“Yeah, it did feel a little weird,” he said, laughing. “Why didn’t you ever tell me how you felt?”
“Well, I suppose it’s not the main reason, but in large part because you always had a Triple G waiting for you back in Chicago.”
It was a fair criticism.
“I’m not going to lie, Theo,” she continued, “sometimes it was hard being friends. I didn’twantto have feelings for you, because I thought it would fuck everything up. And I really tried not to cross that line because you’re right—had you reciprocated that evening, I probably would have hatedmyselffor coming on to you when you were unavailable.”
“I know,” he said, hanging his head a bit. “You know, though, that Triple Gs were something my parents wanted.”
“And you happily obliged.”
“Happily? I wouldn’t say that. More like it was easy. It made my parents happy. Most of the time, my relationships were pretty mundane and drama-free. And not to shine the light away from my own unavailability, but you didn’t seem interested in guys like me, despite my one, single tattoo.”
She sighed. “I guess guys like that—reckless men—made me feel like I was still that rebellious teenager who did all the things we weren’t supposed to do. It’s like I’ve been resisting becoming boring, which is pretty silly when I think about it because I actuallylikemy life working as a librarian. Ilikespending my weekends getting lost in books.”
“You are anything but boring, Juicy,” he said, smiling and tucking a hair behind her ear.
“Really? Because I put my life on hold, Theo. All my plans, all my dreams to travel the world, everything got placed on the back burner after my dad’s accident, which I didn’t even need todo. But I’d convinced myself that my parents needed me because I was too scared that I wouldn’t live up to the hype I’d built. And then you were out there living your best life. You got out. You’d moved on. I was…I was embarrassed that I never did. So I guess that’s it. That’s the main reason I never told you how I felt. I mean, don’t get me wrong, as much as I like the life I’ve made for myself in Grand Rapids, I still can’t shake those feelings of inadequacy. And who was I to suck you back?”
“Dani, I wanted to be there because you were there. And for what it’s worth, I think you have so much going for you. Getting out doesn’t equal success and happiness. You have so much more peace knowing who you are than I do living my parents’ vision for me. The only time I truly feel content is when I’m with you.”
“Then why didn’tyousay anything?”
“For starters, Eddie.”
“Oh, fuck Eddie.”
“I’d rather not,” he said with a smile.
Dani punched him playfully in the arm. “Seriously. Eddie doesn’t get a say on who I date.”
“Well, in all fairness, it was a pact we made when we were seventeen. It’s been so long since we talked about it that I don’t even know what he’d think at this point.”
“You made apact?!”
He nodded. “Yeah. That summer after Operation Juicy-Gate.”
Dani scrunched her face. “For real?”
Theo nodded. “He said he saw me checking out your ass.”
“I knew it!” She punched him again.
“Hey,” he said, smiling and holding his arm. “I mean, it wasrightthere in front of my face. How was I supposed to avoid checking it out?”
“Did it turn you on?” She waggled her brow.
“I was a seventeen-year-old virgin.Everythingturned me on. But I agreed to Eddie’s stupid pact. To be totally honest, I didn’t think it would be an issue because Iwasn’tinto you. Not like that. Not back then. You were my best friend’s little sister. Not even my innate bodily functions could impact that.”
“So when did it change?” She readjusted herself on the couch and brought her legs up to her chest, turning to the side to listen.
He turned to square up their shoulders, and he propped his arm on the back of the sofa, then rested his head in his hand. Never in a million years did he picture having this conversation with her in a swank house in Greece. He took a moment to take everything in, the surrealness of it all. Of finally telling Dani how he felt.
“The first time the thought crossed my mind, as in more than in a teenage-boner sort of way, was your prom. I didn’t understand how that guy stood you up. You’re such an awesome chick. I hated seeing how hurt you were. But I remember dancing with you and this thought popped into my mind: ‘I wonder if she’d feel better if I kissed her.’ And it scared the shit out of me.”
“Scared you?”
“Yeah, because it was the first time I’d thought about doing anything like it. Iwantedto kiss you. And once it had crossed my mind, it was like it opened the floodgates. I couldn’tstopthinking about kissing you. I couldn’t stop looking at you. I was sure you’d noticed over the years.”
