”
I nod. “Yeah. I mean, I would still get a cut, right?”
“Yeah. Of course. However much you want, it’s yours. And we could rent you a table here, and get that PI for…you know.”
I shake my head. “I don’t know if I need that PI yet. I heard Nadia and Sonya talking the other night? They acted like my mom was in town.” I roll my eyes. “Of course they pretended like nothing was going on when they saw me.”
And even if I didn’t need money for a PI, I sure would want to keep driving my car, using my cell phone, eating, and eventually, figuring out Sage’s dahlia situation.
