Nora gets the hint. She nods and walks back toward the store.
What does he want with me? Why couldn’t he walk away after it happened and leave it alone? And now my best friend is involved?
I wait until I know we’re completely isolated before I speak again.
“Why are you here?” I say sharply.
“To get my book signed.” He says it easily, a failed attempt to ease the tension. I don’t laugh, so he finally straightens up and looks at me with sincerity. “I wanted to see you.”
There’s an ache to his voice now. He seems like he’s finally being honest in this moment. I use it to my advantage because I need to know how mad I’m about to be at my best friend.
“I need the truth. What does Nora know?”
“Nothing,” he says with certainty. “She’s being honest. We don’t even talk that often. That night of the live video just happened to be one of the nights we connected. We were discussing your writer’s block, and she knew we were in the same state. She joked that she wished I could stop by and inspire you. I mean, it was a joke at first, but ...” He stops speaking for a moment. “I’m the one who pushed her to think it was a good idea. I wanted to meet you. And then once I actually met you, I was intrigued.Morethan intrigued. So I kept it up without telling her.”
I wipe another tear from my eye with a trembling hand. Seeing me cry stirs up guilt in his expression like I’ve never seen. He moves evencloser to me, close enough that the memories of him flash through me in a heated second.
“I never meant to scare you. Or betray you. I was attracted to you, and I let it go too far. And I’m sorry. Truly.” He reaches a hand up and grips my elbow gently, dipping his head so that I’m forced to look him in the eye. “I’msorry.”
I stare back at him, every moment we spent together spiraling through me. Apology after apology, but this betrayal is too much. This hits too close to home. Too close to Shephard. The man I almost destroyed. I owe so much more of myself to Shephard than the wife I’ve been to him.
“I want you to leave. And I never want to see you again.”
He nods. But then he says, “For what it’s worth, I would do it again in a heartbeat.”
Saint might, but Saint doesn’t have what I have at home. I brush his hand from my arm, and with as much resignation as I can muster, I simply say, “Iwouldn’t.”
I spin and head straight back inside without saying goodbye to Saint, but it’s clear this was goodbye. I don’t even look back to see his expression, or watch him leave. I walk straight into the bookstore, and I don’t even look at Nora, who is standing there, waiting, hopeful for any morsel of attention from me. I don’t speak to her at all.
I walk over to the table where all the unsigned stock has been neatly placed, ready for my signature. I sign each book robotically, and even though I want to punch Nora square in her fucking face, she stands next to me and stacks each book neatly into a pile as I sign them.
Nora and I are staying at the same hotel, and the publisher has one driver scheduled to take us back to that hotel, but at least we don’t have to share a room. I’d probably choke her in her sleep.
When the last book is signed, I thank the staff and head for the exit. As Nora follows me out of the bookstore, toward the Escalade waiting out back for us, I hear her whisper, “I’m sorry.”
I climb into the car, but all I can do, after we’re both seated in the back seat and heading toward the hotel, is remain silent in my betrayal as I stare out the window, holding tears at bay.
This has more than likely broken trust in our friendship forever, but it isn’t Nora’s fault I let things go as far as they did. She didn’t set out for me to cheat on my husband.
That’s something I’m realizing I was perfectly capable of doing with or without her help.
God, this is the worst night of my life.
Chapter Twenty-Five
This is still the worst night of my life.
I haven’t been able to sleep since we returned to the hotel a few hours ago. I still don’t know how to feel, even after four hours of tossing and turning and poring over every second of the last two years, and this book, and my friendship, and my marriage, and every single lie Saint has told me.
I don’t even know if I can stay mad at Nora forever, because I know her intentions were in the right place when it comes to my career. But for right now I need her to feel my anger enough to at least lose sleep over.
I’m sure it was meant to be harmless encouragement on Nora’s part. She thought her old friend would simply swing by and knock on my door and ask me a simple question, and that his looks would spark something in me that would help me write.
But it sparked a lot more than that.
I know I’ll ultimately forgive her, but it’s going to take time. I just hope she never presses about what happened between me and Saint. Idon’t feel comfortable telling her that story, but I’m relieved to know he didn’t give her any details of how far he actually took things.
How farwetook things.
