She picked at some sticks on the ground beside her. “Maybe, but it doesn’t change the fact that it’s the reality of academia. I haven’t done anything remarkable. I’m about as boring as they come.”
“Pringles, you’re anything but boring.”
She rolled her eyes. “I should have quit after that run-in with Hunter and Kevin. I could have blamed it on the fact that we were in danger. You were right. At least that way I wouldn’t have looked like a failure. Now if we quit it’s going to be because I fucked up. Because I’ve been leading us around in circles for the last few weeks. I’m going to be a laughingstock. In fact, I’ve got a couple of new suggestions for the title of your article. How about ‘Another Moon City Search Down the Amazon Drain’? Or better yet, ‘Rookie Archaeologist Couldn’t Find the Moon City Even if It Was Tattooed on Her Ass’?”
Rafa took her hands. “Stop.”
“Stop what?”
“This isn’t your fault. Stop putting yourself down. You’re better than that.”
“How would you know? This is the first time I’ve ever been assigned to lead a dig of any kind. There is nobetterwhen this is the best it’s ever been.” She turned away, not wanting him to see the tears welling in her eyes and twisting her mouth intoknots. “Besides, look at you. You’re an accomplished journalist working at one of the world’s top magazines, traveling all over the world, doing so manyamazingthings. I mean, Mr. Larity requestedyouby name. I’m here on a pity invite from Corrie.”
“You think my life is so great? Pringles, Iquitmy job a week before I came out here.”
Miri ticked her head to the side. “What are you talking about?”
“You’re right.GloGeois a dream gig. And Ihavedone amazing things. But you asked if I’ve ever felt like I’m waiting for my life to start, and never has someone so clearly put into words what’s going on in my head. I have an apartment in DC, but I’m never there. I don’t have any pets because who would feed them? Every plant I’ve ever had has withered away and died from lack of watering. I’ve never had a single streaming subscription because I’d go more than half the year without using it. I can’t remember the last time I went out with friends because I avoid making plans since I never know when I’m going to have to cancel. Frankly, my friends—the few I have left—stopped reaching out years ago. This has been my life for almost a decade. What’s the point of all those adventures if you don’t have anyone to share them with?”
“So you quit?”
He nodded. “Tried to, at least.”
“What do you mean, tried to?”
“My dad. He’s on the board atGloGeo. So after I tried to quit, my boss called my dad and, well, here I am,” he said, holding out his palms.
“Why doesn’t he want you to quit?”
“The prestige. The importance.” He shrugged. “I don’t know. He used his connections to get me this job in the firstplace. It’s hard to accept that I even earned it. I don’t want his handouts, though. I want to make my own path, you know?”
“Doing what?”
“I want to be an author.”
Miri furrowed her brow. “But youarean author.”
“No, I’m a journalist. It’s different. I document facts. Tell other people’s stories. I want to tell my own.”
“Is that what you’re always doing when you’re scribbling in that notebook of yours?”
He nodded. “Mostly I’m outlining my ideas. I’ve yet to have the opportunity to sit down and draft a full-length novel.”
“And why is that?”
“See my prior answer,” he said. “My dad. He thinks life is too important for frivolity. Not when there are great things to do and important discoveries to document. But I don’t know, sometimes I think a lot of people feel like they need to accomplish big things to be able to say they made it, but for me, everything I’ve accomplished atGloGeo, all the work I’ve done to help my father? Those things have brought me pride, but they haven’t given me happiness.”
“Whatwouldbring you happiness?”
He paused as if he wasn’t expecting she’d ask.
“Having what my parents had,” he finally responded. “Even though my mother died when I was young, their love has lasted all these years. My father’s sole goal in life is to protect her memory. To protect that which was important to her.”
Miri’s heart swelled. “That’s really beautiful, Rafa.”
He smiled and took a deep gulp, like he had a lump caught in his throat. He shook his head. “I don’t even know what she looked like. My mother, I mean.”
“No?” she asked. She’d grown up with both of her parents,but their home was full of photos, including of her grandparents who’d passed away before she’d even been born. And she knew what every single one of them looked like.
