“What about Ethan?”
Jeez. Why won’t she let it go? Can’t she see I don’t want to talk about this?
“I don’t need to worry Ethan with my personal shit. We’re here to work.”
“It’s not shit. And I think Ethan would welcome the discussion. He told me how he wished he could have been there for you after your dad passed away, and—”
“My dad? You were talking to Ethan about my dad?” Ford’s body tensed.
“I’m just saying. Clearly something’s bothering you. If not to Ethan, then it might help for you to get it out some other way.”
“And how do you suppose I do that?” he asked, staring at her with a questioning gaze.
“Well, I mean, if youwantto talk to me about it, I can listen.” Her tone was gentle as she ran her index finger along the desk.
“After declaring that you’renotthe best person for me to talk to? Yeah, sure, Corrie. Sounds like agreatidea.”
“Hey, I’m trying to help.”
“I get that, and thanks, but you wouldn’t understand.”
“Really? Wouldn’t understand? Did you know my mom passed away after battling breast cancer four years ago now? I bought a house two blocks down from my parents so I could help my dad care for her that last year. I was there every day. And after she passed...” Corrie paused for a moment, clearing the croak in her throat. “I know that feeling, too. What it feelslike when you lose a parent. You’re crushed. Lost. And you can’t stop wondering when and if that feeling is ever going to go away.”
“I don’t have any of that. The only thing I feel about my father is that he was a sack of shit.” Anger started to roil under his skin, forcing Ford to pull his hands under the desk to hide his fists. He felt for her, but their situations were nothing alike.
“I don’t believe that.”
“Corrie, I’m telling you, you need to let this go,” he said, his patience wearing thin.
But she didn’t, continuing on as if she hadn’t heard him. “I know how close you were to your parents—”
Ford couldn’t take it any longer. “Yeah, until my dad died and left my mother withnothing!” he yelled out, jumping from his chair and leaning over the desk. “Nothing except a giant stinking pile of debt. So tell me, Corrie. Was that what it was like when your mom died? Because if so, I’d love to hear how you coped withthatsituation.”
Corrie stood speechless across the desk. But what did she expect? That he was going to pour his heart out and cry in her arms? Screw her. When her mom had died, they’d probably celebrated her life. Had a party. She couldn’t possibly understand what it was like whenhisfather had died and he’d realized his hero was nothing but a selfish, spineless hack. Realized that the person he’d spent his whole life trying to emulate was now the only person he truly hated.
“So, what, Corrie?” he continued to drill, his knuckles now resting atop the topo maps. “Did you talk to yourboyfriendabout it? Did he decide that maybe it was a good time to tell you that your relationship wasn’t working? Hm? Did you? Come on, Corrie. Tell me. I want to know if you trulyunderstandwhat I’vebeen going through. If you have experience dealing withthat, too. Though what Ireallywant to know is how talking about it with you is going to make me feel better, because right now I feel like shit.”
Tears were on the verge of escaping, but he didn’t even care anymore. Corrie alreadythoughtthe worst of him. So what if shesawthe worst of him, too?
It didn’t stop him from turning his head away from her, though. “News flash, Corrie,” he said, having calmed slightly from his outburst. “Maybe you have tons of people who care about you, who you can talk to, but the only person I have is two thousand miles away, and you know what? Unlike you, Ididn’tmove closer to her so I could help. I left her alone while she’s dying of cancer. So, again, no, I don’t really want to talk about it,” he finished, looking squarely at her.
He could sense the redness in his eyes as they burned, but there was no hiding them from her, not even behind his glasses. His pulse raced as he tried to slow his breathing. That calm, confident demeanor that he’d worked so hard to master over the years? That persona he’d tried so hard to maintain, to convince even himself that he wasn’t a failure? Well, it broke into a thousand pieces.
Corrie let out a resigned sigh and cast a worried look at him as she ran her hand along the spine of the bound dissertation. She looked sorry. Not sorry for bringing it up. Sorry forhim.
“You’d be surprised by how many people care about you. You might realize that if you ever let people in. From one stubborn wannabe loner to another, trust me, I know.” She lifted the dissertation then continued, “I’m going to sit outside to read this over and think about things, but it’s a standing offer. If youeverdowant to talk about it, you know where you can find me. That goes for while we’re here... and after.”
With a shaky smile, Corrie walked out of the tent, leaving Ford sad. And confused. And, honestly, a little pissed. How dare she drudge up all his problems and then up and leave? What was with all thatI’m here for youbullshit? Corrie didn’t know him. Or at least not present-day Ford.
No one did.
Because Ford didn’t talk to people anymore. Notreally. Nowadays, Ford had surface-level conversations. Conversations that could easily be had with friends and strangers alike. Real conversations meant vulnerability, which Ford didn’t have the courage to show anymore. Last time he let himself be vulnerable, it had ended with Addison packing her bags and moving out of his life, sticking him with the entire share of the mortgage payment. It might have technically been his place, but she’d been there throughout the sale, having always intended that someday it would be theirs. Maybe her reluctance to be on the title from the outset should have been a sign of her lack of commitment to their relationship.
And that was when he’d thought he had life figured out. How the hell was he supposed to let himself be vulnerable now?
He took off his glasses and rubbed his eyes. Not because he was crying. No. He wouldn’t cry. Not over Addison. Or his dad. Neither of them deserved his tears. Not anymore.
But as he rubbed his eyes, another sensation washed over him. What was it? Like... a release.
