He’s no longer in this world now. And I had no fucking clue.
I practice my breath work as he keeps going. “He was buried in Cuba.” He clears his throat. “Anyway, he left me some money.”
“How much money?”
When Carter tells me the amount, I whistle. “Well, congratulations. But I still don’t—”
“He didn’t officially leave it to me in his will. He left it to Erika to give to me. And she just told me a couple weeks ago that she’s not doing it until I get married.”
My jaw drops. “Is she serious?”
Carter gives a brusque nod. “As a heart attack.” He huffs out a dull laugh. “That’s how Gene died. A heart attack.” He glances at me for the first time since mentioning it. “No pain. It happened fast.” I have to deep-breathe again as Carter makes a U-turn.
Finally we pull into the parking lot of the Beachside Luxury Inn. Two towers that resemble lighthouses stand on either side of the large adobe-esque building in the middle. The roofs are done in bright Spanish tile, the color of mandarin oranges, and the walkways all around the building are set in a tile that matches the deep blue of the ocean. A distant wave of anxiety rushes low in my spine. I take another deep breath. All we’re gonna do is watch Nate get married by the ocean, and then we’ll go into the ballroom and dance and get drunk off our asses. That’s my plan, anyhow. There is no reason to worry about any sort of unexpected, homicidal weather.
“My sisters decided they don’t want kids. My cousins are all younger than us, and no one’s gotten married, or is even close to it. The oldest of them are doing shit like going to college and backpacking through South America. I think Gene’s death scared Erika. She thinks she’s gonna go before she gets any great-grandchildren.”
I turn my head slowly toward him. “What the hell are you saying? You wanna get me pregnant now, too?”
“No!” He drops his head back and closes his eyes like he’s praying for strength. “I’m saying, she wants me to get married. She’s requiring it of me to get my money. I’m just speculating why she’s making such a big deal of this.”
I sigh and glance around. To my side, there’s a sliver of beach peeking between buildings. There stands Nate and his bride, and all their people, hanging around with a photographer. “They’re still taking photos?” I ask.
“He’s marrying a Latina.” Carter glances at me from the corner of his eye. “You know how we are.”
To most Latines, the time of an event is often a mere suggestion. Try telling that to Amá Sonya, though. If I arrive two minutes early to brunch, she spends the entire appetizer glaring at me while tapping at her diamond-encrusted Rolex. If I’m not there ten minutes early, I’m late.
Carter clears his throat. “You miss him?” His head inclines toward the crowd, who are now jumping, over and over again, with silky indigo bridesmaid dresses whipping in the wind, trying to get the silly shots, I guess.
He’s asking about Nate. One year ago, I met him at the Lost Souls Lounge, the only real bar in Cranberry. Carter was working there. I was supposed to be spending the evening with Sage. After about five minutes, I abandoned the both of them to bangNate at the entranceway of his downtown apartment. We then grabbed pho for a late dinner, and then I took him to Nadia’s, where we screwed two more times—once on the staircase leading to my bedroom, and finally, we made it to my bed.
The truth is, I was using Nate. I realize that now. I used him to stay away from my sister, who I was still so mad at. I used him to stay away from Carter, too.
There’s a reason I made that New Year’s resolution list.
I’m taking too long to answer Carter’s question. I can tell by how tight his arms and spine have gotten. He’s not just asking if I miss Nate. He’s asking if I wish I were his bride.
I sigh. “No. I don’t miss Nate.”
He says nothing. I can tell he doesn’t believe me. What else can I say, though? If I go on and on about how Nate and I didn’t mesh well, he’ll think I’m protesting too much. And if I said the real reason I dumped Nate?
Well, I can’t say that to him. Not now. Not ever.
“We should get our seats,” I say, scrambling out of the car as fast as I can.
5
The beach is warm witha hint of a cool breeze, and the waves are mild, the color of turquoise, rolling in the pale seafoam. I glance around during the ceremony, spotting Sage and Tenn ahead of us, Laurel and Alex Ramirez next to them, and Nadia and Sky to our left. Just behind them is Leilani and her mom, Helena.
Finally, I relax enough to sit back and watch as Nate exchanges vows with Fern Santos. She’s got hair as black as onyx, pinned up with bejeweled pins that sparkle in the sunlight. Her dress is a full-on princess grown, with embroidered lace covering her chest, down to her wrists, becoming a scattering of crystals that waterfall the skirt. Nate wears a black tux with an emerald tie and forest green Converse peeking from the bottom of his trousers. They are both so giddy with nervous joy, I can feel it all the way over here.
He hired her as a social media manager to put Cranberry Rose Company—which he technically owns—firmly in the twenty-first century. I heard the story third- or fourth-hand, but wordhas it that they hit it off when they met in person only nine months ago. Which was only like two months after he and I broke things off.
I look inside myself for any other feelings about Nate getting married. Any hint of resentment or jealousy or longing. But there isn’t any. When the officiant declares them husband and wife, though, his face erupts into a smile so bright, my stomach drops. Not because I wanthim. But because I wantthat. I want someone to want me like that someday. To be wanted so bad that the idea of being with me forever just makes them so happy, it spills over in the biggest smile in the universe.
Carter’s to my right and I look at his legs, wondering if that ring is still in his pocket. ’Cause that’s whatIgot. Not a man looking at me like I make the world go round. Instead, here’s a man so desperate for his inheritance, he wants to use me to get it.
We stand and clap as Nate and Fern run down the aisle, lifting their joined hands in the air. While the officiant explains to everyone where we’re all supposed to go next, I elbow Carter’s ribs.
